(211) Build on Strength/ Upbringing 24

How do we know what a child is good in? Is this the strength that we should concentrate time and money in developing? It starts with really getting to know the child. One must be willing to spend time with the child, time playing, time working, time going to places, time staying at home, time making messes, time cleaning up, time disagreeing, time having fun together .... If one really spends lots of time with a child, both quality and otherwise, he or she will be able to observe the child and have insights.

 
From young, Keziah picked up jingoes from the television, radio and even from the ice-cream van easily. At age three, she first heard a piano being played in her nursery school. She didn't know that it was called a piano then. We next heard it while walking past a music school. She stopped and told me in no uncertain terms she wanted the black thing that 'sings'. Subsequently, she repeated her request whenever we passed the same music school.



 Now, many years later, I can see why she was attracted to a piano. God has given her a good ear for rhythm and beat. She picks up new melodies quite effortlessly. All these years, she refused to sit for exams. Her creative teacher managed to teach her pieces of music and songs without Keziah learning to read music notes. While she may never make music her career, she derives tremendous pleasure from playing contemporary songs.



Whenever other parents heard her play, they often asked who her teacher was. While the teacher was patient, dedicated and enjoyed the challenges of teaching Keziah, the former has yet to come across another student who could play as well as Keziah in her twelve years of teaching piano. No, Keziah is not a music prodigy. She may never win any music competition. She is just reasonably good at playing catchy tunes and bringing a song to life. But that was sufficient to boost her self confidence and to build a healthy self image.



After her high school, she became close to a youth group with a band. She is now learning to accompany singers at the key board. Whenever others take over the keyboard, she likes to be one of the back up singers. In this instance, her musical training enables her to participate in group activities and be one of the gang.



At this point, you may be wondering why I have included this piece in this blog! From most perspectives, most people view Keziah as an outstanding young lady. I have started work on her since she was two and a half years old. I remember when she came home in tears because a teacher reprimanded her for tearing pages out of her exercise book. Why did she do that? Because she made big mistakes not leaving lines as instructed or maybe not adhering to the proper margin.


I was there sitting with her through her anguish when her gang boycotted her after a physical fight. She had to analyse through why she was that angry... because her so called friend taunted and laughed at her over some idiosyncrasy she could not help ... Out of a few paths, she chose to apologise to the offended party. Thereafter she distanced herself from any girls who pick on her, but rather befriend those who see good traits in her. She begun at that point moving from group to group during break, before or after school. That was a conscious choice to click with no group and yet have a wide base of friends. That works for her, as it allows her to be herself. She would not be pressured to conform to any one group.


She was dyslexic, perhaps mildly so. She still could not associate a certain date with what week day it is, or whether it was in the past, in the present week or it is sometime in the future.  She needs to see the calendar, locate today, then only she could fix that date in her head. Since young I have drilled into her that God had made her different, not better and not worse, but all the same different for His purposes and Glory. And so she does not hide her handicaps, she has accepted herself just as God made her. She is comfortable with the way she is. If I had missed out on anything else, I know I have accomplished in her what God had intended me to do. It was not easy, but it was worthwhile. It is not because of me, but because God had enabled me through the years. If you need help in the same way, then turn to God and let him enable you. 

* coral polyp 1 from plaza.ufl.edu

(209) Praying for healing/ Prayers 12

For many years I had had joint problems. From struggling to stand, taking medication and food supplements, I improved over the years. Prayers helped. Certain anointed individuals could make a lot of difference by the laying on of hands and praying.

There is this lady pastor from United Kingdom. She was the keynote speaker of a healing camp in a northern country which I attended. In her camp I went out three times to accept healing. After the camp she sat down and taught me word by word how to pray for my knees. She emphasized that as soon as I feel discomfort, I should immediately lay hand and pray for myself. I asked her how often should I pray, she said as often as I want or need to. Should there be pain, I should pray, walk on and pray. If the pain remains, then sit down and pray again.

This is the prayer she said all believers can pray, "In Jesus' name I release God's creative miracle over my --------. In Jesus' name, ---------- , be healed and be whole." while placing a hand on the afffected area.

* flower from digital-photography-school.com

(208) God who comes to us/ Prayers 11

When I was in High School, all the born-again Christians in my class call themselves Christ' Ambassadors.  Every Friday they meet after school. In between the meetings they would talk to us about their God. I came from a Taoist background. What they said sounded like Greek, it was very confusing. What I really dislike was that they would condemn others' religious beliefs.


 There was one meeting that I attended which was held under a big tree in the field. (This is now more than thirty years later.) I had forgotten all about it until my best friend reminded me about it. Apparently during that meeting we went round the circle stating what we would like to become if we were given a wish. According to my buddy with an elephant's memory, I told them I wanted to be a space craft traveling in deep space. My choice was very different from everyone else' movie stars, athletes, millionaires, political figures...


Looking back, I must have been a thorn in these Christians' side. I would use my wit and debating skills to argue with them. I could easily take on two and win the argument. When we graduated from High School, different students went different ways. One of my fervent Christian friends started to pray every morning for me and others. She shared that she would wake up at five in the morning to petition to God. It seems that I was on her list of people for God to reveal himself to that she diligently prayed over every Tuesday.


As she was praying, I was abroad. Many things happened. It suffice to say in this story that I met my faithful friend's God in the home of an Apollo astronaut who actually walked on the moon. This goes to show how much this personal God loves me that he used circumstances to bring me to the one person who talked about his Lord that I will accept and believe.

