(514) Politeness

I have an old school friend who often gives expensive treats to Elizabeth and I. Being a conscientious mom, I would make sure Elizabeth sends appreciative notes after the events.

One day, I was in her palatial home. She received a sweet thank you note from her friend who came for lunch just an hour ago. I have noted that the lady in question came with a little something in hand too. To me, it was really good manners. But to my friend, she would rather those whom she sees regularly not follow Miss Manners to the dot. She reasons it this way, she merely cooks a little more and have some delightful company to share it with. It was a win-win situation and nobody loses.

After analyzing it, I realised that my friend's husband is in business. Her friend's husband is a banker. Could it be that the banker's wife is being circumspect and not wanting to owe any favours. Otherwise, it would be hard for her husband to turn down a loan application from my friend's husband.

(513) Happily ever after?

I have been hibernating in my brother's house for many days. Just yesterday I heard my mum talking on the phone with her old friend who was her co workers from her early twenties. Now I know from whom I have inherited my listening skills.

It was a kind of one-sided conversation. Apparently my mum's friend was lonely and needed sympathy. Her husband left her alone in their house. He went on one of his many do-good trips to Thailand. Why was it that a healthy and active old lady not follow her husband there? Oh! He seemed to walk too fast and each time she was left behind, she was terrified of being lost in a foreign country. When she complained about it, her children told her not to go with him unless there is another person who would wait for her.

We are talking about a couple who have celebrated their golden anniversary. I wonder if there are any really happily married couple who are both above seventy years old in town? I have met a few in America. Lately, I haven't come across any in this mega city.

(512) Collectors?

I have a cousin who collects guitars. My husband asked how many guitars does he own? His answer was interesting: "Officially twenty three." Apparently he invariably kept that number at home but keeps the rest away from his wife's eyes.

My girl friend collects shoes. At last count she has sixty three pairs. Another collects hand bags. At her death, there were forty five. A third one collects books. She owns a few thousands stored safely in boxes with moth balls in her spare room.

My husband's friend is a geek. He kept buying the latest gadgets. In order to find room for the new items, he gave away the not so old ones to brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces. I suppose it is better than gambling or taking drugs. But one can imagine the thousands he spent chasing after the latest technology. It is just as well that he has a high income.

Here I want to bring in a New York celebrity chef: Marc Samuelsson. He was born and orphaned in Ethiopia. His sister and him were adopted and brought up in Sweden. His adoptive parents obviously spent their hard earned money transforming these two orphans' lives. I wonder if they still find the time and money to collect items. No, don't get me wrong! I am not really against collecting beautiful and meaningful items. I am merely pointing out that those with great resources are responsible for the wise disposal of it.

(511) Stowaway by Karen Hesse

It took me many weeks to wade through a journal-like book. I can't say it is badly written. The only thing is that it makes tedious reading. Yet I am not willing to let it go as I know I am learning new facts about sailing round the world centuries ago.

I am amazed that the author actually accessed journals kept by sea captain and naturalist in order to gather materials to write a fictional account of the journey through the eyes of a stowaway. I may be willing to struggle through hundreds of pages to learn new facts, but I have no great love for the sea. And I won't dream of going through reams of decaying documents to sieve through historical data.

If you are interested to find out how it is like to be on Captain Cook's first journey which he discovered Australia, this is a good book to read. It was a by gone age where a boy in his early teen could be signed on to work on such a ship. Many able body sea men died of tropical diseases while Nicholas Young lived to join Joseph Banks on a journey to Iceland.

(510) Crime Zero by Michael Cordy

This is a book that I read quite a number of years ago. I read it again the last few days and found that I have actually forgotten everything in it except the scene that we found thirteen nude bodies of teenagers preserved in aquariums filled with formalin.

With genetic therapy at a very advanced state now, it is possible that there is technology here today to do what was claimed in the book. Suppose if there are experts with sufficient finance, I can see in my mind's eye that a pathogen could be released in major airports through the air filters targeted at any group predetermined by the designer.

It is one thing to test gene therapy on death row convicts that bring them to death sooner. It is another to kill off all adult male universally within three years. This idea brought to mind one of the countries described in Journey to the West: a country made up of females only. The only difference between the two books is: in Crime Zero, boys before puberty would be allowed to live and pass on their modified genes to their offspring.

It seems that we are too clever by half. A lone gun man who may be insane could massacre between sixty to seventy people within an afternoon. Sorry I did  not keep up to date with the much revised number of casualty in Norway. Our fire power far out stripped our security and justice systems. I simply cannot equate that number of lives to no death penalty and a maximum of 21 years in jail, really I don't care if some psychiatrists diagnose him as insane. Suppose if those countries with such technology do not find a way to safe guard the use, then a few key individuals could be the cause of millions of deaths.

(509) The witness for Prosecution by Agatha Christie

This book is made up of eleven short stories. I have read the last five stories in other collections.

The first story is used as the name of this book. A weak-will man who was low in financial water was arrested for murder. He told his solicitor that his live-in partner would give him an alibi. But the lady in question denied it. She in fact took the trouble to put up a convincing show to force the jury and all in court to wrestle out a reluctant admission out of her that he came home at the time he claimed. As a result he got off.

