If you have been following this blog, you may remember the cheap one dollar coconut rice for breakfast. Now I want to talk about the other end of economic contrast.
Not many miles from this little food stall, we find a private university. Many local and foreign students study there. A new residence facility was built. a small single room with attached bathroom was priced at $1,500. We need to be mindful that a new graduate engineer only earns $2,100 monthly while a new business admin graduate may earn only $1,300 a month.
You may say,"Well! A single room of course would be expensive!" Take a look at students sharing a condo across town: three girls sharing the master bedroom, two girls sharing a medium size room and one girl staying in the smallest room. The entire condo 's built up area is 900 sq ft. The girl who drew the lot to get a single room is the luckiest. She at least has some extra floor space to walk in or to sort things. The two girls sharing one room has only enough space to walk past each other between the beds. The master bedroom was the worst! After putting in three beds, two wardrobes and three desks and chairs, there is only enough space for one person to walk. Any other room mate has to sit down to let the first pass. My friend's daughter actually paid over five hundred dollars for such crowded living space. The only redeeming factor is that there is cleaning service for the public space: sitting area, kitchenette and two bathrooms once a week.
The above condo sells for three hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
Friday, October 28, 2011
(558) Money talks
I have come across cases of children who hate the delinquent parent who walked out. While I cannot blame them for feeling this way, I want to present the case on the opposite side of the fence.
An abused woman escaped to rebuild her life. She endured two years of living alone in a small rented room. Many times a week she went near her old house but stayed concealed to look at her children. When the divorce became final, she was awarded visitation right. Even though her ex-husband frustrate her often in meeting her children, she persisted.
This is the second year of her reconciliation with her children. Many thousands have been spent, she is dipping into her divorce settlement and her life savings to fulfill the many needs and wants of her two perhaps long deprived kids. You see, her ex had a very tight fist when it comes to money.
While I see the deep love of this woman for her children, I fear for her future. Unless there is a miracle, it is most unlikely these children would take care of her in her old age. I cannot stop her from caring and showing love, but I do advise her to practice restraint.
If she chooses to keep her nest egg intact, it would mean a cut in close ties. Now she chooses to sacrifice herself, I certainly hope they would not drop her like hot cakes when her extra cash is gone. You may think I am mercenary, but her brothers, sisters and close friends all concur that her best course of action lies with keeping her money.
An abused woman escaped to rebuild her life. She endured two years of living alone in a small rented room. Many times a week she went near her old house but stayed concealed to look at her children. When the divorce became final, she was awarded visitation right. Even though her ex-husband frustrate her often in meeting her children, she persisted.
This is the second year of her reconciliation with her children. Many thousands have been spent, she is dipping into her divorce settlement and her life savings to fulfill the many needs and wants of her two perhaps long deprived kids. You see, her ex had a very tight fist when it comes to money.
While I see the deep love of this woman for her children, I fear for her future. Unless there is a miracle, it is most unlikely these children would take care of her in her old age. I cannot stop her from caring and showing love, but I do advise her to practice restraint.
If she chooses to keep her nest egg intact, it would mean a cut in close ties. Now she chooses to sacrifice herself, I certainly hope they would not drop her like hot cakes when her extra cash is gone. You may think I am mercenary, but her brothers, sisters and close friends all concur that her best course of action lies with keeping her money.
(557) Monkey business
My daughter lives in a hostel facing a secondary forest. Her room mate likes to push aside the curtain to get a breath of fresh air. She looked up from her home work and screamed! There was a monkey crawling up the grating nailed to their window. Her scream frightened the poor monkey, who quickly descended.
Elizabeth (my daughter) is a little braver. She faced the monkey squarely and told him off. Just the day before, she had to clean the overturned garbage bin after one monkey sneaked in to look for food. This creature actually made a face at her before moving off.
Near my mother's house, there are many fruit trees. Squirrels abound. One went in through the door to steal the bananas hung near the window. It was a major undertaking to chase it out. We had to tie nettings on all doors and windows to prevent these cute animals from including the house as one of their daily food gathering centers.
Elizabeth (my daughter) is a little braver. She faced the monkey squarely and told him off. Just the day before, she had to clean the overturned garbage bin after one monkey sneaked in to look for food. This creature actually made a face at her before moving off.
Near my mother's house, there are many fruit trees. Squirrels abound. One went in through the door to steal the bananas hung near the window. It was a major undertaking to chase it out. We had to tie nettings on all doors and windows to prevent these cute animals from including the house as one of their daily food gathering centers.
(556) Country driving by Peter Hessler
Apart from Wild Swan, this book really give me a deeper look into China (the land of my grandfather). The book was divided into three sections: the wall, the country and the factory.
I find it amusing that there are foreigners who are that interested in the Great Wall of China. A few years back, I read a book written by one that more or less hiked from one end of the wall to the other in a few journeys. Here Peter took road trips driving as close to the different sections of the different walls built in different dynasties. And here I am, a Chinese by blood who has not visited the Wall. I don't think I would regret if I never had the chance to visit it before I die. Nobody who had visited it as a tourist could tell me anything to create a desire in my heart to go.
After living in Beijing for a few years, he actually rented a house in a tiny village in the north near the wall. He lived and wrote there, getting to know the few families well. As a result, he was able to give "penetrating" views of the culture, customs, life style, and behavior of his neighbours. He certainly described the political climate as well as its inner working in the tiny village very plainly.
As he pursued the wall and the village life, he surveyed and learned much about factories. Imagine how China blossomed from a mainly agricultural country to the capital of the world's production in a relatively short period of time. Suddenly, everything was made in China. From inferior products, the factories in China have come a long way to make some of the high quality precision goods we now take for granted.
The twenty first century was said to belong to China. Yet I think of the poor two year old who was run over by two vehicles. It took the seventeenth person to walk past, a rubbish recycler, to pick her up off the middle of the road. What would the world's biggest and strongest economy do to the rest of the world if its average citizen treats the life of a child as that of a rat?
I find it amusing that there are foreigners who are that interested in the Great Wall of China. A few years back, I read a book written by one that more or less hiked from one end of the wall to the other in a few journeys. Here Peter took road trips driving as close to the different sections of the different walls built in different dynasties. And here I am, a Chinese by blood who has not visited the Wall. I don't think I would regret if I never had the chance to visit it before I die. Nobody who had visited it as a tourist could tell me anything to create a desire in my heart to go.
After living in Beijing for a few years, he actually rented a house in a tiny village in the north near the wall. He lived and wrote there, getting to know the few families well. As a result, he was able to give "penetrating" views of the culture, customs, life style, and behavior of his neighbours. He certainly described the political climate as well as its inner working in the tiny village very plainly.
As he pursued the wall and the village life, he surveyed and learned much about factories. Imagine how China blossomed from a mainly agricultural country to the capital of the world's production in a relatively short period of time. Suddenly, everything was made in China. From inferior products, the factories in China have come a long way to make some of the high quality precision goods we now take for granted.
The twenty first century was said to belong to China. Yet I think of the poor two year old who was run over by two vehicles. It took the seventeenth person to walk past, a rubbish recycler, to pick her up off the middle of the road. What would the world's biggest and strongest economy do to the rest of the world if its average citizen treats the life of a child as that of a rat?
(555) Along Came a Spider by James Patterson
Two children (from two families) of a high official and a famous movie star were kidnapped from a prestigious private school in Washington DC. The boy died of an over dose of a knock out drug. Ransom was paid but the girl was not returned.
