A week ago a friend's daughter was planning a wedding. The invitation card came with a small butter cake. It is customary for the prospective groom's family to furnish with a certain number of boxes of pastry for the bride's family to distribute. In my time, my parents only informed close relatives. I took the easy way out, I invited only my ultimate boss and my maid of honor to my dinner reception. Everybody else was invited to my church ceremony and lunch reception.
If I do not remember wrongly, I think my parents only asked for twelve boxes of the "marry off the daughter" biscuits. A small pink box contained two pieces of flaky pastry, one of them containing lotus seed (like moon cake) filling that seemed yellow and the other with bean filling which is black.Now I can't quite recall which one had pink pastry and which had yellow pastry. Both pastry was sweet in taste symbolizing the sweetness in the coming marriage.
All my in-state relatives received each one visit from my parents, bearing individually the invitation card and the box of pastry. Any out of state relatives and those in Singapore received each a long distance call bearing glad tidings.
After I was married, I remember some juniors of mine distributed pieces of well decorated sponge cake neatly placed in boxes. And I thought times have changed. Now that my children have reached marriageable age, I see another possible way of announcing a marriage by giving a small cake.
Perhaps by the time my youngest bring home her prince charming, she may indeed invite all her friends by on-line invitation and reservation as she intimated. Me being a dinosaur, I probably would limit my guest list to an absolute minimum, I plan to mail out my cards and replace the visits by phone calls.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
(163) Flattery pays
A good friend of mine revealed her home background to me when I by chance met both sets of her parents. Interestingly her biological father divorced her rather beautiful biological mother and married a short and fat woman 26 years his junior.
The root cause of the divorce was he desperately needed ego boosting hourly and his well educated, cultured wife refused to say what was not really true 100% on demand. His second wife who was seducing him while he was still married could replay not very sincere compliments by the minute to inflate his overly big ego. Sure, he was a CEO at a relatively young age; heck! He certainly was not born royal nor was he a dictator who happened to be the Chief of All Armed Forces. Wrong position and wrong station in life to expect to hear constant ego boosting lies. Thirty years after adultery and divorce, he was in his seventies and he was being treated like an old man with one foot in the grave. The fifty year old wife resented him for being bald, hard of hearing and being house bound : the curse of incontinence! The old man's two sons and wives have to bite their tongues hard trying not to ask:"What did you really expect when you seduced someone's husband who was 26 years your senior??" But being civilized and tactful, they stayed as little time as possible to hear her woes.
Just yesterday I heard from another friend that her youngest sister married the latter's high school sweetheart. The couple built a multi-million industry from zero and have five children. Before the children were grown, the husband moved out with a mainland China doll acquired on his business trips. He somehow paid his wife off and booted her out of the office. To be fair, my friend said that her sis was not entirely in the right. She heard with her own ears that her sis put down her husband in a house warming party. A guest was singing high praise of her husband's business acumen when she said her husband would not be where he was without her. While the statement could actually be true to a certain extent, it was tactically the wrong time and wrong place to say such a thing! It would have been smarter to hear other people say it or wait until all the guests were gone.
For my readers who are female and single, if you lack beauty, brain, attractive personality and breeding, perhaps all you need to develop is to learn to say the right words to boost men's ego at the right time. Should you be able to meet such a man's inner needs, you would be the best wife he could get in this life.
The root cause of the divorce was he desperately needed ego boosting hourly and his well educated, cultured wife refused to say what was not really true 100% on demand. His second wife who was seducing him while he was still married could replay not very sincere compliments by the minute to inflate his overly big ego. Sure, he was a CEO at a relatively young age; heck! He certainly was not born royal nor was he a dictator who happened to be the Chief of All Armed Forces. Wrong position and wrong station in life to expect to hear constant ego boosting lies. Thirty years after adultery and divorce, he was in his seventies and he was being treated like an old man with one foot in the grave. The fifty year old wife resented him for being bald, hard of hearing and being house bound : the curse of incontinence! The old man's two sons and wives have to bite their tongues hard trying not to ask:"What did you really expect when you seduced someone's husband who was 26 years your senior??" But being civilized and tactful, they stayed as little time as possible to hear her woes.
Just yesterday I heard from another friend that her youngest sister married the latter's high school sweetheart. The couple built a multi-million industry from zero and have five children. Before the children were grown, the husband moved out with a mainland China doll acquired on his business trips. He somehow paid his wife off and booted her out of the office. To be fair, my friend said that her sis was not entirely in the right. She heard with her own ears that her sis put down her husband in a house warming party. A guest was singing high praise of her husband's business acumen when she said her husband would not be where he was without her. While the statement could actually be true to a certain extent, it was tactically the wrong time and wrong place to say such a thing! It would have been smarter to hear other people say it or wait until all the guests were gone.
For my readers who are female and single, if you lack beauty, brain, attractive personality and breeding, perhaps all you need to develop is to learn to say the right words to boost men's ego at the right time. Should you be able to meet such a man's inner needs, you would be the best wife he could get in this life.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
(162) The difference between marriage n divorce
I have a friend who married by civil registry, it cost her and her hubby $20 thirty years ago. She separated from her ex twenty years ago because he got a native underage girl pregnant. All these years there was no desire to get a divorce as she has had no intention of remarrying. Recently there was a prospective boy friend. Finally she sued for a divorce, he turned nasty and refused to sign. The cost of a no fault divorce would have cost her below $3,000. But since he contested, a second court appearance would cost her $2,000 more.
I thought that was exorbitant, then a neighbor told me that she paid 15,000 Singaporean dollars for her divorce. Even that was a reduced rate, as a nasty divorce with some custody argument could easily go up to S$40,000. I gasped and wonder if that is why youngsters choose to co-habit and not say I do. Imagine one could marry in haste: after all any Mary, Jane and Margie could dig out $20 to tie the knot. But until one saves up enough dough, matrimony is a chain that takes lots of money to unlock.
I thought that was exorbitant, then a neighbor told me that she paid 15,000 Singaporean dollars for her divorce. Even that was a reduced rate, as a nasty divorce with some custody argument could easily go up to S$40,000. I gasped and wonder if that is why youngsters choose to co-habit and not say I do. Imagine one could marry in haste: after all any Mary, Jane and Margie could dig out $20 to tie the knot. But until one saves up enough dough, matrimony is a chain that takes lots of money to unlock.
(156) The old Chinese wish to die at home
Today my friend Susie told me that after her dad passed on, her mum lived on her own. The deceased old lady was rather domineering. One would not expect her only son and daughter-in-law to take her in. But during her final illness, they did bring her home after the doctor declared from that point on it was paliative care only. Shortly after, she breathed her last. A month or so later, the son sold his house and moved temporarily to a rented house before looking for a suitable property to purchase.
My father did not get his wish of dying at home. When his eldest son purchased a new house many years prior to his death, he chose to sell his and moved to the son's. It is customary for the eldest son to look after the old parents in his house till they die. At the last week of his life, he could not even stand up. We simply did not have the facility to use wheel chair in my brother's house: the bathroom door was too narrow. Nobody dares to take him home, apart from logistics, there is no nurse or doctor in our family. We are also not wealthy enough to hire any private nurse.
Anyway, my mother is glad today that my deceased father was not brought home as he requested. Otherwise she might be afraid to sleep in their bedroom. You may think she is a coward. She is indeed a woman of many fears. But God is kind to spare her, shortly after my brother took her home, I turned up and was by my father's bedside during his last moments. The doctor gave him two weeks, therefore I was there to make him as comfortable as possible. It just so happened that my Chinese Congregation Pastor turned up to pray for him. My dad listened to the prayer, gasped and was gone.
My father did not get his wish of dying at home. When his eldest son purchased a new house many years prior to his death, he chose to sell his and moved to the son's. It is customary for the eldest son to look after the old parents in his house till they die. At the last week of his life, he could not even stand up. We simply did not have the facility to use wheel chair in my brother's house: the bathroom door was too narrow. Nobody dares to take him home, apart from logistics, there is no nurse or doctor in our family. We are also not wealthy enough to hire any private nurse.
Anyway, my mother is glad today that my deceased father was not brought home as he requested. Otherwise she might be afraid to sleep in their bedroom. You may think she is a coward. She is indeed a woman of many fears. But God is kind to spare her, shortly after my brother took her home, I turned up and was by my father's bedside during his last moments. The doctor gave him two weeks, therefore I was there to make him as comfortable as possible. It just so happened that my Chinese Congregation Pastor turned up to pray for him. My dad listened to the prayer, gasped and was gone.
Monday, November 26, 2012
(154) Announcing the birth of an heir
In the last blog, I wrote about red eggs.
