(1328) Beau

One would assume beautiful and intelligent women would marry well.

In reality, the answer is not always. If you have read my previous blog (1326) Overcomers: Second Child, then you see it illustrated a beautiful and intelligent woman who married a philanderer in haste, and repented at leisure.

Do you think that she was blinded by his good looks and wealth? Could it be that he had always been a womaniser but she was confident of reforming him? Or could it be that she was an absentee wife who was really married to her profession? Whatever it was, the divorce was unavoidable and final for her. She was obviously an ambitious woman who places her career above any husband of hers.

Now we look at another beautiful and intelligent single girl. She was a Petronas scholar and studied in United Kingdom. After graduation, she held a good position in the oil and gas industry, that was way before fracking, and sudden price slump in petroleum. While she was a student, she became engaged with an eligible young man with a bright future.

He visited her parents to formally ask for her hand in marriage.The parents were pleased with the match. However, there was a catch. Upon the nuptial, the girl's parents would purchase a very nice detached house in the girl's name. When both parents passed on, the couple would have to take the younger brother who could not care for himself, into their home. Of course there would be a trust fund left to be administered by the sister of this special needs boy.

Apparently the requirement was in cast iron, there was no place for negotiation. The suitor was quite willing to assume the care if the imbecile was to live next door to him and his wife. After all, the would-be wife was the only sibling of her mentally challenged brother. In the end, the young man refused to accept the condition, and broke up with his fiancee. A year later, he met a better alternative and got married. Beauty and intelligence do not equate EQ in matrimony.

(1327) Doppelganger

When married women get together, one topic is children, and the other is husbands.

My long time friend told a roomful of married matrons that if anyone ever saw her husband walking around with a sweet young thing, do not tell her. I think she was in her late forties then. The group descended on her and every one had a different opinion. I was really amused and did not take part in the free-for-all. It was rather fun to see so many of them arguing with excitement and red faces.

I sat by the window and thought, it was most unlikely I'd see her husband anywhere. Firstly I seldom go out, a writer often lives in the world of thoughts and solitude. Secondly, he is definitely two classes above me economically, we would not go to the same establishment. After all, he owns factories in Vietnam and China.

Life is strange. My husband loves to collect discount coupons and eat at expensive places at reduced prices. One day, he talked me into visiting an out-of-the-way shopping mall in the morning to make use of a soon expiring coupon. We walked into an Italian restaurant and breakfasted on pizza. I did love American pizza as a student, but generally I steered clear of Malaysian pizza. Sometimes one has to compromise to keep the peace in a marriage.

We were seated two tables from the main entrance. After ordering, I excused myself to visit the ladies, walking out of the main entrance. On the way out, it seemed my husband and I were the only patrons. On the way back, I took the side entrance and I saw a middle-aged man with a college-aged girl seated way at the back in a secluded corner. At first glance, he was a spitting image of my old friend's husband.

I did not dare to look again. After all, she had made it clear that she did not want to know. There was not much point confirming my impression, it is best to let sleeping dogs lie. My face must have shown my shock, my husband immediately asked if anything was wrong. I told him my suspicion, and he was curious. After our meal, it was his turn to go to the gent's and he took a good look on the way back. We both saw the guy five years ago, he had his hair then. Now this man looked exactly like him but was bald. We agreed we must have found a doppleganger of the man in question. It could be him, or it could be a stranger that looked like him. And we left it at that. Till today, I did not tell anybody of this incident, until this blog post.

(1326) Overcomers: Second Child

The second child is a daughter. She too, holds two degrees from renowned universities. Moreover, she has a jet-setting job that brings her to over four continents. Her yearly income exceeds $348,ooo.

She married the most eligible bachelor of the year. His father is a rich and well-known Datuk(a local title conferred by royalty, like knighthood, Sir in UK). All things went well until her double promotion that led to flying all over the place for meetings and projects. Her friends, neighbors, relatives and family all advised her to scale down her international travel. It seemed everyone in town knew about her handsome husband's exploits except her. With the help of her family and neighbours, she finally caught her husband red-handed in the marital bed with a notorious model. She moved out the same day and divorced him soon after, despite his pleadings and apologies.

She is thirty-four this year and kind of decided to go it alone. After all, she does not need money from any man. She certainly does not need problems from a troublesome husband. She lives for her exciting job and enjoys going to different parts of the world. Her sister lives next door and her brother somewhere down the road. Her affluent father made sure the children live near each other and keep an eye on each other's properties when one is away. He gave them $200,000 each as down payment for the houses.

(1325)Overcomers: First Child

Eric and his wife have three children, well, not kids anymore. Their eldest is a male, thirty seven years old this year. He holds two degrees and works in a good company at a responsible position that pays seventeen thousand a month(204,000 a year). As far as academics and career go, he has got it made.