The police had a break when an observant citizen gave them crucial information leading them to the kidnapper. The latter escaped but opened fire in Mc Donalds, killing some patrons. He was caught. The media circus started when the defense lawyer called Alex Cross in as a hostile witness. It was unthinkable but the accused was allowed to be placed under hypnosis in court. When the verdict returned, there was a collective sigh that it was life imprisonment for the suspect who could be suffering from a multiple-personality disorder.
From there much happened and it was found that the ransom was hijacked by three FBI agents. Later the girl was found in South America working in a farm. The impression was given in the book that it was easy for the prisoner to escape from prison and kill again. It was interesting that in real life this killer who successfully murdered many was mild as milk. Apparently, many sociopaths are seemingly softies who could not even discipline their own children.
This book reminded me of a local case of kidnapping: the youngest son of a rich family was kidnapped by the husband of an elder sister. This despicable brother-in-law killed the boy and threw the body in the river. This family had to deal with a double blow: besides the death of the youngest boy, they have to help their daughter bring up the son of a murderer!
The police had a break when an observant citizen gave them crucial information leading them to the kidnapper. The latter escaped but opened fire in Mc Donalds, killing some patrons. He was caught. The media circus started when the defense lawyer called Alex Cross in as a hostile witness. It was unthinkable but the accused was allowed to be placed under hypnosis in court. When the verdict returned, there was a collective sigh that it was life imprisonment for the suspect who could be suffering from a multiple-personality disorder.
From there much happened and it was found that the ransom was hijacked by three FBI agents. Later the girl was found in South America working in a farm. The impression was given in the book that it was easy for the prisoner to escape from prison and kill again. It was interesting that in real life this killer who successfully murdered many was mild as milk. Apparently, many sociopaths are seemingly softies who could not even discipline their own children.
This book reminded me of a local case of kidnapping: the youngest son of a rich family was kidnapped by the husband of an elder sister. This despicable brother-in-law killed the boy and threw the body in the river. This family had to deal with a double blow: besides the death of the youngest boy, they have to help their daughter bring up the son of a murderer!
(554) Kiss the Girls by James Patterson
It is a frightening tale of two intelligent serial killers. One collects beautiful women and keep them in an underground harem. The other uses and kills females, mutilating the corpse to keep different parts of the bodies.
When the number of missing women built up with some murdered in cold blood, the police and the FBI are under pressure to find the kidnapper turned murderer. Somewhere along the line of investigation, a clue came out that the two killers were in contact.
A lady doctor who was kidnapped escaped against all odds. From the information revealed by her, Alex Cross was able to locate the hidden harem to free his niece and other victims. It was illogical that the doctor would stupidly go back to her residence where the person kidnapped her. I find it unbelievable that the FBI did not place her in a safe house or at least place her under protection! As a result of such foolish choice, she was soundly beaten by both the killers. It was amazing that she did not die.
As most stories of this sort go, eventually the killers become over confident and are killed or caught by some heroes. It was a high adrenalin and exciting read! While it is very advantageous for a woman to be beautiful in features and figure, such a person easily becomes a target of such killers.
When the number of missing women built up with some murdered in cold blood, the police and the FBI are under pressure to find the kidnapper turned murderer. Somewhere along the line of investigation, a clue came out that the two killers were in contact.
A lady doctor who was kidnapped escaped against all odds. From the information revealed by her, Alex Cross was able to locate the hidden harem to free his niece and other victims. It was illogical that the doctor would stupidly go back to her residence where the person kidnapped her. I find it unbelievable that the FBI did not place her in a safe house or at least place her under protection! As a result of such foolish choice, she was soundly beaten by both the killers. It was amazing that she did not die.
As most stories of this sort go, eventually the killers become over confident and are killed or caught by some heroes. It was a high adrenalin and exciting read! While it is very advantageous for a woman to be beautiful in features and figure, such a person easily becomes a target of such killers.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
(553) Transformed life
I have a friend who recently accepted Jesus as his savior. The other day he went to a shopping mall where it was difficult to find parking. He waited patiently for a car to back out. But before he could turn in, another car swerved in and took the lot. He immediately got down to tell the driver that he had been waiting for the lot. That lady was rude and said,"So ...". I guess what she meant is the rule of the jungle applies. He controlled himself and breathed deeply a few times. He figured there was no use arguing with someone like that.
Had it been a month ago, he would have waited for the inconsiderate woman to leave and then walked around the car giving it a nice long scratch all the way. This time he just sat there for a while, whispered a prayer for God to take his anger away. He asked God to deal with the woman His way and left things at that.
Of course he is no angel. But as it is there is a drastic change. It was not him who could walk away without paying back in kind. It was God's conviction in his heart that caused a change in behavior.
Had it been a month ago, he would have waited for the inconsiderate woman to leave and then walked around the car giving it a nice long scratch all the way. This time he just sat there for a while, whispered a prayer for God to take his anger away. He asked God to deal with the woman His way and left things at that.
Of course he is no angel. But as it is there is a drastic change. It was not him who could walk away without paying back in kind. It was God's conviction in his heart that caused a change in behavior.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
(552) Girl friend?
My neighbour Ruby has a son who is rather good-looking. We will call him Eric. Eric met a girl, Gwen, in his pre-U days. While Eric went abroad to Canada, Gwen was studying at home. As soon as Eric finished and come back, Gwen went for her Masters in UK. They were separated for more or less four years. Now that both are done with their studies, you would think they would enjoy working and dating in the same city.
But truth is stranger than fiction. Gwen joined an airline and decided to fly for two years. I suppose it is quite a lucrative way to see the world. But what puzzled me is: why do young people thrive on this type of so called open relationship? This couple, Eric and Gwen, would celebrate their anniversaries on the day they met every month. In this internet age, it is quite an achievement for a couple to last one month, isn't it? Counting things their way, they actually weathered at least fifty anniversaries. I am impressed!
Their relationship has experienced set back before. Way back in his second year, they parted company. A few months later they mutually decided to get back together without telling any of their friends. Well into the fifth year, they are still unofficial. Since they parted, he did not ask her to be his special and neither did she. I may be old fashion, but I wonder if they are dating around? Or are they keeping quiet about them getting together to avoid having to tell their friends the next break up?
Ruby hopes her son will meet other girls and if this one flies away, it is not a disaster as Eric is just twenty one years old.
But truth is stranger than fiction. Gwen joined an airline and decided to fly for two years. I suppose it is quite a lucrative way to see the world. But what puzzled me is: why do young people thrive on this type of so called open relationship? This couple, Eric and Gwen, would celebrate their anniversaries on the day they met every month. In this internet age, it is quite an achievement for a couple to last one month, isn't it? Counting things their way, they actually weathered at least fifty anniversaries. I am impressed!
Their relationship has experienced set back before. Way back in his second year, they parted company. A few months later they mutually decided to get back together without telling any of their friends. Well into the fifth year, they are still unofficial. Since they parted, he did not ask her to be his special and neither did she. I may be old fashion, but I wonder if they are dating around? Or are they keeping quiet about them getting together to avoid having to tell their friends the next break up?
Ruby hopes her son will meet other girls and if this one flies away, it is not a disaster as Eric is just twenty one years old.
(551) The eternal Eve
In "Come, Tell Me How You Live" by Agatha Christie, we find that the rural peasants were more or less self sufficient when harvest was good. So how did the archaeologist encourage the villagers to work for money?
In page 69, we see the dig foreman suggested that a little extra money would come in handy to buy their wives ornaments. Even when the wives all concurred that the digging might be a good thing, the husbands were worried that the digging would affect the Arab's sense of dignity. But well! It was just a few days of test trenching, they would have the entire winter to consider about the idea of working before spring come.