The Red Signal explores the field of premonition and insanity. It is not unheard of that some could sense some danger ahead and thus could escape unscathed. For the uninitiated, it may not be easy to pick up a cunning insane mind. Fortunately, the insane person killed himself in the struggle. His wife finally could go to the deceased's good friend.

In The Fourth Man, we find a lawyer, a canon, a mental specialist and a man who grew up in the same home as a woman who was found with multiple personalities. It was through the fourth person's special knowledge that the other three could guess at what actually happened to lead the woman in question to strangle herself to death.

In S.O.S. a chanced visitor to an isolated cottage was an answered prayer to an adopted daughter of the family. A murder was planned to the last detail to kill off the target so that the biological daughter could claim an inheritance. Indeed the love of money could lead to evil.

Where There is a Will is a story of how a young man plotted and planned his way out of a huge fortune. Should he be able to leave the old lady alone, she could have died within a short time. It was ironic that one who set a trap did fall into it himself.

I find it difficult to believe The Mystery of the Blue Jar could be a true story. But with a beautiful girl and a cunning "mental specialist", I suppose anything is possible.

In Sing a Song of Sixpence, we have a retired lawyer used his experience to solve a murder. The answer is tied to a new coin that was mentioned by one of  the witnesses.

We have The Mystery of the Spanish Shawl in which  a young man was ripped of everything in his apartment.

In Philomel Cottage a woman was able to save her own life from being taken by her husband, a serial killer.

In Accident, someone who was able to recognise a repeat killer was killed in trying to prevent a further murder. Or so he thought! In fact the murderess did not want to kill her husband but had to kill again to prevent her identity from being uncovered.

The Second Gong was rewritten into a longer story: A Mirror cracked from Side to Side.

(508) Packing for a trip

I visited two sisters. The elder has a college age daughter. After the daughter took out clothes for a trip, her mother has to pack it for the journey.

The younger sister has a seven year old son. During the last school holidays, he went with his Sunday School teacher and a few classmates to visit  a daughter church in another state. While relating how a child has to learn skills, I encouraged the younger sister to start training her son to learn to make lists and to pack his things with the mother's help.

From my own experience, seven is a good age to start. First let the child be present and witness how things are gathered and packed. The second time around, hand a list to let him gather what he would need. Then pack them into the bag or case, depending how much the child wants to do. Gradually, the child does more, and the parent less. Finally, the parent should make sure the list is complete and perhaps view the case before it is closed and then locked.

By the time a child is about twelve, he or she should be capable enough to independently pack for a school trip or a youth camp lasting a few days.

(507) Gun man

Here I am, sitting in front of the TV. Instead of typing straight into Blogspot, I am writing long hand.

My sibling and family went for a vacation. I am house sitting, making sure my mother is not alone. When I heard from CNN that a bomb detonated in Oslo, my heart skipped a beat. It was a good thing that on that day they were in another European country. As soon as I figured that out, I thanked God and said a prayer committing their safety to God. My mum agreed with me in prayer. Who would have expected such wholesale bloodletting in a Scandinavian country? On satelite TV, they claimed at least 80 deaths in that summer camp of the youth wing of the ruling party.

The poor, unfortunate parents of those youth who were shot at by a lone gun man wearing police uniform! May the murderer be caught soon. Please let the injured be safe. It is tragic that so many young lives were snuffed prematurely in one afternoon!

(506) a Twist in the Tale by Jeffrey Archer

This book reminds me about Tales of the Unexpected by Roald Dahl. The interesting part is that ten of the twelve tales were true!

The Perfect Murder
My grandma used to say that adulterers have higher chances than an average person to be murdered. This story amply illustrated her theory. It is quite unexpected that a married man would expect his mistress to be faithful to him. But I suppose it does not take a lot for a man to kill a woman, especially in a moment of rage. Elizabeth and I both wondered aloud if  it was a true story. We hope not. It would be unfair for a real murderer to escape scot free in this world. But surely he could not escape from the Higher Judge.

Clean Sweep Ignatius
My palm sweated when I read of the bank manager being threatened by a hand gun. Surely the confidentiality of banking would not be carried to such extreme! Yet without such bank secret accounts, we would not have such poor countries like Indonesia with lots of natural resources. It is difficult to find men with political power who are not corrupt. Where we find such men, we would find a nation that is beyond riches, like Singapore.

A La Carte
Would not teenagers think their parents old fashion or crazy to be ambitious for them? I wonder when was the turning point for the young man in the story? At the moment when  he turned around to walk back to the hotel? Elizabeth's counseling teacher said that she practically had to nag her son to apply for the first scholarship. Finally she had to apply on his behalf and did everything for him. The earlier ones he did not win. The one that enabled him to back pack in Europe last summer was the one that his mum applied for against his wishes.
 
Elizabeth have obtained a place in my old college with 60% aid. However, she did not win the American Chamber of Commerce scholarship. Unless a miracle occurs, she will go to a local government university near where we live. Alternatively, we are still waiting to see if she is on the waiting list of a University in China. So far, no news could be good news.