* animal1079.gif from help.com

(206) Sense of self worth / L. Difficulties 9

In a farming community, growing children are assets to the family enterprise. They work in producing crops and they tend animals before and after school hours. Now, children in the city are consumers. They do not work, as we forbid child labour. Neither are they expected to do any household chore, as mothers and maids do that.


Sad to say, this leads to an identity crisis. Teenagers in particular do not see themselves as productive members in their respective families. Extra time and excess energy may be channeled into harmful activities. I may not be able to cite chapter and verse for this view from any reference text. Since I heard about this from a youth counselor in a workshop I have given it much thought. Generally I found it to be true among friends and neighbours.


After learning about this disadvantage of bringing up children in the city, I try very hard to include my children in all my activities. When I home tutor a special child, I rope in the child that is close in age to learn together with my student. Should that not be possible, I select one who is good in that particular subject to assist me whenever I run out of ways to reach the child. One thing I learn is that children have very original approach. They explain things in the least number of simple words. In other words, whenever I am stuck, they can usually find some easy way to get things across to the target child.


When I plan and write out a curriculum, my children serve as typists and editorial assistants. Should I decide to send out newsletters for fund raising purposes, they fold letters, stuff envelopes,    write addresses, and stick stamps. For those recipients with e-mail address, one child will update the list if necessary and the other will handle electronic mass mailing. When we run holiday camps for orphans or under privilege children in foreign countries, my children function as assistant camp teachers.


Through all these various projects, they acquire new skills, find out their strengths and learn to see themselves as useful contributors to economic, social and spiritual enterprises. 


* coral-cavernous-star from beadsbymail.com

(205) Angels / Learning difficulties 8

There was Betty, swinging her long pig tail, telling me that everything was fine. She was her usual perky self, cheerful, bouncy, and full of the Irish wit she inherited from her mum. There she was, assuring me that anytime I needed help, she would be there for me.


Betty was a senior while I was in my freshman year. Why she would deign to notice a quiet and needy foreign student, I still do not know.  It must be her deep seated kindness and willingness to care for the underdog. That day I broke the test-tube and dropped concentrated acid on the work bench, it was Betty who came to my rescue.  She deftly picked up the glass pieces and threw paper napkins to absorb the few drops of spill.  She encouraged me by saying that were I not part of the class, she had nothing to look forward to on Wednesdays.  It was having me around that liven things up. Otherwise it was such a drag that she did not want to get up at all. 


I was such a clumsy person, I dropped things, I kept things that were supposed to be thrown but threw things I would need for the next part of the experiment. Whatever genuine mistakes you could possibly conceive  of, I probably had made them before. Without a doubt, I was possibly the only student who would need five hours of intense effort to complete a routine experiment others breezed through in three hours. My professor, Dr. Carol, was patience itself. When others finished, she would ask how much more time I would require. Then accordingly she would come back to see what my result was like and give instruction to the lab assistant to lock up when I was done. Yet she told me that should I choose to, I would do well in Chemistry. I would make a reasonably good chemist and yes, possibly I could get a teaching assistant  position to finance my Masters degree.

* bonaire-flower-coral from funscubadiver.com

The next thing I remembered about Betty was seeing her in her dream dress. She came back to college for her wedding rehearsal. She looked like a fairy princess in her froth and lace.  I was not able to attend her wedding, that summer I flew home. A friend from the Chemistry class mailed me a write-up of the event with a lovely picture of the newly weds.

*** If you are a believing parent, pray that the paths of your learning disabled child is dotted with angels like Betty.

(204)Inability to associate object with function/ LD 7

Learning Disability

One night, I was teaching my youngest child and her friend how to write compositions for the Final Exam. Instead of deleting unwanted sentences, both of them were taught to erase the pencil written words. The eraser changed hand repeatedly. One eraser fell and rolled away. Another was dropped into my small basket of odds and ends.

Christine, my youngest, was neat and meticulous. Her friend, Vivien, was untidy and easy going. As Christine was reading her concluding paragraph, I was listening with half an ear. My eyes were on Vivien. I saw her pick up something from my basket. Then she was rubbing away and making a funny squeaky sound. Before she could complain the eraser was not working, I already stepped over and grabbed the object. It was part of a key chain, it said "I love Hawaii". All of us had a good laugh! How could a hard piece of plastic function as an eraser!


The next time I met Vivien's mum, I told her the above episode. She was not surprise. According to her, Vivien would mistake a rusted old blade for a piece of wood. None of her other siblings who were younger than her have this problem.


Relating all these information to another mum who is a medical Doctor, Dr. Lee promptly answered that it is a learning disability.

* sea-animals 4260.jpg from hickerphoto.com

(203) The House of Promise/Prayers 9

When I almost lost my mobility, I was devastated emotionally. Since the age of seven, I have been searching deliberately for about fifteen years for the true God of the universe. After finding him, I sincerely followed him to the best of my ability. Then I found myself a few short steps away from a wheelchair.

Being a practical person, I spent less time wondering "Why me?". After all, Joni was younger than I when her head hit the hidden rock and she became a quadriplegic. I read Psalms often and cried.

I prayed and fasted for guidance.My prayer went like this: " If I were to be eventually wheel chair bound, then please let me buy a one floor abode in which every room is wheel chair accessible. But if God sees it fit that I will be able to walk until the very day he takes me  home, then let me purchase a double-storey house."

The very first house I offered for was a double-storey house. I heard from a friend that he was moving out and the owners considered selling. After a silent prayer, I called the owners and offered a  figure I picked from empty air. Two weeks later, we made an appointment to sign the sale and purchase agreement.