However, he happened to choose a girlfriend who is so much younger than he was, a cradle snatcher. As things went, he undertook to financially provide for her tertiary education. After all, he had made up his mind to marry her. But even such an understanding would not account for a friendly loan between the two sets of parents of an amount entailing 5 digits, which was never returned. Whatever financial undertaking it was, it defies understanding that a few years after the break up (when the ex-girlfiend graduated), the son still receives bank correspondence demanding payments. Apparently the girl was not innocent, she totally made full use of him as a sugar daddy for as long as she was in college. The day she graduated, she broke up with him and switched to another handsomer younger man.

Heart break is one thing, being able to trust another person after such a betrayal must be difficult. After a few years of loneliness, he found a second person closer to his age. The potential bride is the elder of three girls, who came from a single parent household. Now Eric and wife looked at their son's situation, and are rather wary of the mother-in-law moving in with their only son. Since they contributed $200,000 to purchase a house for their son, they stipulated that the in-laws could live nearby, but never move into the house they paid a lump sum, and had a stake in.

Chinese are notorious for forcing their children to be super achievers in school and at work. Could it be that all those restrictions and discipline, would eventually limit the children's social development, as well as produce gullible adults who could not detect gold diggers?

(1324) Overcomers: Her

In the case of Eric's wife, her early years were difficult too. Her dad chalked up heavy debts and then disappeared overnight, leaving his wife and three children. The poor woman worked as a baker in the wee hours and laboured as a farmer to pay all those debts. Each of her three children were placed with grandparents or uncles. As those relatives weren't bad people, there was enough to eat and each was able to go to school.

She was hard working and has been employed since her teens in various part-time jobs. After obtaining the education certificate at age 18, she went to work as a cadet reporter for a Chinese newspaper. After years of frugal living, she saved up enough to study accountancy in TAR College. Three years later, she graduated at the ripe age of 29.

Due to their early suffering and the years of perseverence to overcome poverty, both Eric and his wife believed strongly in education. They trained their three children from young to excel in their academics and stressed the importance of qualifications. On the surface, they have succeeded wonderfully. The following three blogs would narrate details of their children's education and career achievements. But life, however, does not just consist of schooling and work. It is very interesting to follow the three offsprings' lives of these two overcomers.

(1323) Overcomers: Him

Recently I met a couple who relocated to an apartment complex near where I reside. They came here to escape from the hustle and bustle of Kuala Lumpur.

Over coffee, we shared about our childhood experiences growing up in Kuala Lumpur. Eric's parents passed away in a car accident when he was in primary school, leaving him and a younger sister. Even though much compensation from insurance was made, his uncles took the pay out, and abandoned him and his sister. They were housed in their aunt's garage, only provided with the bare minimum to survive. After he entered secondary school, he had to wait at tables in the afternoon to earn enough to provide for himself and his sister. It was difficult to grow up being treated like beggars by his deceased father's blood sister. Still, he had a chance to study and better himself. He worked hard and was fortunate to be given quite a few scholarships on his way to acquire his first degree.

I was full of admiration for his significant achievement although he was dealt with quite a poor hand in early life. He expressed deep appreciation for his wife who released him for one whole year to complete his Master's degree in Australia. As a young wife recently married, she trusted her husband enough to endure such a prolonged separation in view of a better future. It is not often for one to meet with someone who overcame great odds like him.

(1322)Golden Hair Rat

Not that I am a horoscope nut, but each Chinese year is represented by an animal. I was born under the rat symbol. Hence it was easy for the brain to link the following story to the year I was born in.

Long ago and far away, there was a tiny village in a kind of fertile valley in China. There were fifteen households of wet paddy farmers. There was only one precarious mountain trail linking it to a regional town. For at least two generations, they were bullied by a corrupt merchant who bought up all their surplus grain at lower price by force. As the Chinese ancients quoted:"The majestrate's gate is wide open, those with truth but no money do not walk in".

One autumn, the paddy heads were golden in the sunlight. A few aged and the young were at home. Every able bodied person was in the fields harvesting. One small child spotted a rat. Soon everyone was chasing it to the ancestral hall, which was the biggest building. It climbed to a cross beam, did not hide but looked benovelently at those gathered. As a shaft of the setting sun back lit it, everyone present saw clearly that there was a golden hair on its head.

That night, everyone in the village sat under a big tree. The oldest man sat there, fanning himself. As he listened to a few children talking about the rat with the golden hair, he stroked his snowy beard and nodded his head. He said, his grandfather had a golden hair on his forehead. During grandfather's youth and middle-age years, the village was free. There were volunteer guards and no one dared to subjugate them. Each man carried his harvest to town and those were the prosperous years.

