In Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts, I read about the rule among girl friends that once a guy was "taken" sexually, the others are not supposed to "conquer" him. I suppose I must be both conservative and from the older generation that sex both outside and inside of marriage was not discussed even among bosom friends in my home country.
I remember when I just returned from college abroad, I was so lonely that I connected with a lady lawyer qualified from UK. We spent a lot of time together doing many things. I even caught quite a few theater shows with her and her different escorts. At that point she didn't drive and I didn't have a car. So naturally she requested whomever to date her to pick me up during the weekends. After the show, he would send me home and went on to the next destination with her.
She dated an accountant, a business manager, an architect, an engineer and well, another lawyer. At least I met all five briefly. It was the fellow lawyer that she pointed out to me. Apparently he was together with another lawyer for four years in UK. I have met his long term girl friend in another party. Interestingly, that girl married shortly after that, but with another chap. Sad to say, the lady involved has had quite a number of miscarriages after her marriage. Much later, we found out that the cause of those miscarriages : the petite and short lady has been taking over the counter birth control pills for more than four years and those pills were designed for white women seven inches taller whose body mass many kilograms heavier.
In the end the couple concerned decided to adopt a Korean orphan girl and they migrated to Australia. From this brief meeting, it seemed that course mates from British universities do date friends' ex-lived ins. Perhaps, one rule works in one country but not another. Well, the law circles in my home town are relatively small, one would have to deal with one's ex professionally and socially to a certain extent. It certainly would not help if one's ex work in the same firm or if one's seniors in the firm become married to one's ex. But then for those concerned, it would have to be all in a day's work!
Showing posts with label my hometown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my hometown. Show all posts
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
(255) Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts
I find this book interesting as it dealt with unwritten codes among friends in the USA. Quite a bit of it reminded me of confidences exchanged in the dorm rooms in the middle of the night. It is certainly easier to tell your friends the difficult to talk about things if it is in the wee hours and there is dimmed lighting and preferably if there is someone asleep and the remaining two whispering in a dark corner.
Yes, I heard about the first kiss, first French kiss, the petting and necking in the back seat ... According to this book, girls tell. They expect each other to, and they themselves disclose. Well, in my home town, things are different. I used to have a group of close friends, after being abroad for college, I was no longer that close with most of them but one. When I unexpectedly returned from America, everyone has moved on. One got married and had two children. Another was engaged and actually went on a pre-nup trip to Europe. (Well, they have registered legally as man and wife but had not gone through the Chinese ceremonies) Another two were dating seriously with the men in their lives. The rest were busy with jobs and dating around. I actually found myself a whole new set of friends and acquaintances to do things with. I must have missed out on the hot dates and the hot news of the old set because I was away. But, one incident stood out: our advertising consultant managed to grill an errant friend and found out why she chose to go work in Papua.
Now, this errant friend has always been close mouth and kept her own counsel. She has a stubborn streak and would refuse to tell if she so decides. However, she did not count on our media research friend's skills developed by countless consumer research projects funded by international companies. There our advertising consultant small talked and asked more than sixty seemingly unrelated questions. Those questions were of two types, random ones and the related ones. By being relax and answering those questions, the end result is telling. Even if some answers were lies, our consultant could sieve them out and ask from completely different angles.
So, the consultant taxed her brain cells and came to one conclusion: our dear friend was heart broken with her hot boy friend in Borneo. While the relationship was going well, she must have slept with him (that was her first, we were certain) thinking she would eventually marry him. But she must have found out something pretty bad about him and she wanted out. Just a simple break up would not do, seemed like he was not willing to let her go and she resorted to being transferred to Papua, of all places! I'll end on a happy note, she is the proud mother of one son with a Thai husband. Of course her son is like sixteen years younger than mine as she took her time to select her lucky man and then she has some difficulty conceiving in her late thirties.
Yes, I heard about the first kiss, first French kiss, the petting and necking in the back seat ... According to this book, girls tell. They expect each other to, and they themselves disclose. Well, in my home town, things are different. I used to have a group of close friends, after being abroad for college, I was no longer that close with most of them but one. When I unexpectedly returned from America, everyone has moved on. One got married and had two children. Another was engaged and actually went on a pre-nup trip to Europe. (Well, they have registered legally as man and wife but had not gone through the Chinese ceremonies) Another two were dating seriously with the men in their lives. The rest were busy with jobs and dating around. I actually found myself a whole new set of friends and acquaintances to do things with. I must have missed out on the hot dates and the hot news of the old set because I was away. But, one incident stood out: our advertising consultant managed to grill an errant friend and found out why she chose to go work in Papua.
Now, this errant friend has always been close mouth and kept her own counsel. She has a stubborn streak and would refuse to tell if she so decides. However, she did not count on our media research friend's skills developed by countless consumer research projects funded by international companies. There our advertising consultant small talked and asked more than sixty seemingly unrelated questions. Those questions were of two types, random ones and the related ones. By being relax and answering those questions, the end result is telling. Even if some answers were lies, our consultant could sieve them out and ask from completely different angles.
So, the consultant taxed her brain cells and came to one conclusion: our dear friend was heart broken with her hot boy friend in Borneo. While the relationship was going well, she must have slept with him (that was her first, we were certain) thinking she would eventually marry him. But she must have found out something pretty bad about him and she wanted out. Just a simple break up would not do, seemed like he was not willing to let her go and she resorted to being transferred to Papua, of all places! I'll end on a happy note, she is the proud mother of one son with a Thai husband. Of course her son is like sixteen years younger than mine as she took her time to select her lucky man and then she has some difficulty conceiving in her late thirties.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
(243) Overcoming pain in marriages
My area of passion is on children having learning disability. It is quite effortless to remember cases and trivia as long as they belong to my category.