From that time, I have gone on with an unshakable faith that come what may, I would be able to walk right up to my very last day on earth.

* flower 022.gif from myspace.com

(202) Call/ Prayers 8

Joseph had been meeting YWAM (Youth with a mission) teams in the orphanage he visited almost yearly since he was fifteen.

Each time he listened to their personal stories as to how they came to be part of their team. Someone would encourage Joseph to consider joining YWAM and give six months to God.Without fail, the question of expense came up. The response usually was laughter. According to these YWAMers of different ages, background and countries, not one of them had sufficient funds when they applied. Somehow, between application and the actual date of starting DTS (Discipleship Training School), money came.

For Joseph, he did consider the option for a few years. However, he did nothing until his family friend who was a missionary pledged a certain amount towards the fee that he actually applied.With the minimum amount required in mind, he started living frugally and started saving. The result was surprising to say the least. By the time it was one week to departure date, he had received more than half the required amount as gifts. The interesting part of the only explanation one can give would be that the second half of the six month period would be devoted to community service. Kind   people of all faiths believe in good work. 

It was in the DTS that Joseph heard God's call and became convicted that he will be  a missionary responding to specific calls to different parts of the world. He is currently qualifying himself for professional entry into most countries.

 * rose1 from digitalphotoartistry.com                                                                                                       

(185) Yes, Mum/ Upbringing 21

Most mothers have their pet theories on bringing up children. Margy has quite an interesting view on bringing up sons. When she shared it with me, her son was still very young. I honestly thought she is rather ahead in the game.


Based on what she observed in her lady boss, she thought it is not good in the long run for any son to be too obedient and agreeable to his mum. You see, her boss has this son who was intelligent, self-motivated, obedient and generally the all star son any mum would dream  of. This young man won a scholarship to a premier University in UK. As soon as he qualified as a doctor, he married a local girl. As he was agreeable to his mum up to his wedding day, his wife took first place in his life after they were wed. Margy said that there after he seldom visits or calls his family.


Being aware of this, Margy actually aims to bring up her son to have his own ideas and be able withstand objections from others. She figures that she would like him to decide what he wants to do rather than to listen to either his mum or his wife.

*flower 083.gif from universalscraps.com

(183) A lovely lady/ Pain 11

I just came back from the local post office. My youngest drove me there, it was a privilege to be driven after years of acting as the taxi driver of the family. While I waited in queue to complete my errand, my child went grocery shopping. After my transaction, I fell in conversation with an attractive person sitting next to me.

It may sound strange to you, but it is not unusual for me to talk to a stranger and found out within minutes what matter most to them at that split second. In this case I am glad to be able to say a few things to comfort, right a lopsided perspective and encourage the person concerned. Chances are, I may never meet the person again, nor is there any need to.

We shall call her Choon Ying, meaning cherry blossom in spring. She has lovely features, is slim built and has a certain intense look about her. If I may guess, she could be a medical doctor or a research scientist. I know for sure that her husband is in IT, as she answered my query about him. While waiting for my turn at the service counter, I heard him talking to the counter staff and his wife. It was just a sentence here and a few words there, yet it reminded me strongly of one of my favourite students many years ago. No, he wasn't my student, he is too young. At thirty one, he was only in the second year of high school when I taught my last class which happened to be a Computer Science and Mathematics combination in a local college.

As the sharing unfolds, I found that she was on her first trip to my home country to meet her in-laws. Both she and her husband have permanent jobs in say, Sweden. Her husband relocated specially to court and marry her in Europe. Sad to say, not all of her husband's nearest and dearest were polite and kind to her, a new addition to that sprawling extended  family. As she told me that she did all she could possibly to be friends with everyone in her husband's family, her eyes were filled with tears. Quickly she blinked them away. Call it a divine appointment, I was able to explain to her why my country women could be so short-sighted and rude to a foreigner. There is no excuse, really, but the world is made up of all kinds of people.

I suppose I am predisposed to liking Choon Ying's country, as my uncle resides there. Since he came a number of times to visit us and I went to pay him a long visit once, I am intrigued  by that country. It is not so for some people in my country, for the newspaper gives a very bad press to that particular country - namely con-men and social escorts that originate from there. If by now, you can identify the above incident, you must have been present at the post office over hearing our conversation or you are a friend of Choon Ying or her husband. If you are my compatriot, please do what you can to right this wrong. We live in an increasingly international world, we call it a global village. There is no room for xenophobia. And I sure hope that the next time Choon Ying visits my country, it will be under more pleasant circumstances and she will meet more pleasant folks.

(166) forgiveness/ Pain 6

After being married for more than a quarter century, I neither encourage nor discourage another to enter the married state. If we are wise in choosing our spouse, it still takes much effort to make the marriage work. In some cases it takes a conscious decision to stay married.

What one person cites for divorce, another can forgive and go on. I remember a woman who brought up a pair of her husband's love children along with her only son. She had such a serene demeanour and a pair of sad eyes. Alas, she died fairly young, in her early fifties. Shortly after that, her husband followed.

Quite a number of my graduate teacher friends divorced non-contributing husbands. Yet I see my blue collar neighbour brought up two sons  in spite of the fact that her husband incurred in gambling debts periodically. The gambler is in his sixties while the capable and forgiving woman is in her fifties. They are still married.

Well, all these make up our colourful and interesting world.

*fullres2.jpg from ratemyscreensaver.com

(161) Pain

Last week I met up with two friends. One seemed to be in shock and the other was in deep pain.