The next day, the oldest man sent his two teenage grandsons to covertly scout out the lone trail from a wooden mountainside. Strangely, there were no bad characters guarding the trail. The able body men plotted and started early the following morning to bring unmilled rice camourflaged as charcoal to town. That evening, they came back with silver coins, shared fairly and each family hid the money wisely.

Each day after that, unmilled rice was carried out under fruits, vegetables, firewood and sold. They left a certain amount to sell to the bad merchant. A few drunk underlings came, bought the rice without the boss. Apparently, the crook was busy courting his fourth concubine.

Thus a new era started after the sighting of the golden hair rat. The villagers' fortune changed for the better. Year by year, the crook lost himself in wine, women and song. He gradually lost his power, one day he died of apoplexy. His eldest son was an opium addict. The second son was an alcoholic, the third one joined the military and never returned. The fourth one ran off, changed his name and worked for a living. The village was free again. Everyone blessed the day they saw the golden hair rat.

(1321)Leaky pipe

This is still the first week of the third lock down. Our neighbour's blue plastic water drum's connecting inlet pipe has been leaking every night for the past few days. Well, I actually lost count of how many nights it had been raining the entire time. Rain water, leaking tap water, all flowed down to the drain. Water signifies wealth in the Chinese culture. Of course it is not good to waste clean drinking water, but what can a person do under lock down? Plumbers are not listed under essential workers, neither is electrician! Everyone is told to stay home and avoid contact to others so as not to spread COVID.

My son laughed at the ancient Chinese: water can mean wealth! Animal droppings could mean money(guano). Why can't the hundreds of rodents in the storm drain mean gold? Now! Wait a minute! I seemed to remember a story called Goldern hair rat... will type it as the next blog.

(1320) Scallop

My sister-in-law is a Cantonese. She brought new ingredients into my family. Porridge for children was boiled with dried scallop.

Talking about scallop, I remembered the very first time I had fresh scallop was in San Francisco with my "little sister". While in college, my "big sister" was a white American who grew up in West Germany. My "little sister" was a Singaporean. It was a syatem of having a junior or senior helping a freshman settle in the first month.

With my mum, a good cooking stock was made from anchovies, chicken carcase or pork bones. My current landlady, however, uses dried oyster or scallop, chicken bones and pork vertebrae. Apparently top stock was always made with sea food, fowl and cattle.No wonder Chinese spinach in top stock (siong tong yin choi, Cantonese) always tasted very rich.

(1319) Abalone

As far as I could recall, abalone was an expensive delicacy. The first time I ate a fresh abalone was during a wedding reception in a Singapore hotel, I was 24 years old.

As a foreign student visiting a beach in Victoria, Australia, my husband found live abalone in the seventies. I asked if it tasted good. He said he threw it back into the sea as there was a local law forbidding the harvesting of sea creatures.

Fast forward 25 years, my nephew told his mother in a pleading voice,"I don't want to eat any more abalone!" We all laughed. The three year old didn't realize he was most fortunate to be fed abalone, which was considered on par with bird nest as Imperial Court food for Chinese Emperors in history.

Now my nephew is 14 years old. Imagine my delight when I heard that he earns 3 to 4 digit income from video editing on line. Maybe the shut downs really could be considered a blessing in his case.

(1318) Making money during COVID

The last time the state gave out stimulas cheques of $750, the line of cars around the McD drive through wound unceasingly from 10.30am to 7.50 pm. It was seldom that the line did not reach the nearest roundabout. One lunch time I counted 17 delivery men(Food Panda and Grab) all lined up in a row. That went on for at least two weeks.

Now the momentum is building again. I am beginning to see long lines outside of meal times. This morning I counted 12 delivery men waiting for orders to go. Yesterday the waiting men numbered 16 for lunch. Well! Well! Well! The much touted cheques of $300 must have started to go into the earlier receipients' bank accounts. The suceeding amounts are for purchasing essential food for the unemployed. One wonders how it is finding its way to an already rich fast food franchisee.

Now I see how the rich will become richer, even in terrible times. During the war it was the armament manufacturers laughing to the bank. Now with COVID, it would be fast food drive through and pharmaceutical conglomerates raking it in.

(1317) Fish Maw

As a child, I was a picky eater. Often, when food on the table could not be easily identified, my mum wouldn't say what it was unless I try it.

The first time I know of eating the air-sacs of fish was in Silver city. My dear neighbour cooked for three families and often passed food over the fence. I suspected that she took pity on my husband and children, as I am really not much of a cook. One good turn deserves another, in return I used to help her picking up items or take her to places. She did not learn to drive.