For my friend, it is on marriage and divorce. Whatever anyone told her, as long as it is related to either marriage or divorce, she would remember it for life. She was rattling a list of facts while I listened on: six years have passed since she left her husband, now they have reconciled. It is like falling in love for a second time with the same person. She remembered that a speaker said that it took him six years for him to really forgive his adulterous but repentant wife and have the marriage on an even footing. Then one of my friend's friend also said that she suffered for six years, after she confessed that she had an illicit relationship abroad while she was working on her post graduate studies. Her husband did not want to end the marriage but it was hard for him to be intimate with her for a long time.
Interesting! I have not come across a single woman in this country who would admit to cheating on her husband. But as a college student in USA, I used to regularly listen to all kinds of different experiences, heart ache, disaster on male-female relationships. Perhaps my current status of being a married woman does not invite confidential sharing.
For my friend, it is on marriage and divorce. Whatever anyone told her, as long as it is related to either marriage or divorce, she would remember it for life. She was rattling a list of facts while I listened on: six years have passed since she left her husband, now they have reconciled. It is like falling in love for a second time with the same person. She remembered that a speaker said that it took him six years for him to really forgive his adulterous but repentant wife and have the marriage on an even footing. Then one of my friend's friend also said that she suffered for six years, after she confessed that she had an illicit relationship abroad while she was working on her post graduate studies. Her husband did not want to end the marriage but it was hard for him to be intimate with her for a long time.
Interesting! I have not come across a single woman in this country who would admit to cheating on her husband. But as a college student in USA, I used to regularly listen to all kinds of different experiences, heart ache, disaster on male-female relationships. Perhaps my current status of being a married woman does not invite confidential sharing.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
(242) Money is a good servant but bad master
One mother in Silver City bought a four bedroom house before she passed on. Her three unmarried daughters stayed in it. A few years back one married daughter came back from Belgium and occupied the fourth bedroom.
The eldest of these sisters is eighty years old while the youngest is already seventy. Interestingly the one which came back from abroad has three million dollars in the bank but continues to share the house with her not so wealthy sisters. It is amazing that with such liquid wealth in the bank, she would count her dollars and her pennies. These four women would argue and quarrel about amounts as small as a few dollars in house hold expenses.
Meanwhile, the married sister's husband made sure he came at least once a year and be with his wife so that she could not divorce him. He is waiting for her to be senile so that he could declare her incompetent and grab her wealth to return to Belgium. There is inherently nothing wrong with being wealthy. But in this case the wealth is not doing much good for the owner, her husband and her sisters now. No one trusts another. Each one check and recheck bills to make sure the others are not making them pay a penny more. While the money accrues interest in the bank, five people are watching each other but no one is touching even the interest as our careful married woman survives on a small part of her monthly pension.
A few years back two dead bodies were found in a Silver City house. The daughter who was in her fifties died suddenly in front of the TV. Her mother, who was bed bound, starved to death. The house land line telephone was just a matter of ten feet away from her hospital bed in the sitting room. Later relatives found two million dollars in fixed deposit in a local bank. Those two women lived very simply, without a car and with no household helper. Looking at the house and the furnishing, one would think they were destitute.
Money in the hands of wise owners can do much good, miserly people who are slaves to money would live like paupers until the day they die.
The eldest of these sisters is eighty years old while the youngest is already seventy. Interestingly the one which came back from abroad has three million dollars in the bank but continues to share the house with her not so wealthy sisters. It is amazing that with such liquid wealth in the bank, she would count her dollars and her pennies. These four women would argue and quarrel about amounts as small as a few dollars in house hold expenses.
Meanwhile, the married sister's husband made sure he came at least once a year and be with his wife so that she could not divorce him. He is waiting for her to be senile so that he could declare her incompetent and grab her wealth to return to Belgium. There is inherently nothing wrong with being wealthy. But in this case the wealth is not doing much good for the owner, her husband and her sisters now. No one trusts another. Each one check and recheck bills to make sure the others are not making them pay a penny more. While the money accrues interest in the bank, five people are watching each other but no one is touching even the interest as our careful married woman survives on a small part of her monthly pension.
A few years back two dead bodies were found in a Silver City house. The daughter who was in her fifties died suddenly in front of the TV. Her mother, who was bed bound, starved to death. The house land line telephone was just a matter of ten feet away from her hospital bed in the sitting room. Later relatives found two million dollars in fixed deposit in a local bank. Those two women lived very simply, without a car and with no household helper. Looking at the house and the furnishing, one would think they were destitute.
Money in the hands of wise owners can do much good, miserly people who are slaves to money would live like paupers until the day they die.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
(241-) Nightmares
A friend's teenage son had fever and woke up from a terrible nightmare with the image of having his legs dismembered and thrown over his head, the pain was sharp and he was frightened.
I am not any authority on dreams. After saying that the idea of the Boston Marathon came to mind. After the blasts many people had to have their leg or legs amputated. I saw the video images on International news repeatedly as I tried to make sense of the violence. If the teenage boy has been exposed to those images or even more explicit ones on the internet, it is little wonder that at night his mind tried to process and make sense of the blood shed.
One of my more sensitive daughters did have a vivid dream that she and her best friend were in line - those who refuse the mark of the beast would have their head chopped off. In her dream she was encouraging her best friend to go through momentary pain. In a sense that dream changed her world view, she now sees that her main purpose in life is to be encouraging her friend (s) to choose God. I am not trying to discount her conviction. But I see that our brain is like a Hollywood movie house, whatever goes through the brain during the day would be sorted and might be distorted in the night for filing purposes. Not all dreams would come true nor should every dream be taken seriously.
I am not any authority on dreams. After saying that the idea of the Boston Marathon came to mind. After the blasts many people had to have their leg or legs amputated. I saw the video images on International news repeatedly as I tried to make sense of the violence. If the teenage boy has been exposed to those images or even more explicit ones on the internet, it is little wonder that at night his mind tried to process and make sense of the blood shed.