Actually, if the infant born was a boy, some other food would be sent to relatives earlier than 28 days. Before I brought my first born son home, my mother-in-law bought a big earthen pot. She bought a few urns of Chinese black rice vinegar and a few pork front trotters. She started a charcoal stove going at slow flame and the flame was not allowed to go out for an entire month.
Everyday she added cleaned and chunky pork trotter, old ginger, and the pungent black vinegar to the earthen pot. She served the delicacy to all and sundry who came to see the precious grandson. On the seventh day (perhaps because it was a Saturday) my husband was dispatched with quite a few containers of vinegar pork and chicken cooked in ginger and rice wine to be delivered to relatives. That day she cooked and cooked until the house smelled like a Chinese restaurant.
My mother-in-law was a Hokien while my father-in-law was a Cantonese. The latter's opinion on the significance of the day to deliver such good tidings was because of the infant mortality rate in China in the by gone years. According to my mother, who is a Hakka, such food was sent on the twelve day after my brother's birth.
Interestingly, none of these was done for any of my daughters after their births. My youngest daughter asked if she herself could carry out such a tradition for her daughters, she could as long as her husband has enough money to finance such undertakings and there is man power to produce and deliver all those food.
Actually, if the infant born was a boy, some other food would be sent to relatives earlier than 28 days. Before I brought my first born son home, my mother-in-law bought a big earthen pot. She bought a few urns of Chinese black rice vinegar and a few pork front trotters. She started a charcoal stove going at slow flame and the flame was not allowed to go out for an entire month.
Everyday she added cleaned and chunky pork trotter, old ginger, and the pungent black vinegar to the earthen pot. She served the delicacy to all and sundry who came to see the precious grandson. On the seventh day (perhaps because it was a Saturday) my husband was dispatched with quite a few containers of vinegar pork and chicken cooked in ginger and rice wine to be delivered to relatives. That day she cooked and cooked until the house smelled like a Chinese restaurant.
My mother-in-law was a Hokien while my father-in-law was a Cantonese. The latter's opinion on the significance of the day to deliver such good tidings was because of the infant mortality rate in China in the by gone years. According to my mother, who is a Hakka, such food was sent on the twelve day after my brother's birth.
Interestingly, none of these was done for any of my daughters after their births. My youngest daughter asked if she herself could carry out such a tradition for her daughters, she could as long as her husband has enough money to finance such undertakings and there is man power to produce and deliver all those food.
(147) Red eggs to celebrate one month of a child's birth
This afternoon I was peeling hard boiled eggs in my mother's kitchen. As the eggs were freshly bought a few days ago, it was rather difficult to peel them cleanly.
I recall the batch of hard boiled eggs colored red to be given away to announce my first born's birth more than twenty years ago. They were equally hard to peel. Since I have joined my present church, I have eaten quite a number of red eggs provided by new parents in church. There was one particular feast which was memorable. Not only the eggs were easy to peel, they were beautifully and evenly colored. I went around asking who the caterer was. It turned out that the paternal grandma of the new born cooked everything.
According to this knowledgeable old lady, one needs to purchase the eggs at least a week ahead of the full moon (one month from the birth of a child, 28 days) celebration. If we buy the eggs less than ten days ahead, they have to be kept at room temperature. Only fresh eggs are hard to peel, once they have aged, the shell comes off most easily. Then when we boil the eggs, we need to drop in a few drops of vinegar into the water to enable the red food dye to stick well. If the eggs and the boiling utensil are not oily, then there is no reason for patches to occur on the shells.
Now I have to remember to pass on these tips to my sister-in-law as her son already has a steady girl friend.
I recall the batch of hard boiled eggs colored red to be given away to announce my first born's birth more than twenty years ago. They were equally hard to peel. Since I have joined my present church, I have eaten quite a number of red eggs provided by new parents in church. There was one particular feast which was memorable. Not only the eggs were easy to peel, they were beautifully and evenly colored. I went around asking who the caterer was. It turned out that the paternal grandma of the new born cooked everything.
According to this knowledgeable old lady, one needs to purchase the eggs at least a week ahead of the full moon (one month from the birth of a child, 28 days) celebration. If we buy the eggs less than ten days ahead, they have to be kept at room temperature. Only fresh eggs are hard to peel, once they have aged, the shell comes off most easily. Then when we boil the eggs, we need to drop in a few drops of vinegar into the water to enable the red food dye to stick well. If the eggs and the boiling utensil are not oily, then there is no reason for patches to occur on the shells.
Now I have to remember to pass on these tips to my sister-in-law as her son already has a steady girl friend.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
(140) Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks
Another beautiful love story by Sparks.
I think of A Walk to Remember. My youngest daughter watched the movie then she read the book. The only thing the movie did not measure up to what the book portrayed, she said, was the dying girl in the movie had fat cheeks. Other than that, she loves both the movie as well as the book.
I ask myself, is it possible this side of heaven to have such a "perfect" encounter? Moralist would call it an affair. It is possibly one in a trillion chance for Adrienne to meet just Paul Flanner in the guest house. If such pairing is at all possible, it is unique and not repeated throughout history. If they were "fated" to meet like that, why did he die then? By this sort of combination of circumstances, it became a tear jerking fairy tale romance.
I have a few friends and neighbors who are divorcees, not by their own choices. Men seemed to lose nothing much by cheating on their wives and then divorcing them for younger models. Women who struggle to bring up a few teenagers rarely have the chance to be courted. For one, they have no time. Secondly, the care they put into their single parent family would do nothing to enhance their looks. Things may even be worse if they have to struggle to earn enough to bring up the children that the rich husbands just cast aside. At least in this part of the world, the rate of remarriage is extremely low if the divorce occurred after a woman is past thirty five.
It is indeed gratifying to find the fat sleek lawyer Jack being thrown aside by his second wife for another man. What did he expect from a woman who knowingly lured a married man into breaking his marriage? Perhaps it is the money! Maybe it was the experience and power Jack held at that age which men ten years younger did not possess. So we find that when he gained another ten kilo, she quickly went and caught herself another eligible man not so old or with more money. Amoral women like that usually look out for number one: themselves, certainly not the victim they preyed on.
I think of A Walk to Remember. My youngest daughter watched the movie then she read the book. The only thing the movie did not measure up to what the book portrayed, she said, was the dying girl in the movie had fat cheeks. Other than that, she loves both the movie as well as the book.
I ask myself, is it possible this side of heaven to have such a "perfect" encounter? Moralist would call it an affair. It is possibly one in a trillion chance for Adrienne to meet just Paul Flanner in the guest house. If such pairing is at all possible, it is unique and not repeated throughout history. If they were "fated" to meet like that, why did he die then? By this sort of combination of circumstances, it became a tear jerking fairy tale romance.
I have a few friends and neighbors who are divorcees, not by their own choices. Men seemed to lose nothing much by cheating on their wives and then divorcing them for younger models. Women who struggle to bring up a few teenagers rarely have the chance to be courted. For one, they have no time. Secondly, the care they put into their single parent family would do nothing to enhance their looks. Things may even be worse if they have to struggle to earn enough to bring up the children that the rich husbands just cast aside. At least in this part of the world, the rate of remarriage is extremely low if the divorce occurred after a woman is past thirty five.
It is indeed gratifying to find the fat sleek lawyer Jack being thrown aside by his second wife for another man. What did he expect from a woman who knowingly lured a married man into breaking his marriage? Perhaps it is the money! Maybe it was the experience and power Jack held at that age which men ten years younger did not possess. So we find that when he gained another ten kilo, she quickly went and caught herself another eligible man not so old or with more money. Amoral women like that usually look out for number one: themselves, certainly not the victim they preyed on.
(131) Paths of Glory by Jeffrey Archer
Reading this book reminded me of patterns in families. Like in the Kennedy clan, there were senators, president and diplomat. Then two brothers were shot. In the Hillary family line, there were mountain climbers.
I am glad that there is no fever in mountain climbing in my family. Not that we are wealthy enough to support endeavors like that. Even though Mallory was from a family with slim means, he married a wife with private income. Otherwise there was no way he could afford to have two stints (6 months each) of attempting to climb Mount Everest.
What the widow of Scott said was probably true, if she did not willingly convince her husband to go to the South Pole he would probably be miserable for the rest of his life. It is a good thing that there are few born explorers. Imagine lives filled with close shaves near death, with wives who were constantly in danger of becoming widows and children who stood much chances of being orphaned in the name of grand exploration.
I am glad that there is no fever in mountain climbing in my family. Not that we are wealthy enough to support endeavors like that. Even though Mallory was from a family with slim means, he married a wife with private income. Otherwise there was no way he could afford to have two stints (6 months each) of attempting to climb Mount Everest.