Now let us look at Foundation by Isaac Asimov. On page 183 we find Master Trader Mallow demonstrating a simple nuclear ornament on a young girl. There he created a demand for something that had not been seen in that far off planet. Once the Head of Government saw how much money he could squeeze out of the women with a monopoly, he relented and played ball.
All over the world, people make money by offering Beauty: clothes, cosmetics, skin care, head gear, foot gear, hand bags, jewelry, scarves, belts ...
In page 69, we see the dig foreman suggested that a little extra money would come in handy to buy their wives ornaments. Even when the wives all concurred that the digging might be a good thing, the husbands were worried that the digging would affect the Arab's sense of dignity. But well! It was just a few days of test trenching, they would have the entire winter to consider about the idea of working before spring come.
Now let us look at Foundation by Isaac Asimov. On page 183 we find Master Trader Mallow demonstrating a simple nuclear ornament on a young girl. There he created a demand for something that had not been seen in that far off planet. Once the Head of Government saw how much money he could squeeze out of the women with a monopoly, he relented and played ball.
All over the world, people make money by offering Beauty: clothes, cosmetics, skin care, head gear, foot gear, hand bags, jewelry, scarves, belts ...
(550) Eavesdrop
I am comparing Arkady Darrel in Second Foundation by Isaac Asimov with Tuppence in N or M by Agatha Christie.
Both eavesdropped. Arkady planned ahead to wrangle a sound receiver from her classmate. Tuppence was thinking on her feet by asking her friend to "call" her away by phone. Arkady listened comfortably in her bedroom by using technology while Tuppence placed her ear next to the door.
Arkady was a stowaway in Munn's space ship. She changed history by appealing to Lady Callia who was able to suggest things to change the Lord's mind. For an eavesdropper, Arkady did well with the knowledge not meant for her ears. She risked her life in going off with Munn. Were it not for Lady Callia, she might have ended up as the Lord's new wife. And she was all of fourteen and a half years old!
Tuppence actually arrived first in the place Tommy was assigned to go. She risk life and limb by choosing to go to the place of action. In the end, all is well that ends well. She enlisted Albert's help and it was Albert who saved Tommy's life from German agents.
Of course decent people do not eavesdrop private conversations. Yet what excitement would there be in any stories without such untoward activities?
Both eavesdropped. Arkady planned ahead to wrangle a sound receiver from her classmate. Tuppence was thinking on her feet by asking her friend to "call" her away by phone. Arkady listened comfortably in her bedroom by using technology while Tuppence placed her ear next to the door.
Arkady was a stowaway in Munn's space ship. She changed history by appealing to Lady Callia who was able to suggest things to change the Lord's mind. For an eavesdropper, Arkady did well with the knowledge not meant for her ears. She risked her life in going off with Munn. Were it not for Lady Callia, she might have ended up as the Lord's new wife. And she was all of fourteen and a half years old!
Tuppence actually arrived first in the place Tommy was assigned to go. She risk life and limb by choosing to go to the place of action. In the end, all is well that ends well. She enlisted Albert's help and it was Albert who saved Tommy's life from German agents.
Of course decent people do not eavesdrop private conversations. Yet what excitement would there be in any stories without such untoward activities?
Friday, October 21, 2011
(549) Early Memory
Last weekend I had ginger and onion beef and rice. It was cooked in a classic way. That dish brought back memories from the time Michael was a toddler. We used to eat that in a little cafe in a shopping center near our old house in the northern sector of the Capital city.
The funny thing is my son did remember the little cafe and the dish we always shared. I remember the first thing I ordered was ginger and onion beef in this cafe. After that I never order anything else. I know I was too sick to drive when Michael was six. By the time he was seven, we moved to Silver City. So from the age of three to five, he remembered this little eating place.
I don't know about you, my first child hood memory was my trip to my grandma's village a few hundred miles away by train when I was six. What was the first thing you remember about your early years? Michael remembered his little red car which we did not move to Silver City. He remembered moving from the apartment to the house with the huge back yard when he was five. He remembered living in his grandpa's when my husband was in Japan (he was barely four years old). He even remembered spending one night with Annie's family after Annie's fourth birthday party(he was about three years old). Compared to many others, he seemed to have a seamless train of memories from a very young age.
For my personal interest in memory retention, I have asked many friends similar questions. It seems to me that traumas and unhappiness in childhood tend to lead to gaps or loss of such memories.
The funny thing is my son did remember the little cafe and the dish we always shared. I remember the first thing I ordered was ginger and onion beef in this cafe. After that I never order anything else. I know I was too sick to drive when Michael was six. By the time he was seven, we moved to Silver City. So from the age of three to five, he remembered this little eating place.
I don't know about you, my first child hood memory was my trip to my grandma's village a few hundred miles away by train when I was six. What was the first thing you remember about your early years? Michael remembered his little red car which we did not move to Silver City. He remembered moving from the apartment to the house with the huge back yard when he was five. He remembered living in his grandpa's when my husband was in Japan (he was barely four years old). He even remembered spending one night with Annie's family after Annie's fourth birthday party(he was about three years old). Compared to many others, he seemed to have a seamless train of memories from a very young age.
For my personal interest in memory retention, I have asked many friends similar questions. It seems to me that traumas and unhappiness in childhood tend to lead to gaps or loss of such memories.
(548) Permanent Tiredness
Last night I went to have Cantonese Fried Yee Mee as dinner. The cook deep fried the coiled dried noodle. The he poured a thick transparent sauce with egg drops, green vege, fish cake, pork pieces, and two prawns onto the crispy noodles. It was delicious!
The stall owner cooks. His wife prepares the ingredients for him to work on and the foreign maid serves. I must have either ordered from them or walked past them a hundred times in the last ten years. Last night I really looked at the wife. She moved around like a robot. Her face betrayed no emotions. She must have been tired for years.
While I was enjoying my meal, I thought of Aurora's mother. From day to day, the latter also went about her business like an automaton. Both a cook's wife and a fruit shop owner work long hours and hardly take a day off. Apart from the long and tiring work day, these ladies are mothers. They are wives too. There are things they need to do for their children at home. Late at night, they still have to reserve time and energy for their husbands.
No wonder Aurora used to love coming to visit Elizabeth. She soaked up all the attention I lavished on Elizabeth and her. While it is good to have one's parents in business, the steady flow of cash eases one's way in life. But a child that grows up in such families tend to feel neglected and unloved. I wonder how such a background would affect Aurora's relationship with her future children?
The stall owner cooks. His wife prepares the ingredients for him to work on and the foreign maid serves. I must have either ordered from them or walked past them a hundred times in the last ten years. Last night I really looked at the wife. She moved around like a robot. Her face betrayed no emotions. She must have been tired for years.
While I was enjoying my meal, I thought of Aurora's mother. From day to day, the latter also went about her business like an automaton. Both a cook's wife and a fruit shop owner work long hours and hardly take a day off. Apart from the long and tiring work day, these ladies are mothers. They are wives too. There are things they need to do for their children at home. Late at night, they still have to reserve time and energy for their husbands.
No wonder Aurora used to love coming to visit Elizabeth. She soaked up all the attention I lavished on Elizabeth and her. While it is good to have one's parents in business, the steady flow of cash eases one's way in life. But a child that grows up in such families tend to feel neglected and unloved. I wonder how such a background would affect Aurora's relationship with her future children?
(547) Girls - sugar and spice?
I had lunch with old friends a few days ago. Along the way of talking about children, we discussed nieces too. Betty's niece was tangled with a handsome young man with many girl friends in her first year of University. As a result of her yo-yo emotional swings, she did badly. She actually talked her family into letting her have a gap year learning Buddhism studies in a foreign country. After that year of quiet contemplation, she came back and completed her first degree with better grades. Guess what? She is working now, and she is in a relationship with the same young man who caused her such a lot heart-ache.