One of my more sensitive daughters did have a vivid dream that she and her best friend were in line - those who refuse the mark of the beast would have their head chopped off. In her dream she was encouraging her best friend to go through momentary pain. In a sense that dream changed her world view, she now sees that her main purpose in life is to be encouraging her friend (s) to choose God. I am not trying to discount her conviction. But I see that our brain is like a Hollywood movie house, whatever goes through the brain during the day would be sorted and might be distorted in the night for filing purposes. Not all dreams would come true nor should every dream be taken seriously.
Friday, April 19, 2013
(234) Vote for a brighter future
Years ago I used to read about Soviet citizens who would make jokes and laughed about themselves and their country while waiting in line for essential goods.
Just now among a group of friends we were having a good laugh at our beautiful land which produced a bunch of folks who would purchase marine vehicles which could not submerge, would lose airplane engines from military camps, and would fly military men on civilian flights. It is really not our proudest moment!
Thank God we can still turn up and vote come the big day!
Just now among a group of friends we were having a good laugh at our beautiful land which produced a bunch of folks who would purchase marine vehicles which could not submerge, would lose airplane engines from military camps, and would fly military men on civilian flights. It is really not our proudest moment!
Thank God we can still turn up and vote come the big day!
(232) Things in storage
Moments ago a missionary couple came to collect some visual aid left by another colleague. They are going to stand in for the missionary on leave, running a course in empowering a village community to make their own decisions on literacy work.
The missionary on leave went back to take care of her father with Alzeimer's. I really sympathize with that as I see how my cousin struggles with the care of her mum. This couple who just left said that they are going on furlough in June. The convention is four years in the field, one year home on furlough. If they decide to come back, it would make a lot of sense to find a few tenants to live in their present rented house for the year that they will be away. Otherwise it would mean that they have to find an alternate site to place their household goods in storage for one year.
Next to pastor's kids, missionary kids are the one group of people that grew up with periodic upheavals throughout their childhood. Yet I have met a Swiss couple from Bern and Zurich respectively, and their daughter who married an American. All four of them are missionaries, the senior couple have been in South East Asia for most of their lives. The junior couple so far have served in different parts of Asia.
The missionary on leave went back to take care of her father with Alzeimer's. I really sympathize with that as I see how my cousin struggles with the care of her mum. This couple who just left said that they are going on furlough in June. The convention is four years in the field, one year home on furlough. If they decide to come back, it would make a lot of sense to find a few tenants to live in their present rented house for the year that they will be away. Otherwise it would mean that they have to find an alternate site to place their household goods in storage for one year.
Next to pastor's kids, missionary kids are the one group of people that grew up with periodic upheavals throughout their childhood. Yet I have met a Swiss couple from Bern and Zurich respectively, and their daughter who married an American. All four of them are missionaries, the senior couple have been in South East Asia for most of their lives. The junior couple so far have served in different parts of Asia.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
(231-) Remarry?
I have a friend who reconciled with her estranged husband. They were divorced a few years ago.
The next question is : should they remarry?
Hold your horses there! Let us be calm and reason out the pertinent facts. First of all, the legal part of the marriage costs next to nothing. My brother paid 20 Hong Kong dollars to be registered with his beautiful wife. My husband probably paid a few dollars more for our marriage cert. My poor friend actually paid S$15,000 for the dissolution of her marriage, since it was registered in Singapore. Please note: it is more than easy to be wed but it costs a horrendous amount to be divorced!
My personal opinion is there is no real need for them to sign on the dotted lines again! After all, for all the time apart they have neither had any ties with any opposite sex. They are not Muslim, no one would check for their married papers in hotels. The only people who may be bothered about their status would be their children. As long as juniors do not take their fickle parents as role models, I suppose the latter are not doing anyone any harm living as man and wife.
The next question is : should they remarry?
Hold your horses there! Let us be calm and reason out the pertinent facts. First of all, the legal part of the marriage costs next to nothing. My brother paid 20 Hong Kong dollars to be registered with his beautiful wife. My husband probably paid a few dollars more for our marriage cert. My poor friend actually paid S$15,000 for the dissolution of her marriage, since it was registered in Singapore. Please note: it is more than easy to be wed but it costs a horrendous amount to be divorced!
My personal opinion is there is no real need for them to sign on the dotted lines again! After all, for all the time apart they have neither had any ties with any opposite sex. They are not Muslim, no one would check for their married papers in hotels. The only people who may be bothered about their status would be their children. As long as juniors do not take their fickle parents as role models, I suppose the latter are not doing anyone any harm living as man and wife.
(230) Deputy Minister with a bogus degree
We are having election soon. It has been a long time coming.
My husband was just reading some political web sites online just now. Apparently, we have a deputy minister with a bogus Master's degree from the USA. Co-incidentally, a previous IT CEO in China also possessed a supposed degree from the same university. I guess it is easy to buy a piece of paper saying that such a person graduated from such a university in such a field. But honestly, it does not take too much time and effort to verify if such a university exists or if indeed this person is listed as an alumna.
Come election day, I will rise early and wait in line at my polling station. I will probably attend Saturday afternoon service. As a believing voter, I will trust that our sovereign God will oversee that worthy men are chosen as his Government in this nation.
My husband was just reading some political web sites online just now. Apparently, we have a deputy minister with a bogus Master's degree from the USA. Co-incidentally, a previous IT CEO in China also possessed a supposed degree from the same university. I guess it is easy to buy a piece of paper saying that such a person graduated from such a university in such a field. But honestly, it does not take too much time and effort to verify if such a university exists or if indeed this person is listed as an alumna.