What the widow of Scott said was probably true, if she did not willingly convince her husband to go to the South Pole he would probably be miserable for the rest of his life. It is a good thing that there are few born explorers. Imagine lives filled with close shaves near death, with wives who were constantly in danger of becoming widows and children who stood much chances of being orphaned in the name of grand exploration.
(130) Human foibles
Among happily married woman, sometimes we shared and laughed about our husbands' idiosyncrasies.
Vera is married to a highly creative man. Among his many job experiences, we count church full time worker, economist, a job in some financial institution, school founder and he happened to be a professional clown too. There is one thing that he absolutely hated, that is to top up petrol when there is still some in the tank. Most of the time, he waited until there is almost no petrol left before he finally topped up. It is almost a matter of honor for him to each time put in an increasing amount of petrol.
One day the vehicle they were travelling in was going on a rural road with few petrol stations. As soon as the petrol gauge showed empty, Vera prayed urgently continually until the car glided into a tiny two pump petrol station with the tank almost bone dry. It is indeed God's mercy that the carload of six children between the ages of one month to eight years old were not stranded on the hot and dry road side in 40 degrees Centigrade while their heroic father walked to the nearest petrol station with a mineral water bottle.
My husband, on the other hand, hates to ask for help. He just drove our almost over heated car out to a super market to buy black oil. Personally, I would call a friend to ask if she has spare black oil from the last service or for a ride in her car. I suppose guys have their egos to consider. If there is no police road block and check point, he might just get away with it too. But, supposing if for whatever reason the road was jammed, he would have to cool his heels, walk home or sit by the road side for a few hours waiting for the engine to cool.
Vera is married to a highly creative man. Among his many job experiences, we count church full time worker, economist, a job in some financial institution, school founder and he happened to be a professional clown too. There is one thing that he absolutely hated, that is to top up petrol when there is still some in the tank. Most of the time, he waited until there is almost no petrol left before he finally topped up. It is almost a matter of honor for him to each time put in an increasing amount of petrol.
One day the vehicle they were travelling in was going on a rural road with few petrol stations. As soon as the petrol gauge showed empty, Vera prayed urgently continually until the car glided into a tiny two pump petrol station with the tank almost bone dry. It is indeed God's mercy that the carload of six children between the ages of one month to eight years old were not stranded on the hot and dry road side in 40 degrees Centigrade while their heroic father walked to the nearest petrol station with a mineral water bottle.
My husband, on the other hand, hates to ask for help. He just drove our almost over heated car out to a super market to buy black oil. Personally, I would call a friend to ask if she has spare black oil from the last service or for a ride in her car. I suppose guys have their egos to consider. If there is no police road block and check point, he might just get away with it too. But, supposing if for whatever reason the road was jammed, he would have to cool his heels, walk home or sit by the road side for a few hours waiting for the engine to cool.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
(128) Lightning damage
A friend bought a house owner's insurance which covers fire, flood and lightning damage to the house and electrical item outside the house.
In a storm, her automatic gate controller was struck. Her repair bill came up to four hundred over dollars. She called her insurance agent and found that she could file an application for claim. She took photos of how the gate could not open properly, the repairman opening up the box, and the burnt part in the box. Attaching a copy of the invoice, she sent in her claim for compensation.
Two weeks later, she heard that her claim was approved with a 10% deducted. Since it was troublesome to claim, she paid for a wooden box to be made to protect the controller. It remains to be seen if the added insulation would work.
For the contents in the house, one would need to buy a house-holder's insurance against burglary, flood and fire. If we desire to cover our television set, we need to pay extra for its protection. I have not even thought about such a clause, it seems easier to plug in the TV whenever I want to watch it. That way, no lightning could damage my TV.
In a storm, her automatic gate controller was struck. Her repair bill came up to four hundred over dollars. She called her insurance agent and found that she could file an application for claim. She took photos of how the gate could not open properly, the repairman opening up the box, and the burnt part in the box. Attaching a copy of the invoice, she sent in her claim for compensation.
Two weeks later, she heard that her claim was approved with a 10% deducted. Since it was troublesome to claim, she paid for a wooden box to be made to protect the controller. It remains to be seen if the added insulation would work.
For the contents in the house, one would need to buy a house-holder's insurance against burglary, flood and fire. If we desire to cover our television set, we need to pay extra for its protection. I have not even thought about such a clause, it seems easier to plug in the TV whenever I want to watch it. That way, no lightning could damage my TV.
(127) The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
It is rare to hear death talk about his job of gathering souls. Death was very busy in Germany during the Second World War. Since I was not enthusiastic about history and I have not seek out books to tell me more about Germany around that period, this book is an eye-opener.
I suppose it is futile to wonder why some people die during the war and others don't. The book thief's father, mother, brother, foster mother, foster father and best friend died earlier or in the bombing. Miraculously, she survived. Obviously the higher power dictated that she lived on to get married and have children.
Looking at statistics, one in seven adults in my country has diabetes. Similarly, one in seventeen adults here has cancer. Even for those who escaped these two diseases, they would die at some time due to some fatal ailment. One would sooner or later die, how would that came about seems immaterial. It is how we live, how we make use of the resources available to us that matters.
I suppose it is futile to wonder why some people die during the war and others don't. The book thief's father, mother, brother, foster mother, foster father and best friend died earlier or in the bombing. Miraculously, she survived. Obviously the higher power dictated that she lived on to get married and have children.
Looking at statistics, one in seven adults in my country has diabetes. Similarly, one in seventeen adults here has cancer. Even for those who escaped these two diseases, they would die at some time due to some fatal ailment. One would sooner or later die, how would that came about seems immaterial. It is how we live, how we make use of the resources available to us that matters.
Friday, November 23, 2012
(126) Length of life
My mother has two friends: an eighty year old man who did not want to go but died of cancer and an eighty-two year old woman who wanted to die but was saved from ruptured appendicitis.
Both these two people seemed to have robust health, one before the diagnose of terminal cancer and the other before the appendix ruptured. Neither lack money, they had substantial holdings in the bank. You may ask then, why the different out look in life?
The only difference I can see is the deceased viewed his life as meaningful as he was actively helping the poor in Thailand. The woman who survived viewed her life as meaningless because she herself thought she has finished the useful part of her long life. The sad part is that she might live on much longer as her own mother actually had a life-span of 105.
None of us can choose exactly how long we live unless we count suicide attempt. Whether a long or short life, I suppose we have to live it as best as we could. Indeed life could be more meaningful if we live to serve others in ways that we are limited to by circumstances.
Both these two people seemed to have robust health, one before the diagnose of terminal cancer and the other before the appendix ruptured. Neither lack money, they had substantial holdings in the bank. You may ask then, why the different out look in life?
The only difference I can see is the deceased viewed his life as meaningful as he was actively helping the poor in Thailand. The woman who survived viewed her life as meaningless because she herself thought she has finished the useful part of her long life. The sad part is that she might live on much longer as her own mother actually had a life-span of 105.
None of us can choose exactly how long we live unless we count suicide attempt. Whether a long or short life, I suppose we have to live it as best as we could. Indeed life could be more meaningful if we live to serve others in ways that we are limited to by circumstances.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
(123) Vietnamese Brides in Korea
The other day I watched TV with my niece and caught one documentary. My niece loves all programs Korean. She went to Korea on a package tour with her family and the following year went to another part of the country with her own savings.
In that program, we followed the lives of 8 Vietnamese young ladies who went to Korea to marry their husbands. Among the 8, I remember one supermarket cashier, 2 restaurant workers, one farm assistant and one or two homemakers. It was quoted that for the past few years, an average of 7,000 over Vietnamese single ladies went to be married to Korean men.
I can't help but wonder, if so many women left Vietnam to get married to foreigners, would that mean that Vietnamese men have to seek wives from Laos or Cambodia? Well, perhaps in a stable society in my country, I see more unmarried women than men, especially from age 35 to 50. Let us say that mutual friends match make, a few of them get married to farmers in outback Australia or some lonely bachelors in Calgary, Canada. Such social "tampering" would not change the demographics much here.
But imagine that in a Vietnamese village of 5000 population, we have 80 girls who chose to marry some far off Koreans; suddenly there is a shortage of marriageable age women. Would that mean that some men remain single longer? Or widows get good marriage offers? Or maybe some men might end up marrying women a few years older than them? Would it simply mean that single men have to court women a few villages away?
In that program, we followed the lives of 8 Vietnamese young ladies who went to Korea to marry their husbands. Among the 8, I remember one supermarket cashier, 2 restaurant workers, one farm assistant and one or two homemakers. It was quoted that for the past few years, an average of 7,000 over Vietnamese single ladies went to be married to Korean men.