Minnie also has a niece at risk. This young lady kept losing weight until she landed in the hospital. The doctors suspected her of having anorexic nervosa. And accordingly she went under psychiatric care. The sad thing is she could not get along with her shrink. Minnie's eldest sister kept on pressing Minnie into spending time and talking to the patient. Strictly speaking, lay people should not meddle in such cases as anorexics do die from heart attacks. But well, in a case of life and death, why shouldn't a concerned loved one make the effort and take the time to connect with the patient? If a person feels bad enough to starve herself to that extent, surely she needs others to pay attention and to really listen to her.
Betty and Minnie both have sons only. They would not get extra feminine participation in their families until their sons marry. Thank goodness they will be spared the heartaches the mothers of the above-mentioned young ladies are currently going through.
Minnie also has a niece at risk. This young lady kept losing weight until she landed in the hospital. The doctors suspected her of having anorexic nervosa. And accordingly she went under psychiatric care. The sad thing is she could not get along with her shrink. Minnie's eldest sister kept on pressing Minnie into spending time and talking to the patient. Strictly speaking, lay people should not meddle in such cases as anorexics do die from heart attacks. But well, in a case of life and death, why shouldn't a concerned loved one make the effort and take the time to connect with the patient? If a person feels bad enough to starve herself to that extent, surely she needs others to pay attention and to really listen to her.
Betty and Minnie both have sons only. They would not get extra feminine participation in their families until their sons marry. Thank goodness they will be spared the heartaches the mothers of the above-mentioned young ladies are currently going through.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
(546) Enigma 2
If you have read 893 Hopscotch therapy, you will remember how the snail hop scotch has helped Aurora to create an additional register or working space in her brain.
After Elizabeth's Pre-u examinations, we went to be with Aurora while she underwent a meal replacement detox programme. Aurora is a very intelligent girl. She is also excellent at playing dumb. Few people realise how smart she is. She is the eldest of four siblings and her parents are very busy running a retail business. While Elizabeth and I were staying in Aurora's house, we helped her go through her piles of clothes. Both the portion stuffed in her drawers' in her room as well as the big pile in the basket downstairs. We showed her how to classify clothes into three piles: those she can fit in and those that are too big and a third pile for those that are too small and short. She found bags for group 2 and 3, we folded them and stuffed them into the bags to be given away. After that we help her eliminated those she did not like and then we sorted them into categories to be placed into different drawers.
Until now I don't know if she simply hates to keep things in order or she is merely lazy. Two months after the big reorganisation, Elizabeth went to visit her to attend a going away party. It seemed her clothes filled the basket downstairs again. Being a tyrant, Elizabeth did not help her this time but merely supervised and ensured she brought them up and place them neatly into the drawers in her room upstairs.
Here we have a girl that is same age as my daughter. She actually drives with more skill and confidence than Elizabeth. Aurora has a personal car to use and is in charged of sending her younger siblings to school and back. With putting in less effort, she actually out performed Elizabeth in a public examination. But heaven helps the young man who is going to marry her in future. She would not lift a finger to clean her room. She could stand her parents' and her siblings' displeasure at having her unfolded clothes higgledy piggledy placed either in a basket or on a sofa next to the main door for weeks and months. I dread to think of how she is going to manage her children, if she is blessed with any. Perhaps the fact that she is living in a University hostel now would train her to be a little more organised.
It seemed easier to correct learning difficulties than to alter attitude and behavior. I am certainly very glad that Aurora will have a good degree and will become highly employable in the near future. But she will have greater challenges ahead of her, I hope she will be equally teachable as she was as a seven year old.
After Elizabeth's Pre-u examinations, we went to be with Aurora while she underwent a meal replacement detox programme. Aurora is a very intelligent girl. She is also excellent at playing dumb. Few people realise how smart she is. She is the eldest of four siblings and her parents are very busy running a retail business. While Elizabeth and I were staying in Aurora's house, we helped her go through her piles of clothes. Both the portion stuffed in her drawers' in her room as well as the big pile in the basket downstairs. We showed her how to classify clothes into three piles: those she can fit in and those that are too big and a third pile for those that are too small and short. She found bags for group 2 and 3, we folded them and stuffed them into the bags to be given away. After that we help her eliminated those she did not like and then we sorted them into categories to be placed into different drawers.
Until now I don't know if she simply hates to keep things in order or she is merely lazy. Two months after the big reorganisation, Elizabeth went to visit her to attend a going away party. It seemed her clothes filled the basket downstairs again. Being a tyrant, Elizabeth did not help her this time but merely supervised and ensured she brought them up and place them neatly into the drawers in her room upstairs.
Here we have a girl that is same age as my daughter. She actually drives with more skill and confidence than Elizabeth. Aurora has a personal car to use and is in charged of sending her younger siblings to school and back. With putting in less effort, she actually out performed Elizabeth in a public examination. But heaven helps the young man who is going to marry her in future. She would not lift a finger to clean her room. She could stand her parents' and her siblings' displeasure at having her unfolded clothes higgledy piggledy placed either in a basket or on a sofa next to the main door for weeks and months. I dread to think of how she is going to manage her children, if she is blessed with any. Perhaps the fact that she is living in a University hostel now would train her to be a little more organised.
It seemed easier to correct learning difficulties than to alter attitude and behavior. I am certainly very glad that Aurora will have a good degree and will become highly employable in the near future. But she will have greater challenges ahead of her, I hope she will be equally teachable as she was as a seven year old.
(545) The love of gold
Here let me make it clear that I don't hate money. But neither do I love it. I need a reasonable amount of money to lead a simple life. My needs are few.
I can divide my life into four sections: before college, during college, back in my home town and away living in Silver City. Before college, I was an out and out extrovert. I used to have many friends and even more activities. I worked very hard during college as I wanted to qualify for another scholarship to stay on in USA. That I achieved not through good academic performance alone. God led a rich Christian to offer me the means to go on for my Masters degree. I met Jesus around that period and received the call to return to my home country. I returned to work and marriage. My family and I have a good twelve years living in a small town that is called a city. Now I am back in the smog and noisy metropolitan area.
There are few ladies I count as good friends. One I met after I returned from US. She also just returned from four years in UK around then. We managed to meet and spend a fair amount of time together playing tennis and jogging during the week ends. I was married about six years ahead of her. We managed to keep up our friendship until I moved to Silver City. After that move it became increasingly difficult to keep in touch. Still we visited each other at least twice a year. Then she and her husband actually helped us locate our new house before we move back to the capital city.
As the years go by I noticed that her life became more and more dictated by money. As her business did not grow yearly because of her principle to be honest and above board, she looked into immigration. She told herself that she wants free university education for all her children. For that she gave up her business and become a salaried professional in her adopted country.
I know she inherited millions of our currency after the death of her mother. So she cannot claim to be poor or in need. Perhaps the fact that she married a gold digger husband who refused to work way before retirement age did not contribute to her life goal of accumulating more wealth. Lately she told me mournfully that no matter how much she tried to add to her nest egg, money seemed to come and then frittered away.