Come election day, I will rise early and wait in line at my polling station. I will probably attend Saturday afternoon service. As a believing voter, I will trust that our sovereign God will oversee that worthy men are chosen as his Government in this nation.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
(211) Sanctuary
We met a couple from Tawau who are building their vacation home in the interior of Sabah that is about four hours' drive from the nearest petrol station. They are planting fruit trees for a start. Now they have a cabin that boasts of a large living area and a small bed room. In stages, they plan to add a kitchen, an indoor toilet and a wash room. Ultimately they want to have a self-sustaining farm to move to in a few years' time. They have a stream in their property so there is no real need to dig a well. For electricity they are thinking of solar panels and a small generator to supply a few energy efficient tubes.
This couple reminds us of another we met in Tanjung Malim. The latter bought a link house with some government idle land behind their house bordering a forest reserve. The part-time mechanic cum hospital assistant who was a pastor in his earlier years planted fruit trees, vegetables and root vegetables on the open land. He shares his harvests with his neighbors gladly and therefore no one has a motive to complain about his using the public land.
The idea of being self-sufficient is fairly attractive to me, born and bred in the city. But I suppose it would require a fair bit of effort to learn to plant crops, even for our own consumption. One has to be convinced enough to devote financial resources towards purchasing or leasing some land to create a sanctuary.
This couple reminds us of another we met in Tanjung Malim. The latter bought a link house with some government idle land behind their house bordering a forest reserve. The part-time mechanic cum hospital assistant who was a pastor in his earlier years planted fruit trees, vegetables and root vegetables on the open land. He shares his harvests with his neighbors gladly and therefore no one has a motive to complain about his using the public land.
The idea of being self-sufficient is fairly attractive to me, born and bred in the city. But I suppose it would require a fair bit of effort to learn to plant crops, even for our own consumption. One has to be convinced enough to devote financial resources towards purchasing or leasing some land to create a sanctuary.
(210) A Change of Hearts
I am extremely surprised to see (168) A Change of Heart (written on 12/1/2013) garnered 60 viewing and rose to the second highest ranking within a little more than a month.
When my brother won a scholarship to a college in New York state, my father told him not to return but to gain resident status. He did stay on long enough to earn a Masters degree. After that he went to work in China and Hong Kong. When my turn came, I was given a sound telling to for choosing to return to a country that father said bode a dim future for me. Of course he was glad that I was around to care for him whenever he was sick. Now that he is no longer around to see what financial strait USA has been reduced to, I realize I am correct to listen to an all knowing God rather than to decide based on the then current circumstances.
Looking at my generation of Chinese men and women, generally we have done well despite reverse discrimination in broad educational policies. Those who are good in academics managed to gain entrance into Singapore, USA, Australia, New Zealand ... Even those who are not wealthy managed to win scholarships and financial aid to study abroad. A handful who are not academically inclined managed to start businesses and made good. It could be a hawker stall, small restaurants, machinist factory, packaging contractor, computer retail, hand phone booths in shopping centers, stalls selling crystal jewelry, service center offering cleaning service ...
Although it is not easy to live under discrimination, I personally think that my brothers and I work three times as hard as those who are favored. In the short term, it was frustrating. However, we were forced to strive harder and aim for excellence. My eldest brother sat for our O-level national language paper quite a few times to get a good grade. I was lucky that I managed to qualify for a Credit at first try. For my generation, my siblings and I all possess at least one foreign degree.
For the next generation, Victor is working now with two foreign degrees. Mandy is finishing her local private college degree. Kenneth and Elizabeth are both working towards local public university degrees. Whatever government policies are, those who have the will shall find a way. The rest of the children are still young or have opted for other avenues.
There is, however, one snag that exists: for those who were side-lined whom later chose Christianity, a few received clear callings to relocate to neighboring countries. The people group they have to work with look like the main race in our country, have similar religion and language roots. One missionary from my home town struggled for years to love the tribe he has dedicated his life to win. It was not until he realized the bitterness he held toward these people because of our governmental decisions that he had the breakthrough he had worked years to gain. I am fortunate that even though I did not receive any local uni offer, I could choose between an US and a Singaporean offer. But interestingly, I was not called to work with any regional tribes. I am called to work with the learning disabled, at first children and later adults. With the advent of the world wide web, I could literally reach all countries, every race regardless of time zone and geographical differences. For years I have functioned in English, but now I am required to speak in Mandarin and Cantonese to reach my targets.
When my brother won a scholarship to a college in New York state, my father told him not to return but to gain resident status. He did stay on long enough to earn a Masters degree. After that he went to work in China and Hong Kong. When my turn came, I was given a sound telling to for choosing to return to a country that father said bode a dim future for me. Of course he was glad that I was around to care for him whenever he was sick. Now that he is no longer around to see what financial strait USA has been reduced to, I realize I am correct to listen to an all knowing God rather than to decide based on the then current circumstances.
Looking at my generation of Chinese men and women, generally we have done well despite reverse discrimination in broad educational policies. Those who are good in academics managed to gain entrance into Singapore, USA, Australia, New Zealand ... Even those who are not wealthy managed to win scholarships and financial aid to study abroad. A handful who are not academically inclined managed to start businesses and made good. It could be a hawker stall, small restaurants, machinist factory, packaging contractor, computer retail, hand phone booths in shopping centers, stalls selling crystal jewelry, service center offering cleaning service ...
Although it is not easy to live under discrimination, I personally think that my brothers and I work three times as hard as those who are favored. In the short term, it was frustrating. However, we were forced to strive harder and aim for excellence. My eldest brother sat for our O-level national language paper quite a few times to get a good grade. I was lucky that I managed to qualify for a Credit at first try. For my generation, my siblings and I all possess at least one foreign degree.
For the next generation, Victor is working now with two foreign degrees. Mandy is finishing her local private college degree. Kenneth and Elizabeth are both working towards local public university degrees. Whatever government policies are, those who have the will shall find a way. The rest of the children are still young or have opted for other avenues.