I can't help but wonder, if so many women left Vietnam to get married to foreigners, would that mean that Vietnamese men have to seek wives from Laos or Cambodia? Well, perhaps in a stable society in my country, I see more unmarried women than men, especially from age 35 to 50. Let us say that mutual friends match make, a few of them get married to farmers in outback Australia or some lonely bachelors in Calgary, Canada. Such social "tampering" would not change the demographics much here.
But imagine that in a Vietnamese village of 5000 population, we have 80 girls who chose to marry some far off Koreans; suddenly there is a shortage of marriageable age women. Would that mean that some men remain single longer? Or widows get good marriage offers? Or maybe some men might end up marrying women a few years older than them? Would it simply mean that single men have to court women a few villages away?
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
(121) Death by Overdose
A few afternoons ago I caught a program in CNN by the Chief Medical Correspondent. Apparently every 19 minutes there is a death somewhere in the US by prescription drug overdose. This cause of death exceeded death by cancer. It is common for even a young and healthy man to take some pain medicine in excess of what the doctor prescribed and then take a few beers. He then went to sleep and breathing stopped.
Even though the drugs taken were legitimate, they were opiates in origin. When pain medicine was taken together with tranquilizer, drug interaction would double or triple the effect each drug has on slowing down breathing. What happened would then not be too different from heroine overdose. These people has no intention of killing themselves. They were just guilty of "stacking" drugs and maybe mixing drug with alcohol. For instance, they were used to taken two painkillers every four hourly to control back pain. Maybe when they were under stress, they also were used to taking one tranquilizer to go to sleep. Now supposing one evening they were in acute pain, they popped in four painkillers and then decided to take a tranquilizer to sleep early. Before the pills were swallowed, they had two beers before dinner. As they lie down, the cocktail were mixing in the blood stream. Respiration slowed. The heart pumped slower. Breathing became shallow. Gradually it stopped. It was painless. The person was either unconscious or asleep.
Looking back, I did notice that in most American households I visited about thirty years ago there were many bottles of drugs in each bathroom cabinet. The people who hosted me were generally healthy and vibrant. It therefore would not be too far fetch to believe that USA uses 80% of all prescription painkillers worldwide now.
Even though the drugs taken were legitimate, they were opiates in origin. When pain medicine was taken together with tranquilizer, drug interaction would double or triple the effect each drug has on slowing down breathing. What happened would then not be too different from heroine overdose. These people has no intention of killing themselves. They were just guilty of "stacking" drugs and maybe mixing drug with alcohol. For instance, they were used to taken two painkillers every four hourly to control back pain. Maybe when they were under stress, they also were used to taking one tranquilizer to go to sleep. Now supposing one evening they were in acute pain, they popped in four painkillers and then decided to take a tranquilizer to sleep early. Before the pills were swallowed, they had two beers before dinner. As they lie down, the cocktail were mixing in the blood stream. Respiration slowed. The heart pumped slower. Breathing became shallow. Gradually it stopped. It was painless. The person was either unconscious or asleep.
Looking back, I did notice that in most American households I visited about thirty years ago there were many bottles of drugs in each bathroom cabinet. The people who hosted me were generally healthy and vibrant. It therefore would not be too far fetch to believe that USA uses 80% of all prescription painkillers worldwide now.
(120) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
An abridged version of Jane Eyre was used as my literature text in Grade 8. Now that Elizabeth is collecting the classics using her pocket money, I read the original book for the first time.
I agree with Joyce Carol Oates, who wrote the introduction, that in having Jane marry Rochester is a triumph for the service class. Most novels written before that time championed marriage between people of the same class or with money. To be valued for brains, character, personality traits and not fortune ushered in a new era.
It is interesting that even in those days, orphans were brought up with education and not trade training. Yet for someone like Jane, without a teaching post or a governess placement, she was worse off than a lady's maid.
I agree with Joyce Carol Oates, who wrote the introduction, that in having Jane marry Rochester is a triumph for the service class. Most novels written before that time championed marriage between people of the same class or with money. To be valued for brains, character, personality traits and not fortune ushered in a new era.
It is interesting that even in those days, orphans were brought up with education and not trade training. Yet for someone like Jane, without a teaching post or a governess placement, she was worse off than a lady's maid.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
(119) Home sweet home
I am back to the land of 56% obese people by medical charts. Well! One glaring difference I can see is that there are too many fast food places here. In Danang and Hoy An, they have yet to have one McDonald!
A second difference is the mode of transportation, here we only see foreign workers cycling while in Danang those who could not afford motorcycle still bike around. Thirdly, people in the Danang-Hoy An area sleep early, by ten most houses are dark. Here, we see streams of vehicles running in the highways and the byways way past midnight.
Of course we could vote for the most livable place on earth, but could we really choose a better spot and be able to really move and settle there just like that? Perhaps when one is a billionaire? Quite a few of those rare breed moved to Singapore and jacked up their per-capita income. A friend of mine who have ties in the island nation said that such astronomical wealth did not add any benefits to the have nots in the streets of the island. The high exchange rate is the main reason that I have not visited Singapore for years even though it is the nearest foreign country to me.
A second difference is the mode of transportation, here we only see foreign workers cycling while in Danang those who could not afford motorcycle still bike around. Thirdly, people in the Danang-Hoy An area sleep early, by ten most houses are dark. Here, we see streams of vehicles running in the highways and the byways way past midnight.
Of course we could vote for the most livable place on earth, but could we really choose a better spot and be able to really move and settle there just like that? Perhaps when one is a billionaire? Quite a few of those rare breed moved to Singapore and jacked up their per-capita income. A friend of mine who have ties in the island nation said that such astronomical wealth did not add any benefits to the have nots in the streets of the island. The high exchange rate is the main reason that I have not visited Singapore for years even though it is the nearest foreign country to me.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
(117) Comparative sizes
I am currently in Danang, Vietnam. This is my first visit to this country. The first striking thing I noticed is the slimness of Vietnamese in general. When I visited Thailand in 2000, what I saw was the contrast between the thinness of women below 20s and the heaviness of older women. After a few visits, I realized the contrast was brought on by they way they added sugar to their regular diet. Once a woman gets married and have children, her slowed metabolic rate could not burn the excess sugar taken on a daily basis.
While I was petite as a foreign student in USA. Now I am grossly over weight in Vietnam. Interestingly I have only gained 15 pounds in the interim period. Girls my height here have impossibly small bone frames. According to our tour guide, Vietnamese were incredibly poor ten years ago. Most families could not even afford night lights. What they did make aplenty were babies. He came from a family of twelve children. Now the government only allowed two children per family. There is of course enough for everyone to eat in the country now as the country is opened to investors.
What I found difficult to believe is that couples who hardly had enough to eat ten or fifteen years ago could produce a baby each a year and most of them did grow up! What about malnutrition? Childhood illnesses? Childbirth complications?
While I was petite as a foreign student in USA. Now I am grossly over weight in Vietnam. Interestingly I have only gained 15 pounds in the interim period. Girls my height here have impossibly small bone frames. According to our tour guide, Vietnamese were incredibly poor ten years ago. Most families could not even afford night lights. What they did make aplenty were babies. He came from a family of twelve children. Now the government only allowed two children per family. There is of course enough for everyone to eat in the country now as the country is opened to investors.
What I found difficult to believe is that couples who hardly had enough to eat ten or fifteen years ago could produce a baby each a year and most of them did grow up! What about malnutrition? Childhood illnesses? Childbirth complications?
(116) Persimmon leaves for relieving gas
Just the other day my husband bought ten persimmons on behalf of an associate. Quite a few missionary on furloughs came for the meeting.
The persimmons were orange in color and they were crunchy. For our missionaries in remote desert area, faraway Pacific islands, and generally small villages with only helicopter transportation; they were a rare and delicious treat. Each persimmon costs 1 local dollar.
One of our missionary to an East Asian country said the if we collect, wash and dry the four pieces of leaves; they make excellent medicine for relieving stomach gas. All one needs to do is to boil let's say fifty leaves in water on a small fire for about an hour. The semi-cooled medicine should be drunk. If one dose could not cure the problem, the next day repeat the procedure with another bunch of persimmon leaves.
Folk medicine is very important for missionaries who live in the inaccessible places with hardly any medical service.
The persimmons were orange in color and they were crunchy. For our missionaries in remote desert area, faraway Pacific islands, and generally small villages with only helicopter transportation; they were a rare and delicious treat. Each persimmon costs 1 local dollar.
One of our missionary to an East Asian country said the if we collect, wash and dry the four pieces of leaves; they make excellent medicine for relieving stomach gas. All one needs to do is to boil let's say fifty leaves in water on a small fire for about an hour. The semi-cooled medicine should be drunk. If one dose could not cure the problem, the next day repeat the procedure with another bunch of persimmon leaves.