I listened to her frustration and I do understand her disappointment. But I don't know how to tell her that this is hardly the time to build up more earthly wealth. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her already bruised feelings. Perhaps as an immigrant in Australia, it is difficult to prosper as a salaried professional. Taxes are rather high. I do know that there is a lot of tension between husband and wife over money. Just to show you the level it went to is rather ridiculous: I used to drop by their place and invite myself for lunch before they left the country. One day their maid was told off for boiling three eggs more than was ordered because I turned up unexpectedly when they were not around. I used to enjoy talking to their children then. Let us think about it: how much does an egg cost a few years back? In a retail grocery store, it may cost thirty cents. But if we buy thirty in a super market, it merely costs twenty three cents. For 69 cents, the maid was reprimanded and I was embarrassed. There after, I brought my own lunch and a share more for the children if they fancy my food.
Each time she returned from Australia, she invited me to visit. I made all kinds of excuses. But the fact is I would hardly want to bunk in her house there. It would be too expensive to eat out for three meals a day. Yet I know better than to eat her food that she and her husband so carefully rationed. So you see, her love of money and my relative lack of it is blocking the friendship from growing deeper. It does not lead to evil yet, but neither is it helpful in this sort of circumstances.
Perhaps as I grow older, I need to be increasingly be on the look out for like minded people. I would not belong with anybody who loves money. I have little to contribute and no influence to help anyone increase their stock pile. It is sad that divergent paths force people to part. That is in spite of the fact that I still like them and we shared a lot in the past. I still wish them well.
I can divide my life into four sections: before college, during college, back in my home town and away living in Silver City. Before college, I was an out and out extrovert. I used to have many friends and even more activities. I worked very hard during college as I wanted to qualify for another scholarship to stay on in USA. That I achieved not through good academic performance alone. God led a rich Christian to offer me the means to go on for my Masters degree. I met Jesus around that period and received the call to return to my home country. I returned to work and marriage. My family and I have a good twelve years living in a small town that is called a city. Now I am back in the smog and noisy metropolitan area.
There are few ladies I count as good friends. One I met after I returned from US. She also just returned from four years in UK around then. We managed to meet and spend a fair amount of time together playing tennis and jogging during the week ends. I was married about six years ahead of her. We managed to keep up our friendship until I moved to Silver City. After that move it became increasingly difficult to keep in touch. Still we visited each other at least twice a year. Then she and her husband actually helped us locate our new house before we move back to the capital city.
As the years go by I noticed that her life became more and more dictated by money. As her business did not grow yearly because of her principle to be honest and above board, she looked into immigration. She told herself that she wants free university education for all her children. For that she gave up her business and become a salaried professional in her adopted country.
I know she inherited millions of our currency after the death of her mother. So she cannot claim to be poor or in need. Perhaps the fact that she married a gold digger husband who refused to work way before retirement age did not contribute to her life goal of accumulating more wealth. Lately she told me mournfully that no matter how much she tried to add to her nest egg, money seemed to come and then frittered away.
I listened to her frustration and I do understand her disappointment. But I don't know how to tell her that this is hardly the time to build up more earthly wealth. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her already bruised feelings. Perhaps as an immigrant in Australia, it is difficult to prosper as a salaried professional. Taxes are rather high. I do know that there is a lot of tension between husband and wife over money. Just to show you the level it went to is rather ridiculous: I used to drop by their place and invite myself for lunch before they left the country. One day their maid was told off for boiling three eggs more than was ordered because I turned up unexpectedly when they were not around. I used to enjoy talking to their children then. Let us think about it: how much does an egg cost a few years back? In a retail grocery store, it may cost thirty cents. But if we buy thirty in a super market, it merely costs twenty three cents. For 69 cents, the maid was reprimanded and I was embarrassed. There after, I brought my own lunch and a share more for the children if they fancy my food.
Each time she returned from Australia, she invited me to visit. I made all kinds of excuses. But the fact is I would hardly want to bunk in her house there. It would be too expensive to eat out for three meals a day. Yet I know better than to eat her food that she and her husband so carefully rationed. So you see, her love of money and my relative lack of it is blocking the friendship from growing deeper. It does not lead to evil yet, but neither is it helpful in this sort of circumstances.
Perhaps as I grow older, I need to be increasingly be on the look out for like minded people. I would not belong with anybody who loves money. I have little to contribute and no influence to help anyone increase their stock pile. It is sad that divergent paths force people to part. That is in spite of the fact that I still like them and we shared a lot in the past. I still wish them well.
Friday, October 14, 2011
(544) Beauty
In page 227 of Human by Michael Gazzaniga, we find that babies as young as six months old prefer to look at attractive faces. And here we mean that such attractive faces are the ones that adults prefer. This effect is independent of race, gender, as well as age. This indicates an innate sense of what a human judges to be attractive. ( Langlois, Ritter, Roggman, Vaughn. 1991. Facial diversity and infant preferences for attractive faces. Developmental Psychology 27)
But what is judged to be attractive? It is found that women who are attractive are also healthy, more feminine, as well as possess higher estrogen levels to be able to reproduce better. ( Lawsmith, Perrett, Jones, Cornwell, Moore, Feinberg, Boothroyd. 2006. Facial appearance is a cue to estrogen levels in women. Proceedings of the Royal Society in London, Series B: Biological Sciences 273)
It is interesting to note that sexual selection has provided an aesthetic concept for facial attractiveness.
But what is judged to be attractive? It is found that women who are attractive are also healthy, more feminine, as well as possess higher estrogen levels to be able to reproduce better. ( Lawsmith, Perrett, Jones, Cornwell, Moore, Feinberg, Boothroyd. 2006. Facial appearance is a cue to estrogen levels in women. Proceedings of the Royal Society in London, Series B: Biological Sciences 273)
It is interesting to note that sexual selection has provided an aesthetic concept for facial attractiveness.
(543) Incest among siblings
My brother passed a book to my niece who is a psychology major: Human by Michael S. Gazzaniga. It is mentioned in Chapter 4 The Moral Compass Within that all cultures on earth have incest taboo. But where does it come from? One may say that the off springs resulted from incest stand high probability of being deformed or having genetic shortcomings. Of course communities would make those who infringe this taboo outcasts. In ancient societies, being out casts means a shorter life span. As only a group of families of a certain size could survive in the jungle. In modern societies, such taboos are enforced by law. Individuals who commit such crimes are imprisoned.
In Israeli kibbutzim, unrelated children are brought up together, they formed lifelong friendships but very rarely marry. ( Shepher, J. 1983 Incest: A Biosocial view Academic Press) Yet in Taiwan, an ancient custom called shimpua marriage where a family raises the future wife of their son from infancy. These marriages often result in no off spring. It is thought that the partners do not find each other sexually appealing. ( Wolf, A.P. 1966 Childhood association and sexual attraction. American Anthropologist 70) Interestingly my maternal uncle who is in his late seventies rejected his shimpua and married someone else.
Edward Westermarck proposed in 1891 that humans have evolved an innate mechanism whose function is to discourage incest. By his nature, a person would be uninterested in or averse to having sex with those he had spent a lot of time with as a child.
Despite all that have been mentioned, incest among siblings still occur in my country. In the newspaper we find young females found to be pregnant, where the police and welfare officials traced it to forcible rapes by elder brothers or step brothers. It is difficult to find out if such siblings have been brought up together. But it is quite apparent that such crimes are often found with parents where the father is polygamous and the mother has been divorced and remarried.
In Israeli kibbutzim, unrelated children are brought up together, they formed lifelong friendships but very rarely marry. ( Shepher, J. 1983 Incest: A Biosocial view Academic Press) Yet in Taiwan, an ancient custom called shimpua marriage where a family raises the future wife of their son from infancy. These marriages often result in no off spring. It is thought that the partners do not find each other sexually appealing. ( Wolf, A.P. 1966 Childhood association and sexual attraction. American Anthropologist 70) Interestingly my maternal uncle who is in his late seventies rejected his shimpua and married someone else.