There is, however, one snag that exists: for those who were side-lined whom later chose Christianity, a few received clear callings to relocate to neighboring countries. The people group they have to work with look like the main race in our country, have similar religion and language roots. One missionary from my home town struggled for years to love the tribe he has dedicated his life to win. It was not until he realized the bitterness he held toward these people because of our governmental decisions that he had the breakthrough he had worked years to gain. I am fortunate that even though I did not receive any local uni offer, I could choose between an US and a Singaporean offer. But interestingly, I was not called to work with any regional tribes. I am called to work with the learning disabled, at first children and later adults. With the advent of the world wide web, I could literally reach all countries, every race regardless of time zone and geographical differences. For years I have functioned in English, but now I am required to speak in Mandarin and Cantonese to reach my targets.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
(207) Crisis with aged relative
I went to a place south of here to visit my eldest aunt. She fell a few times the day before and was hospitalized yesterday. My two cousins took their mum to the public hospital at 8 am. Finally, at 2:30 pm we managed to visit her, two visitors at a time, in the ward after she was settled in. We were given special concession to visit during non-visiting hours for we came from out of town.
My cousin May took my mum up first. After my mum came down, May took me up. In the intervening 5 minutes, my aunt had forgotten that my mum visited. She was surprised to see me and asked why I came alone and not bring anyone with me as it was a long drive. I suppose at that moment reality struck, her short term memory loss was so pronounced that I could expect that she would not recognize who I am some time in the foreseeable future. But she has known me for as many years as I have lived. I remember my deceased grand ma said that this aunt came to help care for me as a new born and cook for my mum while my grand ma was looking after my two other siblings and cook for the rest of the extended family. You see, special food full of ginger, wine and vinegar is usually cooked for the lactating mother. We were quite poor then that the best food was given to the new mum.
May was her usual bustling, efficient self, after all she was formerly a school principal. She tended to everything that needed to be done as she was required to spend every night in the hospital caring for her mum. There is a severe shortage of trained nurses for public hospitals as many went to earn the high salaries in the middle eastern countries. My cousin Leon was very subdued and he was near tears when my mum and I asked about the details of the several falls. Meanwhile, my husband and son was waiting in another area with my God sister.
According to the x-rays taken, the fracture was located at the top of the femur which is actually in the hip joint. An operation seemed indicated. On the other hand, my aunt is 85 years old. While she has hypertension, her overall health is good. Her blood sugar is perfectly normal and she has a BMI to be envied. Well, we can only pray that she will heal with traction and bed rest. Should she be operated on and not survive, that she would go painlessly.
My cousin May took my mum up first. After my mum came down, May took me up. In the intervening 5 minutes, my aunt had forgotten that my mum visited. She was surprised to see me and asked why I came alone and not bring anyone with me as it was a long drive. I suppose at that moment reality struck, her short term memory loss was so pronounced that I could expect that she would not recognize who I am some time in the foreseeable future. But she has known me for as many years as I have lived. I remember my deceased grand ma said that this aunt came to help care for me as a new born and cook for my mum while my grand ma was looking after my two other siblings and cook for the rest of the extended family. You see, special food full of ginger, wine and vinegar is usually cooked for the lactating mother. We were quite poor then that the best food was given to the new mum.
May was her usual bustling, efficient self, after all she was formerly a school principal. She tended to everything that needed to be done as she was required to spend every night in the hospital caring for her mum. There is a severe shortage of trained nurses for public hospitals as many went to earn the high salaries in the middle eastern countries. My cousin Leon was very subdued and he was near tears when my mum and I asked about the details of the several falls. Meanwhile, my husband and son was waiting in another area with my God sister.
According to the x-rays taken, the fracture was located at the top of the femur which is actually in the hip joint. An operation seemed indicated. On the other hand, my aunt is 85 years old. While she has hypertension, her overall health is good. Her blood sugar is perfectly normal and she has a BMI to be envied. Well, we can only pray that she will heal with traction and bed rest. Should she be operated on and not survive, that she would go painlessly.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
(194) A rocking vehicle
The other day I drove along a busy road and found a parking lot near McDonald and Hong Kong
Bank. There was an empty lot on my left and then there was a blue Toyota parked next to it. Since Michael wanted to look for a book for his sister, I decided to wait in the car.
Where I was then was near an intersection with heavy traffic. Once people going straight stopped because of a red light, those who wish to turn left have to queue and wait. Off the periphery of my sight, I noticed the blue Toyota shaking. Well, perhaps a parent was waiting inside with two active kids! Next I heard a soft hoot. Looking all around, there was no reason for anyone to hoot at others. I followed the progress of two teenage girls with skirt and shorts that could not be any shorter along the road. There went a slightly louder hoot, this time I know it came from the blue Toyota. I saw arms flinging through the tinted window. The car began to rock again.
Oh! There must be two reckless individuals necking in a parked car in a very public place at six o'clock in the evening. Since sunset occurs at almost eight this time of year, it was bright day light then. Michael came back without buying anything. We drove off. He said that the risky behavior is called dogging in UK. Usually those involved are young people looking for thrills. Sex is blase, multiple partners are the norm, orgies may be old play... Yet these people are not up to the level of performing for the web cam. They choose a place where they might be challenged. All the more exciting if one of them is of the Muslim faith: any moment the religious police could come calling and they would be charged in a religious court. Perhaps they are exhibitionists! We were in a suburb, no where near any campuses. It is likely that those two are working folks. I was shocked and yet it was funny to imagine how uncomfortable they must be performing gymnastics in the limited space the two front seats offer.
Bank. There was an empty lot on my left and then there was a blue Toyota parked next to it. Since Michael wanted to look for a book for his sister, I decided to wait in the car.
Where I was then was near an intersection with heavy traffic. Once people going straight stopped because of a red light, those who wish to turn left have to queue and wait. Off the periphery of my sight, I noticed the blue Toyota shaking. Well, perhaps a parent was waiting inside with two active kids! Next I heard a soft hoot. Looking all around, there was no reason for anyone to hoot at others. I followed the progress of two teenage girls with skirt and shorts that could not be any shorter along the road. There went a slightly louder hoot, this time I know it came from the blue Toyota. I saw arms flinging through the tinted window. The car began to rock again.