The former has a house that a lot of women would kill for. Her husband is a multi-millionaire. Her three girls are all abroad. Over the years, we  as friends saw her continually adjusting to her husband's financial success. It had not been easy.

The latter is a recent divorcee. Her child is with her ex-husband. She relocated to another city and for all intent and purpose, is making a good living with a new job. Most of the time, she seems to be making progress. Until she meets her child, that is. Then the cycle of  pain and a deep sense of failure would descend. And she talks of death, yet again.

Of course there are many happily married couples. But I must say that if a young girl were to look at my two friends, she would probably decide to stay single.

* diamond-flower-small.jpg from veerle-v2.duoh.com

(160) Common sense/ upbringing 20

Have you come across folks who could use a spoon to take condense milk for a drink, then dip the same spoon into the Milo bottle? If you are manning a pantry, you would notice the shelf life of both the Milo and the condensed milk would be rather short.


Ever wonder if such a person were brought up by a string of maids or nannies who did everything for them? It is funny that things are often not what you or I imagine them to be! I have a friend called Mina. She has never hired a maid in her entire married life. As she works from home, she looks after her own children. While her daughter was in charged of washing dishes, they placed the trash can on the ground next to the sink. Generally the kitchen, sink, dishes and other pieces of furniture are clean. But, If you bend down and look closely at the wall above the trash can, you would notice the many blobs of different colour fluid all dried up. I could not imagine how the dirt got there. So after one meal I stayed behind to watch the washing up.


Child number two brought in stacks of dishes. Child number three wiped down the table surface with soap, also the stove. Our beautiful and experienced dish washer simply threw whatever, solid or liquid, into the trash can. She did not bend down, neither did she really take a good aim. Whether the left over hit the floor, the trash can or the wall, she hardly noticed. Of course the dish washing occurred at a terrific pace. Right after she finished, child number two came with a mop and pushed it around systematically ending at the door to the wet kitchen. Mom came in and ordered a second round of mopping because the floor was still sticky. Of course the floor became sticky, our speed champion dish washer dropped many blobs of oily and sticky sauces near the sink. In came the mop and distributed the same all over the kitchen floor. But because mom ordered a second round of cleaning, child number three cleverly added a few drops of dish detergent into the pail of clean water. After a mop traveling at top speed, the kitchen is pronounced clean.


This is many years later. Our beautiful dish washer is of marriageable age. I wonder if she will run her future kitchen the same way?

Note added in 2012, she is recently married. What wouldn't I give to contrive a visit to her marital kitchen! Sad to say, it is easier said than done!

Note 2 in 2020 she now owns a music college. She is the happy mother of an infant girl. Her dad recently passed on.



 13953.JPG from widget.bigoo.ws

(159) Mother n daughter/ Upbringing 19

Mother and daughter


At some point I read somewhere that my relationship with my mother would inevitably be reflected in my relationship with my daughter. Since my mum is my best friend and I get along really well with my youngest who is a girl, perhaps we should look outward for a case study.


Fiona was terrified of her mother during her childhood and teenage years. Her husband started courting her young and they faced much opposition as a couple right up to their wedding day. When she really sat down to analyse her own feelings, she realized she actually got into marriage to escape from her domineering mother. It is just as well that her husband really is her Mr Right. She had had a lot of difficulties with her elder girl, starting way before the daughter's teens. Some how they could not see things the same way. Arguments, silences soon escalated to quarrels. Finally Fiona's husband had to step in and moderate things. Of course both parties are in the wrong. On Fiona's part, she expected too much and got disappointed too easily. Fiona's daughter had bad attitudes and did not give her mother any chance to make amends. Things began to improve when the family decided to let the young lady go to college out of her home state. By the time the daughter graduated and started working in the new city, Fiona started visiting her own mother more often. It is amazing to see this: as Fiona lets go of her own daughter and give her independence, Fiona could begin to care for her own mother who was then recently widowed. All in all, both mother-daughter and mother-grand mother relationship improve simultaneously.

* 272571.jpg from www.desicomments.com

(158) Favoritism/ Upbringing 18

It is often difficult for parents to love each child equally, especially if  there are many children and each of them being extremely different from each other. Let me tell you the story of Mandy.


Mandy has two sisters and three brothers. Her mum owns an accounting firm. Her dad is successful in the field of advertising. Being the eldest, she is expected to be responsible for her younger siblings. Since she is tall and big boned like her dad, I doubt she would look cute to anyone, least of all to her mum. Yet if one takes the time to observe, there are sterling qualities in this girl. She is quiet and dependable. She is by nature a loyal little soul. She may not be quick witted like the rest of her brothers, her persistence usually gets her to the desired destination in the end. She is thrifty and undemanding. She is a good listener and has good will towards everyone around her. I actually like her the most out of the entire brood.


However, when I visited the family many years ago, she was withdrawn, discouraged and pessimistic. Her father was quietly fond of her but he would not defend her. Mum was quite unfair as she preferred sons over daughters. Among the daughters mum favoured the prettiest one who is the youngest. Before I left I made arrangement for Mandy to visit me the next vacation.


My children took to Mandy at once. It is difficult not to like her. We went to movies, ice-skating, visit libraries and we shopped for books. As she grew to trust me, she told me some of her woes. Since the age of five or six, her mum expected her to care for the younger ones. Sad to say, even when the youngest reached six years old, she was still being treated like a princess. After Mandy's parents brought in part-time maids, her siblings still ordered her around like she was a slave.  She blossomed with the attention I gave her and became quite chatty. Her worries, her grievance and whatever negative in her burdened little heart came out. One by one I dealt with issues that was practically eating her up. On the point of her mum not loving her, I had to go back into her mum's childhood. Grandma relied on mum but preferred pretty aunt number three. Why dad never defended her? Because mum is a headstrong woman. Interference would cause big fights. Why mum hoarded money and cheated dad? Oh, poor mum grew up in extreme poverty and is reacting like a squirrel who store up nuts for the family...