Edward Westermarck proposed in 1891 that humans have evolved an innate mechanism whose function is to discourage incest. By his nature, a person would be uninterested in or averse to having sex with those he had spent a lot of time with as a child.
Despite all that have been mentioned, incest among siblings still occur in my country. In the newspaper we find young females found to be pregnant, where the police and welfare officials traced it to forcible rapes by elder brothers or step brothers. It is difficult to find out if such siblings have been brought up together. But it is quite apparent that such crimes are often found with parents where the father is polygamous and the mother has been divorced and remarried.
(542) Foundation by Isaac Asimov
I must state here that I am not a science fiction fan. As I have taken the trouble to borrow as many books I can transport as well as read for my children, I ventured to read science fiction when my sons were young. I read "I Robot" by the same author when my eldest was about thirteen. That was a good thirteen years ago.
Until a few months ago, if you mention Isaac Asimov, I would not know who he was. But Elizabeth talked her father into taking her to a book fair. There they purchased low priced second hand books. Among those were the Foundation series.
I find myself reading three books in two days. Apart from eating and doing house work, I did not do anything else except reading. Now I understand why it was awarded the best all time series. Whether they were read as soon as they were written or a hundred years later, any logical reader would be attracted to it. I know I would read them again and again, looking for certain details and emphasis.
Is there such a field as "psychohistory"? Would it be known under another fancy name?
Until a few months ago, if you mention Isaac Asimov, I would not know who he was. But Elizabeth talked her father into taking her to a book fair. There they purchased low priced second hand books. Among those were the Foundation series.
I find myself reading three books in two days. Apart from eating and doing house work, I did not do anything else except reading. Now I understand why it was awarded the best all time series. Whether they were read as soon as they were written or a hundred years later, any logical reader would be attracted to it. I know I would read them again and again, looking for certain details and emphasis.
Is there such a field as "psychohistory"? Would it be known under another fancy name?
(541) Pricing
There are two food stalls in two different coffee shops near where I live. One has been there for years. A man runs it with his two maids. They open it at ten thirty in the morning and it pretty much stays open until at least eight pm.
When I was working full time for a few months, I used to stop by on the way home to buy one vegetable, one tofu and one meat dish for dinner. Depending on what I choose and how much I take, it would cost me between eight to fourteen dollars two years ago. There were days I would work late, my son Michael would have to run out and buy food for the rest of the family. He chose to buy from a new stall. Food was definitely tastier from this new place. At the peak of its popularity, food would be served at four fifteen and it would be sold out by six pm.
This is a good two years after the advent of the "new" stall. On days I do not cook, I still buy from the original stall. I notice that the "new" stall does not sell out quite so early now, because of its pricing policy.
For most Chinese food stalls, they would give slight discount to regular customers. This includes my original stall. But the owner of the "new" stall is different. He gives discounts to new customers. Once a person regularly purchases food from him, he charges a higher price. For a customer who is buying his own food, it might not be much: just fifty cents or a dollar more for each meal. However, a home maker buying food for a family of six might find paying four dollars more than the normal amount daily to be stiff. I presume some home makers who initially bought from him now either choose to buy elsewhere or decide to cook more often.
When I was working full time for a few months, I used to stop by on the way home to buy one vegetable, one tofu and one meat dish for dinner. Depending on what I choose and how much I take, it would cost me between eight to fourteen dollars two years ago. There were days I would work late, my son Michael would have to run out and buy food for the rest of the family. He chose to buy from a new stall. Food was definitely tastier from this new place. At the peak of its popularity, food would be served at four fifteen and it would be sold out by six pm.
This is a good two years after the advent of the "new" stall. On days I do not cook, I still buy from the original stall. I notice that the "new" stall does not sell out quite so early now, because of its pricing policy.
For most Chinese food stalls, they would give slight discount to regular customers. This includes my original stall. But the owner of the "new" stall is different. He gives discounts to new customers. Once a person regularly purchases food from him, he charges a higher price. For a customer who is buying his own food, it might not be much: just fifty cents or a dollar more for each meal. However, a home maker buying food for a family of six might find paying four dollars more than the normal amount daily to be stiff. I presume some home makers who initially bought from him now either choose to buy elsewhere or decide to cook more often.
(540) Paid labour vs family
A good percentage of my recycled clothes go to May, a Filipino maid friend of mine. She would take my installments, wash them and store them. A few months before she returns to her home town for breaks, she would ship them back. If all go according to plan, the box would arrive on her second day home. Each of her children picks up one or two items they desire, then the villagers and relatives would each be invited to pick one item. If there is any left over after the first week, then the persistent ones would get seconds. Of course the hundreds of pieces of clothing passed over these few years are not mine, they are from friends, relatives, neighbours and church members.
May is a very blessed maid for she has very kind and fair employers. Therefore when other maid friends complain, she could hardly understand the grounds for such complaints. For instance, they grouse about eating left over food. May actually could not throw out extra food in her employers' household. She is mindful that had she stayed on in her home town, there are two months a year that her family would have no funds to buy even the basic rice for food. She voluntarily requests her Mam not to buy take away food as she wants to eat the day before's left over.
While others grumbled about having to wash one or two car each day, May washes three daily without her employers having to ask her to. She puts it this way, the clean and shiny cars are a testament to the fact that her employers have an industrious maid at home. Should the day comes for any of the cars to be serviced, Mam or Sir would tell her not to wash it. As the service center would wash it.
Still one or two of her friends are not happy that they don't get eight hours of sleep every night. May thinks that when her Mam works late, the least she could do is to keep the soup warm. May would stay up to serve her when she returns. She no longer think that she is a paid maid with certain "rights". But rather May is a member of her Mam's family. Indeed this family is blessed with a loyal helper.
May is a very blessed maid for she has very kind and fair employers. Therefore when other maid friends complain, she could hardly understand the grounds for such complaints. For instance, they grouse about eating left over food. May actually could not throw out extra food in her employers' household. She is mindful that had she stayed on in her home town, there are two months a year that her family would have no funds to buy even the basic rice for food. She voluntarily requests her Mam not to buy take away food as she wants to eat the day before's left over.
While others grumbled about having to wash one or two car each day, May washes three daily without her employers having to ask her to. She puts it this way, the clean and shiny cars are a testament to the fact that her employers have an industrious maid at home. Should the day comes for any of the cars to be serviced, Mam or Sir would tell her not to wash it. As the service center would wash it.
Still one or two of her friends are not happy that they don't get eight hours of sleep every night. May thinks that when her Mam works late, the least she could do is to keep the soup warm. May would stay up to serve her when she returns. She no longer think that she is a paid maid with certain "rights". But rather May is a member of her Mam's family. Indeed this family is blessed with a loyal helper.
(539) Why we marry
People marry for different reasons. Some say love. Others choose to go for legitimate sex. Still one or two to beget heirs. In shot gun marriages it is because of the impending birth of a child.
I am looking at Zelda. She has a fairly long list of criteria for her husband-to-be. After waiting for seventeen years, she seems to find them all in one man. But funnily, out of the love-struck eyes, she realizes that she has higher earning power than him. Next she realizes that she is smarter than him.
If you are a practising Christian, then the word "submission" would not look foreign to you. That day she asked me how a woman who is smarter and who has higher earning capacity can submit to a "lesser" man.
There can be many answers to this question. Here I offer one possible version: In the first place, if brain power and earning capability are not included in the long list, then it is obvious that they are not that important to her. Next, if she can earn well and do not mind sharing it with a hard working but not a high income earner, there is no issue. If it is going to be a partnership situation in the proposed marriage, then even the imbalance in brain power is not going to be a problem. After all, she will fore see what he can't. As long as he loves her and looks out for her, she will have sufficient influence over him.
