My last post was about care givers of old folks. Now I'll relate the life of my friend's mother-in-law. This old lady has three children. Her eldest is a married daughter who resides in New Zealand. The second is a son who works in Qatar. The last is my friend's husband who works four hours from his home town.
The old lady lived with her youngest son's family before she had to move into an old folks' home because of her medical condition requiring 24 hour care. Before her health failed, she was a grand madam knew-it-all who insulted her daughter-in-law's cooking skills. She, in her arrogance, made a habit of telling off each of her four grand children in turn according to her moods. Nothing pleased her, she let her own lifelong frustration soured her temperament. She shouted at all and sundry without counting any possible consequences. In front of favourite, the youngest son, she was really sweet and circumspect. A few months before she moved into the old folks' home, every one of her grand children as well as her daughter-in-law stayed out of the house as much as possible.
Now that she has lost her mobility, she could not ill treat the home's staff without suffering neglect. Still she talked her wealthy daughter into paying special rate so that she could live in a two bedded room as a single inmate. Her daughter visits her once or twice a year. The son from Qatar hardly turns up. Her beloved son, my friend's husband, tries to visit her three times a year - Chinese New Year, her birthday in June and Moon Cake Festival. As the four grand children moved to different parts the country for work and tertiary education, nobody lives in the home town anymore. My friend moved to be with her husband. The proud and obnoxious old lady is reaping what she sowed, being alone day after day waiting for her beloved to visit her. It is really sad but she could not undo the past actions.
Monday, October 15, 2018
(1017) Care giver
Being the chief care giver of old folks is by no means an easy task. Through the years I kept an ear out to pick up the detail development of my husband's alumna in a neighbouring country. When my youngest child was a month old, she came to visit us. At that point of time, she was young and had a personable nature. Through the years, the wears and tears of bearing the burdens of caring for her parents affected her adversely.
She became paranoid. Just to illustrate how far she has changed: while travelling overseas she carried two bunches of keys. One came from the locks of her home and office consisting of about twenty over individual keys. The other came from the locks of her various pieces of luggage. That alone already departed from the norm. The strange part came when different room mates (who were other alumnae) all said that she actually carried every piece of her personal belongings, including all the suitcases, into the bathroom when she showered.
She is still single and holds quite a good job. Instead of being grateful for her years of sacrificial care given to both parents, each one of her siblings seemed to find fault with her instead. I thought that was an isolated incident, sad... but life can be tough.
Lately another of my husband's contact, through business, seemed to walk in the alumna's footsteps. This contact's mom is still alive. She exhibited symptoms of not only paranoia, I would hazard to guess that she was slightly bi-polar. Over the care of her deceased dad, she fought with every one of her siblings in turn. She lived in a love-hate relationship with her mom. She claimed unknown parties broke into her office and wrecked her personal car. It became increasingly difficult to believe what she said. Yet obviously there must be real stress and fault lines leading to her erratic behaviour.
Nobody wants to send his or her parent to an old folks home. Yet very often the unmarried daughter ended up caring for one or both parents until death. It is not exactly ideal and it often exacts a certain undesired cost on the person involved.
She became paranoid. Just to illustrate how far she has changed: while travelling overseas she carried two bunches of keys. One came from the locks of her home and office consisting of about twenty over individual keys. The other came from the locks of her various pieces of luggage. That alone already departed from the norm. The strange part came when different room mates (who were other alumnae) all said that she actually carried every piece of her personal belongings, including all the suitcases, into the bathroom when she showered.
She is still single and holds quite a good job. Instead of being grateful for her years of sacrificial care given to both parents, each one of her siblings seemed to find fault with her instead. I thought that was an isolated incident, sad... but life can be tough.
Lately another of my husband's contact, through business, seemed to walk in the alumna's footsteps. This contact's mom is still alive. She exhibited symptoms of not only paranoia, I would hazard to guess that she was slightly bi-polar. Over the care of her deceased dad, she fought with every one of her siblings in turn. She lived in a love-hate relationship with her mom. She claimed unknown parties broke into her office and wrecked her personal car. It became increasingly difficult to believe what she said. Yet obviously there must be real stress and fault lines leading to her erratic behaviour.
Nobody wants to send his or her parent to an old folks home. Yet very often the unmarried daughter ended up caring for one or both parents until death. It is not exactly ideal and it often exacts a certain undesired cost on the person involved.
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