At the end of the holidays she went home with a different outlook in life. As long as her parents educate, feed, clothe and provide for her, they are doing their duties. If it is expected that she work extra around the house, she is receiving good training for the future. A little work never kill anyone. Hard luck for her pampered siblings, they will have to learn whatever they need to learn as grown ups. Should her chores take too much time until she could not complete her home work, she should gently explain to her mum in front of her dad. At any time, never spy on mum and report to dad, a divorce would only be detrimental to her and her siblings. Keeping in mind what her mum did was wrong, when she grows up and gets married, make sure she models after a woman with integrity.


Ten years passed, Mandy finished her education, found a good job and has a nice young man courting her. I am not surprised and am actually very pleased. That was what I expected all along.

 * flowers.jpg from myspace.com

(157) Fool's tail/ Upbringing 17

When Heidi was in nursery, there was a little boy in the next class who caught my  eye. He was taller than the rest of his classmates. He was fair skin and good-looking. More than that, his mom kept a little pig tail at the nape of his neck. From the chit-chat among mothers, I gathered that his dad is a doctor and this brainy boy easily led the classes.


By the time Heidi was in Year Four, I only met one of the nursery moms occasionally in front of her school. This lady has a son one year older than Heidi who attended the same school as the boy I mentioned earlier. One day she told me that boy's parents were having a tough time being called to school quite frequently over disciplinary matters. I was very surprised, it was exactly the opposite of what I expected to hear.


Perhaps it was our comments that remained in my head which led me to read about the topic of this article. Weekly I would go to the Town Council Library to borrow books for my children. One particular morning I had an extra half an hour. I took all the books I had chosen up to the adult section and flipped through a few hard covered and well illustrated books. One of them featured medieval history, it was after a chapter on the torture equipment used in the Spanish Inquisition that showed a few secret groups. According to this book men in those day might choose to enter those organisations. Usually it involved a secret way of handshake, perhaps taking a blood oath on secrecy and even a particular hairstyle. The example given was an overall men's hair cut but a tiny bunch of hair was kept long at the nape of the neck, which may or may not be pleated. This fool's tail showed allegiance to Satan. Unknowingly the poor boy's parents gave consent to the evil one to adversely influence their boy.

(155) You Changed My Life - Max Lucado

This is a gift book that is made up of 8 sections: love, kindness, commitment, compassion, hope, courage, wisdom and friendship. Max took the stories from his many books. They are real incidences, I believe. I cried while reading "Love Makes a difference" in the first section.

The book inspired me. I asked myself if I could do what these wonderful characters did, many times I had to admit I can't. While I love to read stories like that, I do feel rather rotten that I can't measure up. To me, it is a perfect book to present to anyone on his or her birthdays. I find that I couldn't put it down. I read everything in one sitting. Within the next day, I picked and chose to reread many of the stories. If everyone on earth read this book and aspired to emulate it, our world would definitely become a much better place.

I would recommend this book highly to everyone from seven to ninety-seven.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

(153) Niche/ upbringing 16

Niche

Is there ever a useless, hopeless person? I remember this young woman: she was attractive and her life revolved around parties. She barely could keep up her grades to graduate. Even the career guidance counselor shook her head at this person's job prospect.



Surprise! Came graduation and off she hopped to the nation's capital. Most of the students and faculty expected her to get an admin post and catch an eligible husband. She was charming and fun to be with. Within a short time she was hired as a party organiser with an events planning outfit. She was popular, successful, having a good time and was highly paid as well.



I strongly believe that every single person has a wonderful plan all mapped out even before he or she is born. The parents' job is to help find that niche for each child. Should that child be creative and dreamy, do not force him or her into engineering. For round pegs do not fit into square holes. It would be disastrous for parents to force every single child to become doctors just because they could afford the expensive education and the children could qualify.



Not all of our children will become doctors, lawyers, accountants, dentists, and engineers. Who would teach our grandchildren? Who would nurse us when we grow old and sick? Who would drive our buses and trains? Who would bake our fresh and tasty bread?


* flowers.jpg from augengallery.com

(152)Tips on training a headstrong child/ Upbringing 15

Quite a number of mothers, teachers and friends have asked me what makes my daughter who she is. Well, this is what I can think of:


1. I spent all my vacations during my undergraduate years in different American homes. While I don't agree with all their philosophies in parenting, I admire very much how children are given their voice and room to explore. That's precisely what I did in giving my daughter a chance to express her opinion in matters big and small as well as an opportunity to try (even if I could foresee failure).


2. She had had problems with a kindergarten teacher in K2. I secretly observed 2 classes and came to the conclusion that sending her to a Chinese school would be detrimental to her. From that day on I drilled her on respect for all teachers, not just the good and dedicated ones. I explained how we should respect the position, not the person. When one is in customer service, customers are always right. Likewise, when one is a student, teachers are always right (maybe except when the teachers break laws or rules or endanger students). On my part, I hold my tongue. As a rule, I always seek to advance a teacher's good qualities and points of view that are correct.