Folk medicine is very important for missionaries who live in the inaccessible places with hardly any medical service.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
(114) Set between two hard places
Right before the US election, one of my husband's friends switched all his unit trust investment to US shares. He fervently believed that Romney would win, and that would cause US share prices to go up. Sad to say, when votes were being counted and Obama gained enough majority, he quickly sold and switched to local shares. In these two switches, he lost money.
Well, we gain sometimes and we lose sometimes! But on a lighter note, it must have been hard for the man or woman in the street to choose between a man suspected to be Muslim and a Mormon. Talking about between the fire and the frying pan!
Well, we gain sometimes and we lose sometimes! But on a lighter note, it must have been hard for the man or woman in the street to choose between a man suspected to be Muslim and a Mormon. Talking about between the fire and the frying pan!
(113) An Interesting Lecture
I just came back from a public lecture by Christina Lagarde, the MD of IMF. This is the second time I went to our national institution equivalent to the US Federal Reserve.
She was articulate and very easy to understand. If English was her second language, she must be a fantastic speaker in her mother tongue. Throughout her lecture, I have been listening not only for content but for pronunciation(after all, I have taught English for many years). So far I only detected one "mistake", she pronounced "multi" differently from most news readers.
For my American readers, she said that your country would have to tend to your fiscal cliff and deficit ceiling soon. If not, the projected 2% growth in your nation could be cancelled by the inaction of policy makers. We all know that 0 growth would mean stagnation and that is not good for any country.
My own country fared a little better, but with a 53% of debt to GNP ratio; we are not exactly in the pink of health. Once any nation hit the "magic" number of 60%, things could go out of control and not respond easily to remedy.
She was articulate and very easy to understand. If English was her second language, she must be a fantastic speaker in her mother tongue. Throughout her lecture, I have been listening not only for content but for pronunciation(after all, I have taught English for many years). So far I only detected one "mistake", she pronounced "multi" differently from most news readers.
For my American readers, she said that your country would have to tend to your fiscal cliff and deficit ceiling soon. If not, the projected 2% growth in your nation could be cancelled by the inaction of policy makers. We all know that 0 growth would mean stagnation and that is not good for any country.
My own country fared a little better, but with a 53% of debt to GNP ratio; we are not exactly in the pink of health. Once any nation hit the "magic" number of 60%, things could go out of control and not respond easily to remedy.
(112) this book will save your life by a.m.homes
My niece bought this book as a teenager. I read it once many years ago. Until recently, I thought of it as a rather unusual book.
A week back, I decided to read it once more. This time, I have plenty of time for reflection. After all, the last of my chicks has flown away. I begin to see the purpose for Homes to write this book. Personally speaking, I am the exact opposite of Richard Novak. He had millions, I have a few hundreds in my bank account so the bank cannot charge me for service. Any extra I lavished on my children, I gave to missions. He lived in an expensive hill top house, I live in my tiny house in a cheap part of town. He chose to leave his wife and son, I hung onto my husband and children. He was totally independent, I am totally dependent on my husband now and I will be dependent on my children if I live longer than my husband.
Yet I see his dilemma: What is the point of gaining the world (much wealth) but losing your very soul?
A week back, I decided to read it once more. This time, I have plenty of time for reflection. After all, the last of my chicks has flown away. I begin to see the purpose for Homes to write this book. Personally speaking, I am the exact opposite of Richard Novak. He had millions, I have a few hundreds in my bank account so the bank cannot charge me for service. Any extra I lavished on my children, I gave to missions. He lived in an expensive hill top house, I live in my tiny house in a cheap part of town. He chose to leave his wife and son, I hung onto my husband and children. He was totally independent, I am totally dependent on my husband now and I will be dependent on my children if I live longer than my husband.
Yet I see his dilemma: What is the point of gaining the world (much wealth) but losing your very soul?
(111) Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
My daughter Elizabeth is going through a phase of reading the classics. Hence I benefit from the books she borrowed from the university library.
For a long time now, I have been rereading books like Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility and Emma. Jane Austen is one of my favorite authors. However, I have never had a chance of seeing even a copy of Northanger Abbey until this week.
My goodness, what if Henry Tilney was as bad as his father? It would be horrible to have Catherine Morland go back to her parents' home and stay there year after year as a spinster! Well, at this point you will probably think I am a hopeless romantic! In real life, I am more hard boiled than romantic. But I would like all the books I read to have happy endings. Same with movies! Life is already hard. Why look for more hard luck in fiction? If I were to pay for any book or movie, I want to be entertained. Even when I have the choice of what books to borrow, I would choose happy books if I could.
I am very glad that this is 2012, my daughters could choose to be single and earn decent livings.
For a long time now, I have been rereading books like Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility and Emma. Jane Austen is one of my favorite authors. However, I have never had a chance of seeing even a copy of Northanger Abbey until this week.
My goodness, what if Henry Tilney was as bad as his father? It would be horrible to have Catherine Morland go back to her parents' home and stay there year after year as a spinster! Well, at this point you will probably think I am a hopeless romantic! In real life, I am more hard boiled than romantic. But I would like all the books I read to have happy endings. Same with movies! Life is already hard. Why look for more hard luck in fiction? If I were to pay for any book or movie, I want to be entertained. Even when I have the choice of what books to borrow, I would choose happy books if I could.
I am very glad that this is 2012, my daughters could choose to be single and earn decent livings.
(108) Raping a foreigner
A day ago I heard on the radio that an Indonesian woman was raped by three local policeman in a Penang Police Station.
I was shocked! If the guardians of the Law were rapists, what chance do we have in this nation? The poor woman took a taxi in the morning, these fiends trailed the taxi and forced it to stop. The police hand-cuffed and intimidated the driver into submission. Later they released him and took the woman into "custody". Apparently when the taxi driver and the victim called a press conference with the help of an elected official, ten citizens came forward to confirm they witnessed the "kidnapping".
What were the three thinking when they decided to do the unthinkable? Did they really believe that they were above the Law? Did they really believe that the taxi driver and the witnesses were so afraid that they would keep quiet? If these eleven were to keep quiet, I suppose these policemen could go on and act like the Nazis with impunity!
This tragedy brought to mind what I witnessed in a nearby eatery. I went to an Indonesian shop to buy fried rice one morning at 11:30 am. As one waitress was packing my food, two policemen in plain clothes came in and arrested one worker with no work permit. The waitress serving me hurriedly took my money and departed. She ran upstairs to call the owner, who is another Indonesian woman. The owner came down and called the husband of the helper who was arrested. According to her, once the husband appeared and pay a fine which bore no receipt, the wife would be released. They dared not let her be in custody for too long in case she gets raped. At that time, I took the comment with a big pinch of salt. Now, I realized that the owner did not exaggerate at all!
I was shocked! If the guardians of the Law were rapists, what chance do we have in this nation? The poor woman took a taxi in the morning, these fiends trailed the taxi and forced it to stop. The police hand-cuffed and intimidated the driver into submission. Later they released him and took the woman into "custody". Apparently when the taxi driver and the victim called a press conference with the help of an elected official, ten citizens came forward to confirm they witnessed the "kidnapping".
What were the three thinking when they decided to do the unthinkable? Did they really believe that they were above the Law? Did they really believe that the taxi driver and the witnesses were so afraid that they would keep quiet? If these eleven were to keep quiet, I suppose these policemen could go on and act like the Nazis with impunity!
This tragedy brought to mind what I witnessed in a nearby eatery. I went to an Indonesian shop to buy fried rice one morning at 11:30 am. As one waitress was packing my food, two policemen in plain clothes came in and arrested one worker with no work permit. The waitress serving me hurriedly took my money and departed. She ran upstairs to call the owner, who is another Indonesian woman. The owner came down and called the husband of the helper who was arrested. According to her, once the husband appeared and pay a fine which bore no receipt, the wife would be released. They dared not let her be in custody for too long in case she gets raped. At that time, I took the comment with a big pinch of salt. Now, I realized that the owner did not exaggerate at all!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
(107) Being angry on another's behalf
I have a friend whom I was walking with through a rough patch in her life. Let us call her Patsy here. Just as Patsy was 90% recovered, she stopped attending church. I sat and collected reams of information, but none of the many things she mentioned really sounded like the last straw that broke the camel's back.
Until one evening she invited my husband and I to dinner, I was still wondering why she was no longer making any attempt to attend church. Sure, I know she was tired. Other times she was unwell. Yet there were weekends that she had to go back to the office. All these did not account for the fact that I have probably seen her once in three months in church.
