There was a lost feeling, a stomach dropped to the knees sensation! I no longer felt in control. I was not a fifty seven year old woman with a good husband and five grown up kids.
Before I could see anything out of any windows. I called my brother. I know he wakes up early. He said, no, he didn't hear any explosions nor gun shots. It was all quiet and normal in his neighborhood.
Then I thought of Dorothy – she's all alone. Six forty five, I know she'll be up too. I called; she was up but didn't hear anything. Then people were running out of the apartments and someone shouted, 'It's the factories!' and then I could see the flames leaping in the factory building diagonally opposite from Esme's room.
Two more phone calls to tell my brother and Dorothy about the factory fire. My heart was still racing, and I couldn't go back to sleep. Neither could I sit down.
It was two days later that I realized I actually relived the trauma I experienced as a child during May 13, 1969.
I was nine. Extremely happy to miss a month of school. It was no fun going to a premier Chinese school and having to keep up with the heavy load of homework. But it was unnerving to have my uncle running from a taxi, ashen-faced, shouting for us to lock the gate, lock the doors and pull all the curtains.
My mom and grandma was busy serving the meal. They had my uncle seated down, made him drink some brandy. He was shaking, talking in snatches, stuttering about stones hitting the taxi's top, pebbles hitting the windows from the overhead bridge. Obviously he was in shock. He wondered if the taxi driver will be killed going home. We extracted the information that the taxi driver lives in Orient Way. From Lena Park to Orient Way there are byways and the driver need not enter the highway again. We reassured him that the kind driver would be fine. Safely home with his loved ones and eating dinner.
Finally my uncle calmed down enough to take a hot bath prepared by his wife. In those days, one boils a kettle and carry it up to the bathroom to pour it into a bucket. Then cold water is added to a suitable temperature for bathing. I remember he couldn't eat, not much anyway before he collapsed into exhausted sleep.
I was safe, children weren't allowed to stand near doors and windows. Whenever light was on, curtains are drawn fully. We know that people have been shot by the armed forces in certain area in town. The men folk stacked up glass bottles in the balcony.
Funny thing was, I couldn't remember what we ate, can food, soy sauce, rice, I guess! Food was the last thing we worried about as we had enough in the larder.
Prior to the factory fire, I didn't even think I was scared in 1969. It took a living and merciful God to bring me to a similar incident to stoke up all the memories and deep seated fears because he wanted to heal me.
*flowers 96.gif from myspace.com
* There was a racial riot in May 1969 in my country
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