3. In dealing with both students and teachers, I guide her to look for good qualities. After all, nobody is perfect! As long as the bad points are minor, we take and accept the person as he or she is. Then I systematically trained her in judging potential candidates for the delegation of duties. By trial and error, step by step, I talked her through (a) to persuade the person to accept the responsibility (b) walk the person through his or her duties (c) oversee the carrying out of duties (d) troubleshoot should problems arise (e) encourage the person (f) back the person up should there be sticky situations (g) bear the blame, as the buck stops at the leader's desk.


4. In situations that she dreads in the process of carrying out her responsibilities, we work out and practice the different possible outcomes. For each scenario, we develop different responses that are appropriate. It is something like the Harvard Business School system of case study.


* blue flower.jpg from stanford.edu

(151)Appreciation/ upbringing 14

Six weeks ago, Michael joined a few friends for a day visit to our hometown. As soon as they reached the food centre, Michael saw his old teacher, Jaclyn and her husband.


The moment the car stopped, he sprinted towards them and greeted them. Since Michael had left our hometown for two and a half years, they had lots of catching up to do.


A month or so later, Michael’s father and I revisited our old neighbourhood. Jaclyn was relating to me how fond she was of my son and how he had not forgotten her after all these years. She taught Michael when he was ten until thirteen years old.

It is indeed very nice to see gratitude in our old students. Of course we try our best in our individual vocation. Still, it is a wonderful feeling to have when our labour of love is appreciated.


* sun flower1.jpg from desicomments.co

(150)Courage vs Fear/ upbringing 13

Many years ago, I was house sitting in USA for a dear friend. It was a ranch-style mansion set in a two acre plot of land at the top of a canyon.

My job was simple:
1. feed the cat
2. turn on the sprinkler for half an hour morning and evening
3. feed the wild does and fawns
4. let the Mexican maid in

There were no metal grills on windows nor sliding doors. Yet it was such a peaceful setting in a small town that I was not fearful throughout the two week stint.

In spite of my courage, I explained to a young girl in my hometown that now I dare not visit rest rooms on the upper floors of a certain shopping mall. No! I did not turn yellow in the interim years of marriage and child rearing.

I have seen gangsters, drug addicts, and pimps in that particular shopping mall within the vicinity of two famous high schools. I’ve never felt safe wandering around that place. No wonder the young girl’s mum and I both forbid our daughters to loiter or wander in that particular building.

* pink flower-3231.gif fromgraphicshunt.com

(149) Bring up a reader/ Upbringing 12

The making of a reader


Another tip about unearthing a child’s talent is through sheer hard work and persistence. My son is a late reader. Despite my early efforts, he was not interested in books throughout Grade 1. Yes, he would listen to a story, told conversationally. However, not in reading a book, not even a picture book with a few sentences on each page.

Faced with a friend whose daughter read by age four, I was feeling frustrated and discouraged. Of course I knew that each child is ready for reading at different ages. And I just happened to have a late reader on my hands.

After our move to town A, I would carry a three-year-old, shoulder a backpack and lead a seven-year-old by hand on the bus every Saturday to the town council library. We stayed for fifteen minutes the first visit. The next visit, I aimed for thirty minutes with a ten minute break for drinks in the canteen. Gradually, I lengthened the time and miracles of miracles, I found that my son became interested enough to find the kinds of books he liked. At first he looked for cartoons and pictures. There are books in the town council library filled with big pages of colourful pictures without a single word. Then he found books on transportation. He flipped the pages looking at helicopters, ambulances, fire trucks, racing cars, trains, hovercrafts and many more vehicles.

A blessing about public libraries is the fact that each low table is covered with stacks of books that children like. Very often he found two or three books he liked just by sorting through the books laid higgledy piggery on the table.

Books are like friends, he often looked for and found the same books and repeatedly looked through them. Each week, he would point out different things about his favourite books to me. Not necessarily the same things though. For example, one Saturday he would point to a fire engine and told me he will grow up to be a fireman. Then next Saturday he would point to a rescue helicopter and told me a story of how the pilot flew to an island to rescue a sick child and sent him to the nearby hospital.

By the time my daughter went to nursery school, we’ve accumulated twenty library cards. If my son flipped through two books and read a few pages of one of them on his own at home, I was an extremely happy mom.

And so, I continued to borrow books weekly until he was in Grade 10. From the hundreds of books that passed through our doors, he had acquired a love for reading. I was not surprised, for my husband and I are avid readers. Today my son speed reads, he can finish a book in about a quarter of the time I take. He has a fine grasp of both main languages, plays with the nuances of words and acquired a wide range of general knowledge. He can share confidently on many topics.

It was well worth all the years of lugging books back and forth, whether in a car boot or on my back. And I can certainly tell you that in the beginning, he preferred the TV and cinema screen to the printed word. He was not a born reader, it was a hard earned hobby, borne through years of persistence, encouragement and sheer effort.

* 1450  17  12---Sunflowers--Flowers-Ma from freefoto.com

(148) Object Lessons/Upbringing 11

When Crystal was three years old, we rented a brand new house near Kingston. Her desire to attend school was so great that she herself convinced the Principal to admit her three months ahead of the new school year. The very next day, she hopped up the school transport, waving good bye to me. So every morning, I sat under the car porch and we waited for her van. I must have used every available moment to teach her a little something about what caught her attention daily. Later the grandma next door mentioned that she used to sit at her swing and listened to my stories tailored on the spot to give object lessons.


Soon Crystal made friend with our neighbour's young daughter. Both would cycle in each driveway and talked across the fence. Our neighbour asked if I would give her daughter language lessons. At that point I was not keen to tie up my weekends. Therefore I suggested for the child to come over to play, bring her homework if she needed help. She did that for a short period of time.