When I raved about Mrs Chan's yu peow(Chinese name for fish maw) soup, my dad said that he must have eaten lots while it was poor man's food. When he was growing up in a fishing village, they would air dry the sacs and then deep fry them to keep. Then the Japanese scientists found that it contained unique proteins that contributed to good health, they bidded up the price of fish maw in South East Asian coastal cities. Now it is known as rich man's food, served during festivals and Chinese New Year. In a few years' time, my dad would have been born 100 years.

(1316) Rodents n tigers

Recently a piece of old back plastic insulated pipe my landlady kept was chewed to pieces.I suspected rodent activity. But that is strange as this building had been allowed to be a cat hotel by last tenant. I have noticed up to three different cats spent nights or days hidden among the landlord's many equipment from his restaurant days in the store room. We boast of three large deep chest freezers in the roomy kitchen.To get ventilation, the front door is always open. It is pleasant to get land breeze(wind from land to sea) in the mornings and sea breeze(wind from sea to land) in the afternoons or evenings. So far I have heard once or twice mice dancing on the ceiling. Personally I have not seen any mouse, rat or droppings in the building.

I found myself saying "Che Siti" when I pointed to the fragmented plastic.It was an alternate name that my father-in-law used to refer to rats. He said it was a name his grandma, a peranakan lady, would use. Peranakan refers to the descendents of Chinese who could have married other races, as a result Chinese dialects were lost. Generally Peranakan spoke Malay and English more than Mandarin. We find peranakan living in Penang, Melaka and Singapore, called collectively as the Straits Settlement by the British colonists. My youngest child probably inherited some of her paternal great-great grandma's genes. Strangers could ask in all seriousness whether she was Korean or mix race.

Talking about alternate names, I think of one evening in my teens. My family went to visit my father's mother in Johor. My dad's village was at the southern tip of the Malay peninsular across from the Singapore island. My cousin was ferrying me home from town after a day out. My grandma lived in a wooden house on stilts with palm leaf roofing amonst rubber trees not too far from the forest reserve. In the rural area very young people were trained to tranport others and things even though they were under age. My cousin was 12 years old. We rode on a Honda low cc motorbike without helmets. I almost fell off around a fast curve. Amidst laughter, she shushed me. She spoke in a low voice, 'Not to laugh or "Tua Pek Kung" would come hunting.' You see, that morning she told me there were tigers sighted nearby. During daylight hours, she said tigers. At night, she said TPK which meant either oldest great uncle or a Chinese deity who supposedly live in the jungle.

Apparently, if one does not want to invite rats into houses or tigers to hunt one down, we call them by the alternate names.

(1315) Are you happy at work?

After her graduation, my youngest had a reunion with her Fifth Form mates. She came back telling me that she was the only one happy with her job. There were four young men and four young women besides her. Some were working for well known companies and one or two were fairly well paid by local standards. Each said that come one year or so they would change companies, one wanted to get out of his field entirely.

I look back to a gathering I had after returning from the States. They were five female and two male friends. We gathered at A&W and had root beer floats. I was then teaching in a shop lot college. I could not complain about pay as my contemporaries were either jobless or working as interns in accounting firms for a miserable $400 per month. We started with the guys. One worked at his uncle printing shop, he was going to take over when his uncle decide to retire. Happy? He merely said that it was good to be paid at the end of the month. The other guy was the youngest in a family of ten. He was slotted to take over his dad's wholesale shop in town because he was the only one who could and would take over. He was married, soon with two mouths to feed besides his homemaker wife. He was working extremely hard to pay bills, thanking God that his big extended family was solvent. His dad passed way rather unexpectedly a year ago.

As to the ladies, Mei hated her job with a developer. She said it was still better than being unemployed. She was, nevertheless, interviewing on the sly before confirmation. It was good that she could move freely from headquarter to a few site sale offices in different parts of town. Jenny said a job is a job. She would work smart and be on the look out for a better offer. Milly said she loved the first flight to London, she was a stewardess. But she would wait until she got tired of flying to Los Angeles and New York City before thinking of quitting. We had a fun time teasing her about her wealthy boy friend in London. Laila said her work was fascinating, but her boss was terrible! Unless she could hop out soon, she would find herself working nights and weekends. Next to the air-hostess, she was the second well paid one. Lee Lee was the lucky one who landed in a field of clover. She loved her work and got along with her boss like a house on fire. Thirty years later, she was the only childless one among the nine of us. I guess children do not go well together with a distinguished career.

If you love your job, you are very lucky. In retirement, I am most fortunate to have enough to live on, but more than anything else the time and peace to write to my heart's content.