Oh! There must be two reckless individuals necking in a parked car in a very public place at six o'clock in the evening. Since sunset occurs at almost eight this time of year, it was bright day light then. Michael came back without buying anything. We drove off. He said that the risky behavior is called dogging in UK. Usually those involved are young people looking for thrills. Sex is blase, multiple partners are the norm, orgies may be old play... Yet these people are not up to the level of performing for the web cam. They choose a place where they might be challenged. All the more exciting if one of them is of the Muslim faith: any moment the religious police could come calling and they would be charged in a religious court. Perhaps they are exhibitionists! We were in a suburb, no where near any campuses. It is likely that those two are working folks. I was shocked and yet it was funny to imagine how uncomfortable they must be performing gymnastics in the limited space the two front seats offer.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
(193) A Dream 3
My husband and I made another trip up to visit the book room I wrote about in (993).
The corner shop lot is beautifully renovated. The staff quarter looks lived in finally. To date, we have one full time counter staff, one kitchen worker, a book seller and a temporary manager whose real job is to oversee translation projects in different parts of Asia.
Sad to say, my husband and I put out a fleece and found that we are not supposed to move up at all. I don't quite understand why I am being given much time to read, contemplate, write a few passages now and then. But I have to accept that here is where God wants me to be. Last year, when I prayed about a part-time teaching project to earn some money for travel, God generously gave me two trips: one to Shanghai and the other to Canton. Therefore I am most grateful and could not complain at all. If it fits in with what God allows me to do, I hope to see two children two or three times a week. I will be paid to speak to them in Mandarin: a six year old boy and an infant girl. The ultimate goal would be to build a love for Chinese literature within these two children. My neighbor would transport me there and back as she was hired to transport the boy from school and then to cook dinner for the family.
We will see how that goes. But back to the book room, I saw hundreds of donated books being sorted and entered into the database. A few pieces of furniture were placed in different corners. God willing, the book room may even open on January 15, 2013!
The corner shop lot is beautifully renovated. The staff quarter looks lived in finally. To date, we have one full time counter staff, one kitchen worker, a book seller and a temporary manager whose real job is to oversee translation projects in different parts of Asia.
Sad to say, my husband and I put out a fleece and found that we are not supposed to move up at all. I don't quite understand why I am being given much time to read, contemplate, write a few passages now and then. But I have to accept that here is where God wants me to be. Last year, when I prayed about a part-time teaching project to earn some money for travel, God generously gave me two trips: one to Shanghai and the other to Canton. Therefore I am most grateful and could not complain at all. If it fits in with what God allows me to do, I hope to see two children two or three times a week. I will be paid to speak to them in Mandarin: a six year old boy and an infant girl. The ultimate goal would be to build a love for Chinese literature within these two children. My neighbor would transport me there and back as she was hired to transport the boy from school and then to cook dinner for the family.
We will see how that goes. But back to the book room, I saw hundreds of donated books being sorted and entered into the database. A few pieces of furniture were placed in different corners. God willing, the book room may even open on January 15, 2013!
(192) Zelda's update
This is another installment continuing from (9).
I just talked to my friend Zelda on the Skype. She has booked her return air ticket and if she could not extend her stay she would be back by January 28, 2013. I guess after writing to each other for over a year and then spending almost 6 months in the same housing area, he is still not exactly sure that she is the one he should wed.
Zelda went to visit her friends in Arkansas and Seattle. The church her boy friend worships in actually blessed her with a trip to Washington DC. During the week ends she managed to visit many places of interest around New Jersey. It was a wonderful rest, she managed to read many books and educate herself in psychology, how to listen to the raped, the sexually abused, the traumatized ... Even more important than gathering head knowledge, she was able to apply what she learned as God led her to those who needed a compassionate listening ear.
Now, more than before, I am sure God has good plans for her. America may just be a starting point. Being a practical and logical person, of course I would love to wrap up the saga with a wedding march. But our God is a surprising God at times, His ways are higher than ours. I could never perceive His thoughts by using my finite brain. And so I eagerly await Jan 28, it would be lovely to see Zelda face to face. Here, I reiterate that in the internet one finds more scams than romance. Unless you are sure that you are smart and scam proof, it is better to leave it alone. I wish that every woman would have the good fortune of Zelda in seeking a suitable mate in the cyber world, but that is a wish that cannot come true in our imperfect world!
I just talked to my friend Zelda on the Skype. She has booked her return air ticket and if she could not extend her stay she would be back by January 28, 2013. I guess after writing to each other for over a year and then spending almost 6 months in the same housing area, he is still not exactly sure that she is the one he should wed.
Zelda went to visit her friends in Arkansas and Seattle. The church her boy friend worships in actually blessed her with a trip to Washington DC. During the week ends she managed to visit many places of interest around New Jersey. It was a wonderful rest, she managed to read many books and educate herself in psychology, how to listen to the raped, the sexually abused, the traumatized ... Even more important than gathering head knowledge, she was able to apply what she learned as God led her to those who needed a compassionate listening ear.
Now, more than before, I am sure God has good plans for her. America may just be a starting point. Being a practical and logical person, of course I would love to wrap up the saga with a wedding march. But our God is a surprising God at times, His ways are higher than ours. I could never perceive His thoughts by using my finite brain. And so I eagerly await Jan 28, it would be lovely to see Zelda face to face. Here, I reiterate that in the internet one finds more scams than romance. Unless you are sure that you are smart and scam proof, it is better to leave it alone. I wish that every woman would have the good fortune of Zelda in seeking a suitable mate in the cyber world, but that is a wish that cannot come true in our imperfect world!