All that time Crystal had sensitive nose and started wheezing at night. When the paediatrician diagnosed it as allergy to cement dust, we had little choice but to move away from the area. Circumstances ended that budding friendship between the children.

* food title.jpg from tiki.oneworld.net

(146) Trust/ upbringing 10

I approach this topic with fear and trembling. While I am afraid to claim more than I know, it would be cowardly not to share with you the little I have glimpsed.

If you have more than one child, you will probably agree with me that each one is likely to be totally different from another. You have read much about Elizabeth. Chances are you must be a little impressed by now. If you have not read about Kenneth, brace yourself, this piece is about him.

One day Kenneth brought back a visitor from a neighbouring country. He went on a solo trip on the train. And it is amazing that a quiet boy like him could chat up a pretty girl from a different culture. He told her about his personal relationship with his God and the girl has never heard of his God before. In order to take her to our church, he decided at the spur of the moment to take her home. He was definite that she would get along with me and that I would like her.

Now, what makes a girl trust a complete stranger? I have no answer to that question. For whatever reason, this girl decided that my son was trustworthy. She eventually visited our church twice and visited many local sights with my family.

Here I have to state that this girl has been traveling for about three years on her own. She was well able to fend for herself in the six countries she went backpacking through. Although she was young in years, she is matured and wise. She was discerning enough to see something in my son that many others failed to see.

No! sorry to disappoint you, there is no romantic angle. This visitor may be in touch with Elizabeth by Facebook, but she has a boyfriend in her home country.

For months I have been puzzling through how Kenneth could inspire this sort of trust in complete strangers. Lately I heard from a friend how Kenneth could buy food on credit from roadside vendors. Then I realise the foreign visitor episode was not isolated after all.

For one thing, Kenneth is good natured. Another point in his favour is that he is easy going. Thirdly he is sincere, perhaps I should use the word genuine. Maybe he looks transparent and honest. Fourthly he repays promptly and is truly appreciative of people who trusts him. Every one of the roadside vendors nearby knows and likes him as a matter of course. He looks like an amiable, gentle giant. He loves food and children. When he babysits, little boy climbs and crawls all over him. He threatens no children.  Have you heard the saying that little children and dogs are good judge of character? If this saying is true, then my son is deemed a man of good character.

(145) By the grace of God/ Upbringing 9

Something close to my heart

The other morning one of the younger moms talked about her special child and ended up weeping. I must confess that I was distressed. On one hand I felt uncomfortable. On the other I don't know what to do. And so I did nothing but continue to pray in my heart.

If you have been reading my upbringing series, you must have guessed that my life work had been bringing up my talented children who learned differently from others. While I was in Silver City, children seemed to appear in front of my door step. I either chose to help one or reject the other because of uncooperative parents. I know it sounds unfair, but from experience I know that it is more important that the mom trusts me and works with me than having a pliant child. However, since I moved to this big city, doors to teaching and tutoring closed completely. And therefore I started writing. It is like returning to my teenage years, I used to publish short articles in newspapers and magazines.

Going back to the younger mom, at some point I caught her alone and was able to share a little with her. You see, my Elizabeth was bright as a new pin, as bubbly as little girls can be. Yet she was different. When she was a few months old, she would bite whoever that displeased her. I was able to avoid being bitten as I could sense her mood. My husband wasn't so lucky. After all her front teeth have grown, it really hurt. One day, without warning, my husband bit Elizabeth on her arm. Of course she cried and yelled. But, once she knew it hurts, she did not bite anyone again. Mind, I don't advocate biting little babies, but I have to accept it here as a solution.

Throughout her childhood, I could see the strong leadership tendencies in Elizabeth. Older or bigger children would fall under her influence and do her bidding willingly. She was both short and small, a tiny dab of a child. But it was not unusual for a few children to follow her in play. She sometimes became over excited. Twice she scratched other girls. One was my helper's only daughter. It was a good thing that my helper witnessed the conflict. Elizabeth was simulating flying while sitting on a big pillow. Joyce was trying to coax her to go and take a bath. Since Joyce was two years older, she was winning the tug of war. As fast as lightning, Elizabeth scratched Joyce. While my helper attended to first aid, I disciplined Elizabeth by hitting her bottom. Soon both girls were crying. The funny part was they huddled together in tears. Joyce was indignant that her darling baby was being punished, and Elizabeth was upset that I interfered in her dealings with her lady-in-waiting. At times there was something about Elizabeth that seemed like a royal personage deigning to confer some advantages to her followers.

The next episode happened in school. Elizabeth was seven years old. The person being scratched was her biggest and most loyal fan. According to those little girls who saw it happen, all claimed that Cassandra was forcing Elizabeth to do something the latter did not want to. Each of the onlookers stepped back, expecting some retaliation. Cassandra alone was trying to persuade and physically pull Elizabeth away. After investigating the entire incident, I went as far as to apologise to Cassandra's mom. The amazing part was Cassandra was not angry, she was still Elizabeth's chief admirer. I still can recall her upturned face telling me "It's nothing! Doesn't hurt anymore!" Of course Elizabeth had a serious talking to from my husband and I. We grounded her and withdrew all privileges for a week. For that long week, Cassandra actually suffered more than my daughter. You see, at that point of time Cassandra was in my house most mornings. 

It was uncanny, what I chose to reveal was somewhat similar to what the mom was concerned about. Since one child could overcome it by the grace of God and  praying parents, there should be no reason for any concerned mom to continually lose sleep over.