I am looking at Zelda. She has a fairly long list of criteria for her husband-to-be. After waiting for seventeen years, she seems to find them all in one man. But funnily, out of the love-struck eyes, she realizes that she has higher earning power than him. Next she realizes that she is smarter than him.
If you are a practising Christian, then the word "submission" would not look foreign to you. That day she asked me how a woman who is smarter and who has higher earning capacity can submit to a "lesser" man.
There can be many answers to this question. Here I offer one possible version: In the first place, if brain power and earning capability are not included in the long list, then it is obvious that they are not that important to her. Next, if she can earn well and do not mind sharing it with a hard working but not a high income earner, there is no issue. If it is going to be a partnership situation in the proposed marriage, then even the imbalance in brain power is not going to be a problem. After all, she will fore see what he can't. As long as he loves her and looks out for her, she will have sufficient influence over him.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
(538) Expectations
Our emotional state depends on what kind of expectations we have. Disagree? Let us look at the following case:-
Someone who owns two houses, one in her home country and another in the adoptive country. She came back to inspect her old residence. She expected her husband to check on her house whenever he returned. She expected her brother who house sits for her to watch over her house.
Unfortunately, her brother is a bad house sitter who added more junk to the house. Unhappily, her husband either did not notice or he ignored a leak when he returned some months ago. That leak in the roof led to a warp area in the wooden flooring. White ants set in. Now she needs to engage an anti-pest outfit to treat the problem.
She chastens her brother over his negligence. She blasted her husband over his tardiness. She worked herself into a sour mood. Actually all her out-bursts would do nothing to help the situation. The house belongs to her legally. Both her brother and husband has no direct interest. They might have treated her shabbily but they don't care how she feels. Any anger, sadness, or feelings of being let down is suffered by her alone. After all, if she can choose to be thankful that she discovered the condition before the house collapses, she would feel a lot better. Moreover, she has the means to right the problem. Shouldn't she look at the brighter side of things and be grateful to God?
And most important of all, she should fly back more often for a few days each year to ascertain that her nest in this side of the world is in good condition for her eventual retirement.
Someone who owns two houses, one in her home country and another in the adoptive country. She came back to inspect her old residence. She expected her husband to check on her house whenever he returned. She expected her brother who house sits for her to watch over her house.
Unfortunately, her brother is a bad house sitter who added more junk to the house. Unhappily, her husband either did not notice or he ignored a leak when he returned some months ago. That leak in the roof led to a warp area in the wooden flooring. White ants set in. Now she needs to engage an anti-pest outfit to treat the problem.
She chastens her brother over his negligence. She blasted her husband over his tardiness. She worked herself into a sour mood. Actually all her out-bursts would do nothing to help the situation. The house belongs to her legally. Both her brother and husband has no direct interest. They might have treated her shabbily but they don't care how she feels. Any anger, sadness, or feelings of being let down is suffered by her alone. After all, if she can choose to be thankful that she discovered the condition before the house collapses, she would feel a lot better. Moreover, she has the means to right the problem. Shouldn't she look at the brighter side of things and be grateful to God?
And most important of all, she should fly back more often for a few days each year to ascertain that her nest in this side of the world is in good condition for her eventual retirement.
(537) A virtuous woman
Here we look at two elderly women. A comes from a wealthy family. B comes from a poor family. A lost her mother but her father remarried three times. B lost her father and her mother remained a widow till death.
A is well educated for her age group and is trilingual. B has had a few years of night school and is only conversant in two Chinese dialects. We would think that A should have lasting advantage over B. The truth is not so.
A spent her life working at supplying money towards overseas education for her six children. B is a homemaker with no great ambition but loyally supports her children in whatever way she can. A thinks that she is smarter and better at earning money than all her children. Thus she lords it over them. So while A in turn quarrels and finds fault with each of her children, B is in harmonious relationships with her four children.
The final attitude difference is towards mobility. A refused to believe her deformed knees require surgery. In time to come, facts overcome her strong will, she ended up in a wheel chair. B is co-operative with her Doctors and is open to dietary changes as well as food supplementation. Her children encourage her to walk every morning. She steadfastly disciplines her body over pain and weakness. In her twilight years she has excellent stamina and walking ability. Considering she has had arthritis over twenty years, she is doing very well.
I will rephrase a Confucious saying: "A woman without any money making abilities is a virtuous woman".
A is well educated for her age group and is trilingual. B has had a few years of night school and is only conversant in two Chinese dialects. We would think that A should have lasting advantage over B. The truth is not so.
A spent her life working at supplying money towards overseas education for her six children. B is a homemaker with no great ambition but loyally supports her children in whatever way she can. A thinks that she is smarter and better at earning money than all her children. Thus she lords it over them. So while A in turn quarrels and finds fault with each of her children, B is in harmonious relationships with her four children.
The final attitude difference is towards mobility. A refused to believe her deformed knees require surgery. In time to come, facts overcome her strong will, she ended up in a wheel chair. B is co-operative with her Doctors and is open to dietary changes as well as food supplementation. Her children encourage her to walk every morning. She steadfastly disciplines her body over pain and weakness. In her twilight years she has excellent stamina and walking ability. Considering she has had arthritis over twenty years, she is doing very well.
I will rephrase a Confucious saying: "A woman without any money making abilities is a virtuous woman".
(536) Transport managers
When I was living in Silver City, I used to spend a fair amount of time sitting in my friend's car. She came from UK and married a local man. Her day consists of ferrying her children to schools and other activities.
Her daughter attended the town's premier Chinese School. As far ahead as one and a half hours before dismissal time, I saw a long line of cars parked under the trees. The group of chauffeur mothers would gather and socialize. I used to wonder why they were so free. But looking at the types of cars they drove, surely none of them need do any house work. They used to be outrageously dressed for talking under the trees. Those clothes cost plenty and are more designed for afternoon tea parties.
Now that I live in the capital city, the reverse is true. Hit any well known schools in the suburbs and you will find a bunch of fathers sitting in their cars reading newspapers at least two hours before dismissal time. Interestingly the earlier Chinese school I referred to is an elementary school. But this National school I am looking at now is a high school. Nobody ought to be afraid of little children wandering off out from a high school.
Perhaps females are social animals. Males in the waiting cars on every school day are barely on nodding terms with each other. My son Michael has this theory that their wives are high power CEOs in the capital. Since the husbands could not out earn the wives, they applied for early retirements and spend their leisurely time being chauffeurs to their precious children. But what a boring life! they burn lots of petrol keeping their cars cool and probably read the local dailies from front to back.
Her daughter attended the town's premier Chinese School. As far ahead as one and a half hours before dismissal time, I saw a long line of cars parked under the trees. The group of chauffeur mothers would gather and socialize. I used to wonder why they were so free. But looking at the types of cars they drove, surely none of them need do any house work. They used to be outrageously dressed for talking under the trees. Those clothes cost plenty and are more designed for afternoon tea parties.
Now that I live in the capital city, the reverse is true. Hit any well known schools in the suburbs and you will find a bunch of fathers sitting in their cars reading newspapers at least two hours before dismissal time. Interestingly the earlier Chinese school I referred to is an elementary school. But this National school I am looking at now is a high school. Nobody ought to be afraid of little children wandering off out from a high school.
Perhaps females are social animals. Males in the waiting cars on every school day are barely on nodding terms with each other. My son Michael has this theory that their wives are high power CEOs in the capital. Since the husbands could not out earn the wives, they applied for early retirements and spend their leisurely time being chauffeurs to their precious children. But what a boring life! they burn lots of petrol keeping their cars cool and probably read the local dailies from front to back.