(191) Recycling books
In my recycling of books, I have had two requests. A missionary translator from North America (working in South East Asia) asked me to keep a look out for any reading materials written by Mercer Mayer. It does not matter how old or tattered it is, he wants them. But until today, I have not seen a single one in book stores, second hand book shops or in the piles of books that friends gave to me.
Many years ago, I was working in Texas as a young adult. A co-worker mentioned the blue cheese moon and I was incredulous. Until then I have not heard about Dr. Seuss. Another kind person actually went home and hunted for a Dr. Seuss book to show me. In The Watchers, on page 268, quite a few children's authors were listed: Dr. Seuss, Maurice Sendak, Phil Parks, Susi Bohdal, Sue Dreamer, and Mercer Mayer.
So now I have an idea that Mercer Mayer is or was among the top few children authors that anyone well read cares to name. Another book lover asked me to look out for books by Alexandra McCall Smith. I found one, she gladly took it but asked me to continue to look out for the Lady Detective series.
Many years ago, I was working in Texas as a young adult. A co-worker mentioned the blue cheese moon and I was incredulous. Until then I have not heard about Dr. Seuss. Another kind person actually went home and hunted for a Dr. Seuss book to show me. In The Watchers, on page 268, quite a few children's authors were listed: Dr. Seuss, Maurice Sendak, Phil Parks, Susi Bohdal, Sue Dreamer, and Mercer Mayer.
So now I have an idea that Mercer Mayer is or was among the top few children authors that anyone well read cares to name. Another book lover asked me to look out for books by Alexandra McCall Smith. I found one, she gladly took it but asked me to continue to look out for the Lady Detective series.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
(182) Pragmatics
My friend and I have been attending a prayer meeting for almost two years. One day she asked me over dinner in an Indian Muslim restaurant, "I noticed you have been keeping silent even when a topic was raised that would interest you during the prayer meeting?"
My answer was I sensed that my contribution was not expected nor appreciated. I could neither justify nor prove it, but lingering feelings were there nevertheless. my friend, let us call her Kate here, said that she had not experienced it thus far.
Half a year later, she related her own experience during one prayer meeting when I was out of town. Kate opened her mouth and shared her knowledge about a new hand phone which she had researched when someone mentioned that she was not sure which type of hand phone to buy for her aged mum. Shortly after that sharing, a fourth person asked about some computer related subject, the youngest mother in the group refused to answer and smiled sweetly at Kate and said she deferred to the expert. Now that statement was laced with saccharin and the pointed stare was filled with venom. Kate told me that she felt like she was in a nightmare and something improbable was happening.
Kate asked me if she was going crazy? I laughed and said that it probably happened exactly as she related even if I was not there. I was not surprise at all! Personally I went through something similar, an equally sweet remark came from a demure, loving, proper lady who was actually the hidden leader of the group. There was nothing wrong with her suggestion, her body language nor any mannerism. But I distinctly felt rebuked for sharing my experience and hands on knowledge with a younger mother who needed help. We were told gently to form a new interest group for special education. In other words, the mother who asked the questions should not have taken everybody's time. I should not have consumed collective time by answering. That was the very last time I contributed in that group. I continued to attend irregularly and phased myself out gradually.
While I responded by slowly distancing myself from this group, I have joined another group where the agenda is on the table and everyone is free to keep quiet and speak his or her piece by choice. My objective is simple, I want to pray in a group, be encouraged and if possible I will encourage others.
There is really no need to be part of a group that involves not only group dynamics but where I have to deal with an unexpected set of pragmatics. According to my son, Michael, there is a small group of people who could neither sense nor learn these unwritten rules which no one talks about. Such a group of people would always feel like outsiders and would never be accepted by the normal folks. I wonder if Kate and I are marginally part of this group of "weird" outcasts? Why did I take two years to realize that there is nothing wrong with me? If the earlier of folks thrives on absolute control, then they would have to do it without my support. It may take Kate longer to decide to leave.
My answer was I sensed that my contribution was not expected nor appreciated. I could neither justify nor prove it, but lingering feelings were there nevertheless. my friend, let us call her Kate here, said that she had not experienced it thus far.
Half a year later, she related her own experience during one prayer meeting when I was out of town. Kate opened her mouth and shared her knowledge about a new hand phone which she had researched when someone mentioned that she was not sure which type of hand phone to buy for her aged mum. Shortly after that sharing, a fourth person asked about some computer related subject, the youngest mother in the group refused to answer and smiled sweetly at Kate and said she deferred to the expert. Now that statement was laced with saccharin and the pointed stare was filled with venom. Kate told me that she felt like she was in a nightmare and something improbable was happening.
Kate asked me if she was going crazy? I laughed and said that it probably happened exactly as she related even if I was not there. I was not surprise at all! Personally I went through something similar, an equally sweet remark came from a demure, loving, proper lady who was actually the hidden leader of the group. There was nothing wrong with her suggestion, her body language nor any mannerism. But I distinctly felt rebuked for sharing my experience and hands on knowledge with a younger mother who needed help. We were told gently to form a new interest group for special education. In other words, the mother who asked the questions should not have taken everybody's time. I should not have consumed collective time by answering. That was the very last time I contributed in that group. I continued to attend irregularly and phased myself out gradually.
While I responded by slowly distancing myself from this group, I have joined another group where the agenda is on the table and everyone is free to keep quiet and speak his or her piece by choice. My objective is simple, I want to pray in a group, be encouraged and if possible I will encourage others.