(144) Missionary's moms/ Upbringing 8

 This morning I prayed for a young mother. She shared that she wanted to dedicate both her sons to God, should her boys be suitable, she would love for them to become missionaries when they grow up. While I do not want to discourage her, it is important to think through something that important. For pre-believers to hear about our God, we need to send out missionaries to unreached tribes. Where are we going to find missionary candidates? Who else can mould and train children better than their mothers?

Somewhere in 1993 another mother told God that she released her first born son to serve God. It would be an honour for her should he chooses to enter mission field. In 2001 mother and son went for a short-term mission in a neighbouring country. A few months ago, the young man received his personal call to mission. He knows to whom he would be sent, next week he will be starting his training. For him, it is to get hold of a qualification to enable him to enter his target country as a professional.

There is no safer ground than to be in the centre of God's view. It is easy to say that. It is quite another matter to send one's only son to a country where he could be killed for sharing his faith. Yet it is on the spilled martyr's blood that the Gospel advances. There is nothing wrong to bring up children to become medical doctors, lawyers, engineers and accountants. But it will make the world a better place if we bring up our children to become environmentalist, caring social workers, human rights activists, righteous politicians, police with integrity, millionaires with a soft spot for the poor ....

There exist a perfect plan for each person, and it was written before the person was born. If I fail in everything else, I would pledge my lifelong effort into enabling every one of my children to grow into that plan. I want my life to make a difference. I want my children to each shine in their chosen field and be blessings to others wherever they go. So far my eldest has chosen to be a language teacher. May he use his chosen vocation not just to earn a living, but to live such a life that would inspire those who come after him.

(143) Hugh income gap/ love is blind 4

I had a sleepover in my friend's place. My friend, Abbie, rented a room from Belinda. Initially, Belinda took a house and lived in it with her mum. Then Abbie took one of the back bedrooms. Subsequently, another girl moved into the other back bedroom. Last of all Ben, a pizza delivery guy moved into the downstairs room.

A year later, Belinda married Ben. Belinda's mum exchanged living space with Ben. At first it was peaceful co-existence. Then Belinda was expecting a baby. I began to sense tension in the house whenever I visited. Since Belinda is an accountant, I guessed the problem would probably be finance. And so it was.

Close to mid night, a quarrel broke out! Things were thrown, there were shouts and loud swearing. Indeed it was like all hell broke loose! Then the front door banged. Since we had nothing to do with the fighting parties, Abbie and I just went back to our interrupted sleep.

Much later I heard that Belinda's mum had a show down with Belinda's husband. With all the increase in expenses due to the imminent arrival of the baby, Belinda was really stressed up. Ben held onto all his hard earned money and refused to part with it.  After the confrontation, Belinda named a figure and Ben countered with something closer to what he could afford. Peace was restored.

It is interesting that a college educated Accountant could be happy with someone who did not even finish his high school diploma. Most weekends they spent watching TV. Belinda drives a good car. Ben rides an old motorbike. Belinda goes to work in branded clothes. Ben goes to work in his uniform.

Shortly after this incident, Abbie married her sweet heart and moved out. And I lost touch with her chief tenant, Belinda. All I knew was Belinda gave birth to a son. I often wonder where they are now ... Are they happy together? Could their love for each other withstand the test of time and a vast income barrier? An experienced accountant earns a five figure income while a pizza delivery man is lucky to get a four figure pay at the end of the month.

(142) Best intern/ upbringing 7

Today I met my son's supervisor over lunch. She happened to be a dear friend of mine. When Kenneth needed an internship, she was able to help us.

We went down memory lane to recall the different high lights of her involvement in training interns. Interestingly, most of the interns she has had were young men. Now, before I set about recording her comments about Kenneth, I must start by saying that Kenneth is a regular bloke. He can be a  little absent minded. No one would see him as outstanding or classify him as a leader. Therefore, I was a little taken aback when Olivier said her entire team voted my son as the best intern, not just two years ago but they reaffirmed it recently, after having another five interns or so.

Olivier recalled that Kenneth has the best networking skills. For an example, she said that within a few weeks he was already having lunch with folks from a sister company even though his direct duties actually lie mostly within the main company.

Then she said that out of all her interns, he was able to research and interview in such a way as to unearth exactly what she was looking for. Specifically he was able to approach the most formidable member of the artistic team and found out that he loves motorcycles. The man  with few words actually told my son that he owned two bikes, one for taking him to work and the other one he kept at home. Of course the latter one cost him much more that the first work horse. The subject referred to his darling sheltered bike as his "wife". All these took place without Olivier having to call the subject ahead of time and ask for a favour, namely please don't chew my son up and swallow him alive. Artists are well known for being temperamental and difficult to get along with.

All afternoon I have been running a search in my brain. The only unusual thing about Kenneth's childhood that could possibly be an ingredient towards his networking skills is: whenever anyone came visiting, Kenneth would linger nearby and listen to the adults talk. After the friends leave, he would come to question me on whatever he couldn't catch or understand. I would then fill in the back ground info so that he could comprehend why so and so felt that way. Of course the topic of any conversation would be child friendly since everyone saw a child sitting in and listening. Kenneth has a taste for people, he likes associating with all types. He loves to find out what makes them tick.

As to the ability to get people to tell him interesting bits of information, apart from inborn tendency, I can only point to reading. Kenneth reads widely, both fiction and non-fiction. The thousands of books he ploughed through throughout his childhood exposed him to all types of personalities. Reading in between the lines enables him to recognise personality types and instantly know in his heart how to approach that particular type. It is what the Chinese says,"When you meet a human, use human speech, but when you meet a ghost, speak like a ghost!"