She told my husband and I how her former pastor had a full blown affair with a leader's wife. When the secret blown open, the church split. Those who found forgiveness in their hearts stayed on. The Pastor repented. Patsy left with a horde of disillusioned folks, some stopped attending any church but Patsy went on to join another church.
Recently, her sister came back from a mission trip led by her Senior Pastor.(her sister attends a different church) S. Pastor's wife did not go, but her God daughter did. Throughout the journey, S. Pastor and the so called "God daughter" were blatantly flirting. Patsy's sister was so disgusted that she would not go to another such mission trip again.
The conversation went on to how Patsy wondered about whether her Pastor allowed personal dislike to dictate whether he supported (if Pastor says no, the church won't support) a young person to mission training. Patsy heard that her church did not come out with a single dollar when this young lady applied and attended a six month discovery program for mission. Interestingly, most of the cost was borne by her pre-Christian relatives.
Patsy recalled that prior to all these, she was in church and witnessed Pastor talking to a group of youth. Her Pastor was quite a joker, laughter followed him wherever he went. He has a funny habit of saying "You know? " in between ideas, pronounced the American way. Apparently the young lady in question imitated him and said "You know?" right after some thought and he said "I don't know!" rather emphatically showing his displeasure in no uncertain terms. I was not there, therefore I can't tell if this young girl was mirroring or ridiculing him at that instance. I suppose such a youth who dared to ridicule the Pastor deserve whatever he dished out as repercussion. But what if she was mirroring as a high form of admiration? Wouldn't this Pastor be reacting to something not intended as rudeness?
Well, no pastors are perfect. We are all forgiven sinners, those of us who are found in any church on Sundays. If we look for a perfect church, there is none on earth. Similarly we cannot find a single perfect pastor. We go to church because we believe in a Perfect God.
Until one evening she invited my husband and I to dinner, I was still wondering why she was no longer making any attempt to attend church. Sure, I know she was tired. Other times she was unwell. Yet there were weekends that she had to go back to the office. All these did not account for the fact that I have probably seen her once in three months in church.
She told my husband and I how her former pastor had a full blown affair with a leader's wife. When the secret blown open, the church split. Those who found forgiveness in their hearts stayed on. The Pastor repented. Patsy left with a horde of disillusioned folks, some stopped attending any church but Patsy went on to join another church.
Recently, her sister came back from a mission trip led by her Senior Pastor.(her sister attends a different church) S. Pastor's wife did not go, but her God daughter did. Throughout the journey, S. Pastor and the so called "God daughter" were blatantly flirting. Patsy's sister was so disgusted that she would not go to another such mission trip again.
The conversation went on to how Patsy wondered about whether her Pastor allowed personal dislike to dictate whether he supported (if Pastor says no, the church won't support) a young person to mission training. Patsy heard that her church did not come out with a single dollar when this young lady applied and attended a six month discovery program for mission. Interestingly, most of the cost was borne by her pre-Christian relatives.
Patsy recalled that prior to all these, she was in church and witnessed Pastor talking to a group of youth. Her Pastor was quite a joker, laughter followed him wherever he went. He has a funny habit of saying "You know? " in between ideas, pronounced the American way. Apparently the young lady in question imitated him and said "You know?" right after some thought and he said "I don't know!" rather emphatically showing his displeasure in no uncertain terms. I was not there, therefore I can't tell if this young girl was mirroring or ridiculing him at that instance. I suppose such a youth who dared to ridicule the Pastor deserve whatever he dished out as repercussion. But what if she was mirroring as a high form of admiration? Wouldn't this Pastor be reacting to something not intended as rudeness?
Well, no pastors are perfect. We are all forgiven sinners, those of us who are found in any church on Sundays. If we look for a perfect church, there is none on earth. Similarly we cannot find a single perfect pastor. We go to church because we believe in a Perfect God.
Friday, November 9, 2012
(106) Curfew
When my eldest left home to further his studies, I was more concerned that he made good friends in the capital. I did not give him any rules about when to return to his hostel. After all, he was so quiet and homey that he hardly went out throughout his teenage years.
When we located a mattress that was in fairly good shape that one friend of mine would like to give to Kenneth, his father found one friend who agreed to loan us his van for transporting the item to Ken's hostel. I remember calling him hourly from five pm to one am on a Friday night. He did not answer. The next day, we drove to his hostel armed with the phone number of his resident head just in case he was not there to let us into his room. He was there, sleeping after a late night. I was really more taken aback than upset that he was out "teh-tarik" until 2 am the previous night and he forgot to take his hand phone with him. (it is a local beverage of red tea+milk+sugar, hot but being poured from one container to another to add air bubbles to the mixture to make smooth the texture)
Now that my youngest is in university second year, I am still enforcing a curfew of 12 midnight (been doing that since she was 15). Well! She is totally different from her brother. If the week-end is made up of three days, she would be out three days in a row. Should she promise to return by X hour, nine times out of ten she would return at least fifteen minutes after the aforementioned hour. If she is Cinderella, she would stand much chance of being turned into a pumpkin if she return past the appointed hour. If we were to argue nature versus nurture, I suppose nature would account for the opposite temperaments. The kind of friends they attract would account for the disparage amount of activities between the two. Yet they came from the same set of parents.
When we located a mattress that was in fairly good shape that one friend of mine would like to give to Kenneth, his father found one friend who agreed to loan us his van for transporting the item to Ken's hostel. I remember calling him hourly from five pm to one am on a Friday night. He did not answer. The next day, we drove to his hostel armed with the phone number of his resident head just in case he was not there to let us into his room. He was there, sleeping after a late night. I was really more taken aback than upset that he was out "teh-tarik" until 2 am the previous night and he forgot to take his hand phone with him. (it is a local beverage of red tea+milk+sugar, hot but being poured from one container to another to add air bubbles to the mixture to make smooth the texture)
Now that my youngest is in university second year, I am still enforcing a curfew of 12 midnight (been doing that since she was 15). Well! She is totally different from her brother. If the week-end is made up of three days, she would be out three days in a row. Should she promise to return by X hour, nine times out of ten she would return at least fifteen minutes after the aforementioned hour. If she is Cinderella, she would stand much chance of being turned into a pumpkin if she return past the appointed hour. If we were to argue nature versus nurture, I suppose nature would account for the opposite temperaments. The kind of friends they attract would account for the disparage amount of activities between the two. Yet they came from the same set of parents.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
(105) Bullies became friends
Recently I read that a fourteen year old boy was beaten by two school mates(both male) to death in a bus stop. According to the columnist who commented on the tragedy, it was a case of bullying carried to excess. The deceased was the only son of his parents, he was being picked on because "he walked funny".
This piece of news brought to mind Kenneth's(my eldest son) brush with two bullies when they were nine years old. At that age, Kenneth was over weight and rather shy. He came home complaining that his two classmates took his water bottle and forced him to run after them while they threw the container one to the other. I am normally optimistic, while not agreeing to giving him extra money for drinks( thus dispensing with bringing plain drinking water); I did allow him to start using a disposable mineral bottle.
A week later, they did the same with an exercise book that Kenneth had to hand up after recess. While I still thought positively that they were trying to rouse Kenneth to play with them, I set about preparing goodies for him to bring to school. I baked some scrumptious short bread and packed extra, encouraging Kenneth to share with his friends, including those two playful boys who gave him a hard time. Kenneth returned with an empty food container and told me that one of those boys took some pieces of short bread but the other refused. Other classmates finished the lot.
The next day, I took the trouble to drive out of my way to buy a loaf of delicious banana bread. I cut a third of it into bite size and packed them attractively into two disposable containers. My instruction was for Kenneth to eat from one while offering the other to the friend who enjoyed the short cake. At the end of the day, Kenneth came back reporting that his friend took the small container and persuaded the other to try one piece. Quite a few of his classmates came over to help them finish the rest.
Thereafter, I would either prepare or buy some goodies or others at least once a week and let Kenneth take more than he needed to school. In this case, those two boys became his friends eventually. For it is difficult to have children partake treats from another and continue to be mean to him. Many years have passed, Kenneth found out from Facebook that the boy who ate his short bread will be a qualified medical doctor next year.
This piece of news brought to mind Kenneth's(my eldest son) brush with two bullies when they were nine years old. At that age, Kenneth was over weight and rather shy. He came home complaining that his two classmates took his water bottle and forced him to run after them while they threw the container one to the other. I am normally optimistic, while not agreeing to giving him extra money for drinks( thus dispensing with bringing plain drinking water); I did allow him to start using a disposable mineral bottle.