There is really no need to be part of a group that involves not only group dynamics but where I have to deal with an unexpected set of pragmatics. According to my son, Michael, there is a small group of people who could neither sense nor learn these unwritten rules which no one talks about. Such a group of people would always feel like outsiders and would never be accepted by the normal folks. I wonder if Kate and I are marginally part of this group of "weird" outcasts? Why did I take two years to realize that there is nothing wrong with me? If the earlier of folks thrives on absolute control, then they would have to do it without my support. It may take Kate longer to decide to leave.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
(179) retail therapy
I went to visit my childhood friend. She showed me four working shirts: two with long sleeves and two with short sleeves. They are lovely shirts: white, black, pink and purple. Each with different collars and minor variations in design. Come to think of it, when we first started to work we would go to look at shirts like that in Metrojaya (a departmental store popular many years ago) on Saturdays but could not afford to buy any of them.
Don't ask me why, she actually bought them a size smaller and after keeping them for a year in her closet she decided to give them to my daughter, Elizabeth. I was of course overjoyed as those were lovely clothes of high quality. As I was driving back, I wonder if this is a sort of retail therapy. You see, when we were that size, we were living from hand to mouth. It would be a good month if we could save one hundred dollars. Then we rolled into the land of becoming mothers. New mothers obviously could not fit into tight shirts. Then we quickly grow into practical women who wear clothes that required no ironing. Now that our children are off our hands, we finally have the extra time to go shopping to our hearts' content. For her, she has a high disposable income too, thanks to her inheritance from her mom.
Well, I happen to have all I need but not much else to burn. To date, I have not bought things that I don't wear or use. But I wonder, suppose I have an extra $300,000 cash in the bank, would I become a wishful shopper too?
Don't ask me why, she actually bought them a size smaller and after keeping them for a year in her closet she decided to give them to my daughter, Elizabeth. I was of course overjoyed as those were lovely clothes of high quality. As I was driving back, I wonder if this is a sort of retail therapy. You see, when we were that size, we were living from hand to mouth. It would be a good month if we could save one hundred dollars. Then we rolled into the land of becoming mothers. New mothers obviously could not fit into tight shirts. Then we quickly grow into practical women who wear clothes that required no ironing. Now that our children are off our hands, we finally have the extra time to go shopping to our hearts' content. For her, she has a high disposable income too, thanks to her inheritance from her mom.
Well, I happen to have all I need but not much else to burn. To date, I have not bought things that I don't wear or use. But I wonder, suppose I have an extra $300,000 cash in the bank, would I become a wishful shopper too?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
(178) Money for retirement
How much money one needs to retire on? I quot one ordinary couple who lives in a link house and drives ordinary cars: ten million dollars. (one US$ is about 3 local dollars)
Six women heard this remark. The only mathematical one, who happens to be a former banker, started calculating. Well, by conventional financial instruments, one could expect to produce $10,000 per month with $5 million. We started asking each other, none around the tea table needs that much to pay regular bills. Among the group, one careful soul said that if one is sick and requires expensive treatment then much more than that would be good to have on hand. Other than that, whoever made the claim either lives luxuriously or is filthy rich.
The retirement age in my country has just been raised to 60. Most women are happy for their husbands to work longer. Out of the six in the conversation group, two are looking forward to retire at 55. None of any of the group's children are married. The eldest single daughter represented is 32 years old. The eldest son found is 25. There is really no guarantee that retirement would mean having grand children to play with.
Six women heard this remark. The only mathematical one, who happens to be a former banker, started calculating. Well, by conventional financial instruments, one could expect to produce $10,000 per month with $5 million. We started asking each other, none around the tea table needs that much to pay regular bills. Among the group, one careful soul said that if one is sick and requires expensive treatment then much more than that would be good to have on hand. Other than that, whoever made the claim either lives luxuriously or is filthy rich.
The retirement age in my country has just been raised to 60. Most women are happy for their husbands to work longer. Out of the six in the conversation group, two are looking forward to retire at 55. None of any of the group's children are married. The eldest single daughter represented is 32 years old. The eldest son found is 25. There is really no guarantee that retirement would mean having grand children to play with.
Monday, December 10, 2012
(177) Young adults chose to be unemployed
Many years ago I heard my husband the amateur sociologist telling everyone who would listen that there was a trend for young folks in Japan who stayed home, did not work and chose to remain single while waiting to inherit the parents' wealth. My hubby spent a few months as an exchange student in the fair country of cherry blossoms.
A few years ago his former boss' son failed to finish his degree and ended up being a trust fund driver and companion to his wealthy parents. Today I heard that a rich couple has a middle daughter who graduated from a reputable university in Australia, worked at a local college for a few years and then sat at home for one and a half years twiddling her thumbs. At the same dinner table there was a lady whose son stayed in New Zealand for more than a year looking for some specific job but was not successful. The said young man has been in the country for many years and has obtained permanent resident status.
The young lady mentioned above spent her nights clubbing with her gainfully employed friends. She seemed to be rather happy with being unemployed, not really applying for jobs. The young man in question spent hours playing tennis with juniors in his university. They certainly are not bored at all!
For my generation, I don't remember ever hearing a single case like that unless the person involved has some physical or mental disability. Perhaps we were too busy climbing out of the extreme poverty we grew up in. The sudden wealth my generation acquired may yet turn out to be a curse for the next generation!
A few years ago his former boss' son failed to finish his degree and ended up being a trust fund driver and companion to his wealthy parents. Today I heard that a rich couple has a middle daughter who graduated from a reputable university in Australia, worked at a local college for a few years and then sat at home for one and a half years twiddling her thumbs. At the same dinner table there was a lady whose son stayed in New Zealand for more than a year looking for some specific job but was not successful. The said young man has been in the country for many years and has obtained permanent resident status.
The young lady mentioned above spent her nights clubbing with her gainfully employed friends. She seemed to be rather happy with being unemployed, not really applying for jobs. The young man in question spent hours playing tennis with juniors in his university. They certainly are not bored at all!
For my generation, I don't remember ever hearing a single case like that unless the person involved has some physical or mental disability. Perhaps we were too busy climbing out of the extreme poverty we grew up in. The sudden wealth my generation acquired may yet turn out to be a curse for the next generation!
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