(535) What we become
When Elizabeth was in elementary school, there was a girl in her class who admired her. Here we are going to talk about the girl's mother, whom I'll call Abby. I will compare her to Hailey, my present neighbour.
Both Abby and Hailey come from well-to-do families. Abby's father founded a successful building supplies store while Hailey's father used to run a railway supplies center. Years ago, before automatic promotion, students who failed the Grade 9 public examination could not continue in the public schools. Both Abby and Hailey failed their Grade 9 exam. Both went on to attend Accounts courses and ended up working in the Accounts Departments of their fathers' businesses.
Abby became a Christian and married a good looking but rather poor husband. Hailey adopted a Buddhist faith with a living founder. She too picked a poor husband who happened to come from across the sea. Both Abby and Hailey have siblings who have more than one degree. Both found it difficult to get along with their respective mothers and siblings once their father passed on.
At this point the similarities ended. Hailey has a very positive attitude to life and she has made many good friends wherever she goes. Abby has a tendency to be needy and drains whoever who befriends her. When I was living within walking distance to Abby many years ago, I used to dread walking past her house. Once I was standing at her gate talking to her, it was difficult to detach and leave.
I haven't met Abby's daughter for years. From her Face book account, my daughter said that she was still running after her illusive idols. It is significant that Hailey who has accepted her lot in life has a daughter who is self-assured and is rather popular among the children of her parents' Buddhist friends.
From the comparison I see that it is not what past we have that determines our future. But rather how we accept it, make use of all we have to the best of our ability and continue to look at the positive that matters in the long run.
Both Abby and Hailey come from well-to-do families. Abby's father founded a successful building supplies store while Hailey's father used to run a railway supplies center. Years ago, before automatic promotion, students who failed the Grade 9 public examination could not continue in the public schools. Both Abby and Hailey failed their Grade 9 exam. Both went on to attend Accounts courses and ended up working in the Accounts Departments of their fathers' businesses.
Abby became a Christian and married a good looking but rather poor husband. Hailey adopted a Buddhist faith with a living founder. She too picked a poor husband who happened to come from across the sea. Both Abby and Hailey have siblings who have more than one degree. Both found it difficult to get along with their respective mothers and siblings once their father passed on.
At this point the similarities ended. Hailey has a very positive attitude to life and she has made many good friends wherever she goes. Abby has a tendency to be needy and drains whoever who befriends her. When I was living within walking distance to Abby many years ago, I used to dread walking past her house. Once I was standing at her gate talking to her, it was difficult to detach and leave.
I haven't met Abby's daughter for years. From her Face book account, my daughter said that she was still running after her illusive idols. It is significant that Hailey who has accepted her lot in life has a daughter who is self-assured and is rather popular among the children of her parents' Buddhist friends.
From the comparison I see that it is not what past we have that determines our future. But rather how we accept it, make use of all we have to the best of our ability and continue to look at the positive that matters in the long run.
(534) Linkages
For many years, I thought that my work with adults who have learning disabled past started in my capital city. Lately I realized that it was not so. What I used to term as "listening and encouraging a depressed individual" was actually sitting with and helping an adult who due to her negative experiences growing up has lost the will to deal with the complexities in life of having an abusive spouse and difficult children.
What changed my mind was what the relatives of both ladies said. The lady in Silver City is a retired accountant. Then she was so depressed that for days she could not find the energy to brush her long curly hair. I used to sit with her in public having coffee. Then on the journey back, my daughter who saw her dropping me off asked why was Auntie so and so having her shirt on inside out. One day her sister-in-law thanked me for befriending her and helping to keep her sane. As this older lady saw it, I could choose to befriend others who are neatly dressed and properly groomed. Last week, Zelda's mother said the exact same thing to me. In this case, Zelda is out of her mental oppression. She is usually beautifully turned out. But according to her mother, I could have chosen to befriend another person who does not talk so arrogantly. I did not argue with the old lady about her daughter's arrogance. Only I saw it as a defense mechanism.
For the first time in the many years I have known her, Zelda confessed that she was a hyperactive kid and has had brain concussion twice. That is not surprising considering she would climb coconut palms and even the soft trunk papaya trees for fruits. Perhaps that accounts for her selective memory. Certain things that I could recall merely falls out of the sieve in her memory center. It has puzzled me for a long time, for she is essentially an honest person: why she could conveniently forget certain events. Though she wants to confess the positive only, that day she admitted that an adult in her past would probably see her as mildly autistic as a child.
What changed my mind was what the relatives of both ladies said. The lady in Silver City is a retired accountant. Then she was so depressed that for days she could not find the energy to brush her long curly hair. I used to sit with her in public having coffee. Then on the journey back, my daughter who saw her dropping me off asked why was Auntie so and so having her shirt on inside out. One day her sister-in-law thanked me for befriending her and helping to keep her sane. As this older lady saw it, I could choose to befriend others who are neatly dressed and properly groomed. Last week, Zelda's mother said the exact same thing to me. In this case, Zelda is out of her mental oppression. She is usually beautifully turned out. But according to her mother, I could have chosen to befriend another person who does not talk so arrogantly. I did not argue with the old lady about her daughter's arrogance. Only I saw it as a defense mechanism.
For the first time in the many years I have known her, Zelda confessed that she was a hyperactive kid and has had brain concussion twice. That is not surprising considering she would climb coconut palms and even the soft trunk papaya trees for fruits. Perhaps that accounts for her selective memory. Certain things that I could recall merely falls out of the sieve in her memory center. It has puzzled me for a long time, for she is essentially an honest person: why she could conveniently forget certain events. Though she wants to confess the positive only, that day she admitted that an adult in her past would probably see her as mildly autistic as a child.
(533) Returning relative
A relative returned from Australia. She has been working there for a few years. Having to cook and do her own house work (for it is not the Australian way of life to have foreign maids), she claims to have no time to e-mail and keep in touch with friends back here.
I was surprised that she wanted to come back for more than two weeks. After all, it is either scathing hot or it rains until the low lying areas get flooded. Well, I guess if she wants to have a habitable house here to live in by 2021, she has to up keep her old abode now.
Once a person migrates, those who are left behind fall into other schedules or rhythms. At most I'll find time to chat over a meal. After that, the visitor would have to look unto others to provide companionship. If I could drop by her place at will, come and go according to my schedule; I would visit her now and again. But she said her living area is too cluttered to accommodate guests. I would rather not open my place to her day and night. I have found that once a free visitor with no fix time table sits in my place, it is extremely difficult to get her out. A few times I have to invent an appointment to shoo folks off so I can have my own time and space back. You may think I am anti social. But that is not really the point. I am social enough if I am in control of when to be with others and when to leave to return to my books.
I was surprised that she wanted to come back for more than two weeks. After all, it is either scathing hot or it rains until the low lying areas get flooded. Well, I guess if she wants to have a habitable house here to live in by 2021, she has to up keep her old abode now.
Once a person migrates, those who are left behind fall into other schedules or rhythms. At most I'll find time to chat over a meal. After that, the visitor would have to look unto others to provide companionship. If I could drop by her place at will, come and go according to my schedule; I would visit her now and again. But she said her living area is too cluttered to accommodate guests. I would rather not open my place to her day and night. I have found that once a free visitor with no fix time table sits in my place, it is extremely difficult to get her out. A few times I have to invent an appointment to shoo folks off so I can have my own time and space back. You may think I am anti social. But that is not really the point. I am social enough if I am in control of when to be with others and when to leave to return to my books.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)