A week later, they did the same with an exercise book that Kenneth had to hand up after recess. While I still thought positively that they were trying to rouse Kenneth to play with them, I set about preparing goodies for him to bring to school. I baked some scrumptious short bread and packed extra, encouraging Kenneth to share with his friends, including those two playful boys who gave him a hard time. Kenneth returned with an empty food container and told me that one of those boys took some pieces of short bread but the other refused. Other classmates finished the lot.
The next day, I took the trouble to drive out of my way to buy a loaf of delicious banana bread. I cut a third of it into bite size and packed them attractively into two disposable containers. My instruction was for Kenneth to eat from one while offering the other to the friend who enjoyed the short cake. At the end of the day, Kenneth came back reporting that his friend took the small container and persuaded the other to try one piece. Quite a few of his classmates came over to help them finish the rest.
Thereafter, I would either prepare or buy some goodies or others at least once a week and let Kenneth take more than he needed to school. In this case, those two boys became his friends eventually. For it is difficult to have children partake treats from another and continue to be mean to him. Many years have passed, Kenneth found out from Facebook that the boy who ate his short bread will be a qualified medical doctor next year.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
(104) The Fourth Estate by Jeffrey Archer
This story reminded me a lot about Kane and Abel by the same author. While in Kane and Abel we have a hotelier bearing animosity against a banker. In The Fourth Estate we have two communications moguls fighting in business with each other.
True to form, this type of male aggression seemed to play out until the death of one party. In the "war" between Kane and Abel, only the banker's death ended the ill feelings. But in the territorial war between Armstrong and Townsend, it ended with Armstrong's suicide. Both were willing to gamble, to take great risk for tremendous gain.
The closest in life I have come to so far in life to this type of animosity is the disagreement between two Chinese men. One man was educated by the British and he was big on keeping his promise. He was also very adamant that any gentleman should not go back on his word. The other man was related to the first by marriage. The first man was poor while the second was rich. Under a certain set of circumstances, the rich man promised the poor man's wife something. But by the time the rich man realized what the promise implicated in terms of dollars and cents, he changed his mind.
The poor man held the rich man by the promise that came out of the latter's mouth. As long as the latter refused to keep to his verbal promise, the former refused to talk to nor acknowledge the former. This became difficult when there were family occasions, if A turned up, B would not be there. Whereas if B turned up, A would walk off. Now that the poor man passed away, the stand off ended.
True to form, this type of male aggression seemed to play out until the death of one party. In the "war" between Kane and Abel, only the banker's death ended the ill feelings. But in the territorial war between Armstrong and Townsend, it ended with Armstrong's suicide. Both were willing to gamble, to take great risk for tremendous gain.
The closest in life I have come to so far in life to this type of animosity is the disagreement between two Chinese men. One man was educated by the British and he was big on keeping his promise. He was also very adamant that any gentleman should not go back on his word. The other man was related to the first by marriage. The first man was poor while the second was rich. Under a certain set of circumstances, the rich man promised the poor man's wife something. But by the time the rich man realized what the promise implicated in terms of dollars and cents, he changed his mind.
The poor man held the rich man by the promise that came out of the latter's mouth. As long as the latter refused to keep to his verbal promise, the former refused to talk to nor acknowledge the former. This became difficult when there were family occasions, if A turned up, B would not be there. Whereas if B turned up, A would walk off. Now that the poor man passed away, the stand off ended.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
(103)The Careful Use of Compliments by Alexander McCall Smith
Although this is the first time I read about applied ethics and a Ph.D. holder who edited a magazine on Philosophy, it has been a rather pleasant experience!
When I moved to the part that Isabel admitted to her lover that she owned eleven million pounds of assets in America, my thoughts strayed to two women I have the privilege of knowing.
The first one inherited serious wealth when her father passed on. She was still in her mid-twenties, but she has always had her head screwed on right. Wealth did not change her much, she was still frugal and refused to touch even a cent of the interest her inheritance generated.
It became a matter of contention between her and the rest of her immediate family. If only she would loosen her tight grasp on the dough, say let ten percent of the interest be enjoyed by her husband and her four children; I dare say she would have a happier family life.
My second friend inherited millions in her fiftieth year. She has been well-to-do all along, being married to a husband who provides aplenty. Being generous with friends on food, my family and I have enjoyed her hospitality for many years. Those millions did not change her. It gives her a push to prove to herself capable at investing and generating more money. She is currently more focused than all the previous years I have known her.
Isabel is happier with her life that money enables her to lead compared to my two friends. My first friend is unhappy that for the last few years she could not add any of her earnings to her amassed wealth. My second friend has just begun to gauge her self-worth by the measure of the earning ratio of her investment. Wealth is a good servant, but a rather exacting master!!
When I moved to the part that Isabel admitted to her lover that she owned eleven million pounds of assets in America, my thoughts strayed to two women I have the privilege of knowing.
The first one inherited serious wealth when her father passed on. She was still in her mid-twenties, but she has always had her head screwed on right. Wealth did not change her much, she was still frugal and refused to touch even a cent of the interest her inheritance generated.
It became a matter of contention between her and the rest of her immediate family. If only she would loosen her tight grasp on the dough, say let ten percent of the interest be enjoyed by her husband and her four children; I dare say she would have a happier family life.
My second friend inherited millions in her fiftieth year. She has been well-to-do all along, being married to a husband who provides aplenty. Being generous with friends on food, my family and I have enjoyed her hospitality for many years. Those millions did not change her. It gives her a push to prove to herself capable at investing and generating more money. She is currently more focused than all the previous years I have known her.
Isabel is happier with her life that money enables her to lead compared to my two friends. My first friend is unhappy that for the last few years she could not add any of her earnings to her amassed wealth. My second friend has just begun to gauge her self-worth by the measure of the earning ratio of her investment. Wealth is a good servant, but a rather exacting master!!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
(102) East met West
My last blog, Feeding Station, seemed to have been received well. Let me continue, the gentleman who has been such a blessing to the needy in Penang went on to tour Thailand and he landed in a hostel for poor hill tribe children in Chiangrai state.
This orphanage or hostel was founded on faith, people and Christian organisations from many parts of the world donated funding to feed and educate the children of minorities who otherwise would not receive any education. Our friend met a Thai widow there and to cut a long story short, they were married and worked in this place where abandoned children find hope and future.
Well, the East is still the East while the West remains the West. I stepped into a rather volatile situation where the East and the West clashed. Since I am an Asian who speak English, I was asked by both sides to speak to the other. After listening to the long and short of it, I came to the conclusion that the Thais were expecting the white man to behave like a Thai since he has been there for quite a while (in their opinion). However, nobody could change his culture in such a short time (as far as I know). The white man obviously was behaving like a sincere crusader but no one appreciated that.
For a while I believed both parties were right in their own ways. Yet I know that if there was conflict both parties must be wrong too. After praying for wisdom and a persuasive tongue, I ventured to try to be a peace-maker. After assuring the hosts that they did have a right to set down some basic rules for the guests, I explained that once a Thai lady married a white man, she should step into his culture. That would most easily be accomplished when she follows her husband to his country. Therefore, the hostel should release her so that she could be with her husband in his own country (she was a staff member prior to marriage).
For the newly wed, I explained that they need to start anew. After all, she has not gone over to meet his family at that point. Why not take her over to Australia, let her stay long enough to get her permanent residency. After that, if they so feel called, they could always return to Thailand and start their own work in any way they see fit.
The day after I provided a solution and talked to both parties, I could sense relief and the very worked up people relaxing. My friend, the Thai lady, was really excited about her forthcoming trip to Australia. The hosts, which was made up of many families serving in the community, were most pleased about their white guest willing to leave for a few months. As my white friend worked out the finance side, his wife said that she would be more than willing to work in his home town at any jobs she could find. Hence everyone was focusing on how to help the couple make the trip. Conflict flew out of the window, truce was declared and the atmosphere really improved. They did leave for Australia in a few months' time and stayed on there.
This orphanage or hostel was founded on faith, people and Christian organisations from many parts of the world donated funding to feed and educate the children of minorities who otherwise would not receive any education. Our friend met a Thai widow there and to cut a long story short, they were married and worked in this place where abandoned children find hope and future.
Well, the East is still the East while the West remains the West. I stepped into a rather volatile situation where the East and the West clashed. Since I am an Asian who speak English, I was asked by both sides to speak to the other. After listening to the long and short of it, I came to the conclusion that the Thais were expecting the white man to behave like a Thai since he has been there for quite a while (in their opinion). However, nobody could change his culture in such a short time (as far as I know). The white man obviously was behaving like a sincere crusader but no one appreciated that.
For a while I believed both parties were right in their own ways. Yet I know that if there was conflict both parties must be wrong too. After praying for wisdom and a persuasive tongue, I ventured to try to be a peace-maker. After assuring the hosts that they did have a right to set down some basic rules for the guests, I explained that once a Thai lady married a white man, she should step into his culture. That would most easily be accomplished when she follows her husband to his country. Therefore, the hostel should release her so that she could be with her husband in his own country (she was a staff member prior to marriage).
For the newly wed, I explained that they need to start anew. After all, she has not gone over to meet his family at that point. Why not take her over to Australia, let her stay long enough to get her permanent residency. After that, if they so feel called, they could always return to Thailand and start their own work in any way they see fit.
The day after I provided a solution and talked to both parties, I could sense relief and the very worked up people relaxing. My friend, the Thai lady, was really excited about her forthcoming trip to Australia. The hosts, which was made up of many families serving in the community, were most pleased about their white guest willing to leave for a few months. As my white friend worked out the finance side, his wife said that she would be more than willing to work in his home town at any jobs she could find. Hence everyone was focusing on how to help the couple make the trip. Conflict flew out of the window, truce was declared and the atmosphere really improved. They did leave for Australia in a few months' time and stayed on there.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
(101) Feeding Station
During one of my train journeys up to Chiangmai, I met a man who was born in UK but grew up and worked in Australia. He went on a round the world back-packing tour and stayed in Penang for two years. Whenever his social visit visa expired, he would take a train journey to Bangkok. After a night or two, he would travel on the train back to Butterworth(the main land side). He spent his two years as an unpaid volunteer to feed the street people in Penang.
He considered his time well spent as his way of contributing to society. When I asked him if he had any difficulty entering and reentering that many times, he said none. After all, most of the immigration officials in my country are Muslim and they believe in good deeds to the poor. While they worked at jobs that feed their big families, they have no quarrel to pick with this foreigner who has his own means that enable him to do charity work in our fair land.
That was about ten years ago. I saw the feeding station he mentioned from my hotel window. I was surprised that it was still open and some people were still eating at 10:30 pm. Food prices are still going up but wages remained very low. With thousands of foreign workers flooding in to take most of the low level jobs, locals who work at menial jobs would be hard pressed to earn enough to feed, clothe and educate their children without any aid.
He considered his time well spent as his way of contributing to society. When I asked him if he had any difficulty entering and reentering that many times, he said none. After all, most of the immigration officials in my country are Muslim and they believe in good deeds to the poor. While they worked at jobs that feed their big families, they have no quarrel to pick with this foreigner who has his own means that enable him to do charity work in our fair land.
That was about ten years ago. I saw the feeding station he mentioned from my hotel window. I was surprised that it was still open and some people were still eating at 10:30 pm. Food prices are still going up but wages remained very low. With thousands of foreign workers flooding in to take most of the low level jobs, locals who work at menial jobs would be hard pressed to earn enough to feed, clothe and educate their children without any aid.
Friday, November 2, 2012
(99) Pearl of the Orient
Years ago, my husband bought into some time-sharing vacation club. As a result of trying to use up this year's room nights, we came to Penang quite unexpectedly. Paying for express bus ticket of $35 each, we were freed from driving. The journey lasted six hours with two stops.
It must have been ten years ago that we drove from Silver City to Batu Feringgi to meet up with my husband's Japanese host family. Twenty years ago my husband took part in a cultural exchange program which allowed him about three months in Japan. He met many wonderful people from that country.
While there are still many old buildings, the Heritage Building Society did a good job in getting some of them spruced up. Penang is famous for street food. We had some beef noodle and Char Kuey Teo(fried rice noodle with egg, cockes and prawns) from Ho Ping Restaurant on Penang street. We have some Chendul ice (an Indian dessert made up of green soft sticks, ice crystals and coconut extract in liquid and dark sugar) in another nearby eatery.
We took advantage of the CAT(Central Area Transit) Hop On which is free to get around the town area. The bus is air-conditioned and it runs in a circuit around 19 bus stops in the central business district. We saw a budget hotel that boasted of $99 providing two free breakfasts. If that means a private twin sharing room with attached bath, it is pretty good for Penang. We read that in the year 2011, there were 17,000 successful applicants of MM2H, a program that allows foreigner to have yearly visa to stay in this country. For this group of people who love my country, Penang is the top choice of residence. Apart from the choking traffic jams, this is a very nice place. I guess retirees do not need to rush any where, so even traffic jams do not affect them if they live away from town. Suppose if a British person draws pension in pounds, the exchange of let's say 5.5 would enable him to live very comfotably here.
It must have been ten years ago that we drove from Silver City to Batu Feringgi to meet up with my husband's Japanese host family. Twenty years ago my husband took part in a cultural exchange program which allowed him about three months in Japan. He met many wonderful people from that country.
While there are still many old buildings, the Heritage Building Society did a good job in getting some of them spruced up. Penang is famous for street food. We had some beef noodle and Char Kuey Teo(fried rice noodle with egg, cockes and prawns) from Ho Ping Restaurant on Penang street. We have some Chendul ice (an Indian dessert made up of green soft sticks, ice crystals and coconut extract in liquid and dark sugar) in another nearby eatery.
We took advantage of the CAT(Central Area Transit) Hop On which is free to get around the town area. The bus is air-conditioned and it runs in a circuit around 19 bus stops in the central business district. We saw a budget hotel that boasted of $99 providing two free breakfasts. If that means a private twin sharing room with attached bath, it is pretty good for Penang. We read that in the year 2011, there were 17,000 successful applicants of MM2H, a program that allows foreigner to have yearly visa to stay in this country. For this group of people who love my country, Penang is the top choice of residence. Apart from the choking traffic jams, this is a very nice place. I guess retirees do not need to rush any where, so even traffic jams do not affect them if they live away from town. Suppose if a British person draws pension in pounds, the exchange of let's say 5.5 would enable him to live very comfotably here.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
(98) different learning styles
Do you know what your learning style is?
Mine happened to be audio, that was why from day one I thrived in school. One of my brothers' learns best from ideas written as points linked to each other as spider webs. I know from the notes he puts into books for as long as I can remember. Now that method is being taught as mind mapping in seminars in leading hotels. Some of my wealthier friends spent hundreds to send each of their children for three days two night seminars teaching them what my brother has naturally learnt on his own.
One of my son's friends learns best from audio-visual means. He even could close his eyes and remember events as AV footage. Then I happened to have a dorm mate who lived in the room on top of mine. She walked night after night studying. She was a born dancer who was working hard to get into a law school. In order to register facts in her brain, she has to walk up and down her room while reciting the facts aloud to herself. I knew that well, as I lived in a building that was over a hundred years old and the flooring was made of wood. I could hear her steps if I did not get to sleep before her nightly study sessions began.
Elizabeth, my youngest daughter, studies best when she has her favorite music or songs on. A few of her friends have to turn on both the TV and the radio to do their homework. I find that difficult to believe. When I was in my senior year, my study carrel was in a corner in the basement where there was hardly any human traffic. Baby boomers may need absolute silence when generation X needs a healthy mix of white noise in order to concentrate.
The most amazing person in history who had overcome all obstacles to learn was Helen Keller. She was both blind and deaf. Her teacher used the sense of touch to reach her. I presumed she learnt Braille. Without the sense of hearing, she learnt to speak. Someone who heard her recording said she spoke like an automaton. Whatever she sounded like, she wrote beautifully.
Mine happened to be audio, that was why from day one I thrived in school. One of my brothers' learns best from ideas written as points linked to each other as spider webs. I know from the notes he puts into books for as long as I can remember. Now that method is being taught as mind mapping in seminars in leading hotels. Some of my wealthier friends spent hundreds to send each of their children for three days two night seminars teaching them what my brother has naturally learnt on his own.
One of my son's friends learns best from audio-visual means. He even could close his eyes and remember events as AV footage. Then I happened to have a dorm mate who lived in the room on top of mine. She walked night after night studying. She was a born dancer who was working hard to get into a law school. In order to register facts in her brain, she has to walk up and down her room while reciting the facts aloud to herself. I knew that well, as I lived in a building that was over a hundred years old and the flooring was made of wood. I could hear her steps if I did not get to sleep before her nightly study sessions began.
Elizabeth, my youngest daughter, studies best when she has her favorite music or songs on. A few of her friends have to turn on both the TV and the radio to do their homework. I find that difficult to believe. When I was in my senior year, my study carrel was in a corner in the basement where there was hardly any human traffic. Baby boomers may need absolute silence when generation X needs a healthy mix of white noise in order to concentrate.
The most amazing person in history who had overcome all obstacles to learn was Helen Keller. She was both blind and deaf. Her teacher used the sense of touch to reach her. I presumed she learnt Braille. Without the sense of hearing, she learnt to speak. Someone who heard her recording said she spoke like an automaton. Whatever she sounded like, she wrote beautifully.
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