Not the Real Thing
This is an unlikely story of how a vain man lost his costly and beautiful medal. It is futile for a commoner to try his best to appear lordly in front of a Monarch. Does a medal awarded to a person belongs to him or the monarch?

Just Good Friends
I was fooled until the last moment when the author finally mentioned about the female's tail. It was natural to assume that this pub customer picked up a homeless female who part timed for the pub owner.

The Steal
I have met a few couples like the Kendall-Humes, rich, loud, confident, generous to a fault ... Personally I prefer them to strait laced old money folks. Unwittingly, they have paid four times the real price for their inferior carpet. And the Rogers had gotten their "steal". They paid five hundred for something worth five thousand. I suppose every party wins. The carpet dealer made excellent profit even though he practically gave one away to the Rogers. The Kendall-Humes thought they made a fantastic bargain. And the Rogers knew they had a bargain.

Colonel Bullfrog
It was amazing to have the Japanese rose from the ashes and the humiliation of the Second World War to become an industrial power. By a series of co-incidences, it would not be too far fetched to imagine this being a true story.

Checkmate
Perhaps the pickings were lean in other places. It was unusual that a lady in the trade would choose to pick her fool in a chess competition. She must have learned her skills in chess since childhood. She must be quite good to able to pretend to lose convincingly so many times with a chess president.

Honour among Thieves
I find it difficult to believe a person can tell a vintage by vineyard and year. They exist, I am sure. Barker did not lose any money over losing the bet. He had two good meals and some excellent wines in the bargain. The only thing that would pierce his side constantly would be that fool Hamilton laughing at him over his "inability to name the wines" from Hamilton's cellar. But I suppose Barker has the last laugh.

A Chapter of Accidents
If this is a true story, I find it ironic that Travers suffered a nasty accident for only making a pass at a lady. Of course he had it coming to him, for bedding many women in town behind their husbands' backs. Take heed: "Any intended victim who has a regular routine immediately makes himself more vulnerable." (Conan Doyle)

The Loophole
I have never heard that a successful litigant need not pay tax at all on damages received in a civil case. Is that true in UK or USA? Philip who paid tax at the highest rate could expense off the loss because the person who sued him for libel once worked for him. I have not been able to figure out why he would not be able to do it otherwise.

Christina Rosenthal
The modern Romeo and Juliet! For parents who held to their beliefs that their children should not marry certain races, this is a warning! Not unless they would prefer untimely deaths rather than gain a son or daughter-in-law whom they do not accept.

(505) Random Hearts by Warren Adler

Adler is an author of many books. It looks like the most well known is The War of Roses. Random Hearts is a motion picture.

In the story a married woman had an affair with a married man. They were both very careful and thought their spouses would not find out. Unfortunately their flight to a stolen holiday ended as a tragic wreck in the Potomic River. Since they were traveling under fictitious names, their bodies were kept for days before their identities were traced. Meanwhile, their respective faithful spouses suffered.

The book dealt in details how this man and woman reacted to their respective spouses' deceit. In the end, something good came out of the tragedy. They developed feelings for each other and decided to face the future as a couple.

Normally, a widow faced her grief at her husband's death. This particular widow was overwhelmed by her anger at being cheated for more than a year. Similarly, the widower had to deal with grief as well as anger. For him, it was worse. He found that his deceased wife chose to conceive a child with her lover. It really hurt him as she had refused to have a child with him for many years. The flip side of love is hate. The book ended as heroine decided to forgive the deceitful deceased male.

(504) Courtship

The other day I was watching a movie on cable TV. Since I was channel surfing when I hit the movie, I only watched about three quarters of it. Elizabeth and my mother joined me at the half way point. The main actress was very attractive. I really enjoyed seeing her in many outfits.

From the way the director was handling the movie, we saw the main actor pursuing the heroine. Yet at the end of the movie, the attractive actress revealed to her grandma that she had been eying the guy ever since she noticed him visiting his grandpa pretty often in her grandma's retirement home. She set about to plan to meet him seemingly by chance. Then she attracted him by some scheming and played hard to get after the incident. In the movie, he was caught and caught for all time. (If I see the movie again I will note the name to record here.)

When Elizabeth was in her good friend's house, a few teenagers and I talked about courtship. Elizabeth and I mentioned about this movie and the idea it put forward. Her friend, Vivien, agreed totally that nowadays guys are like that. It takes ingenuity to attract one desirable male and it takes more manipulation to catch him.

Thinking back, I was  really fortunate that I did not need to scheme and manipulate. I had two direct proposals four years apart. I accepted the second one and got married. In between I know if had hung on longer I would have gotten another two proposals. The very first offer was from a man much older than I was. If I had accepted him I would have become the lady boss of a big Chinese Restaurant near the Rockies. Another likely contender was a Navy pilot. The third was a rich developer's son who held a Green Card to Canada. I am glad that I don't have to plot and scheme to catch my prince.

While I am still on the topic, I am tickled to mention a novel way to catch a boy : as in Meg Cabot's All American Girl. In the book we have Samantha Madison declaring on National TV that she would like the rumours about her and the First Son being an item to be true. That certainly beats rescuing the President from being shot at.

(503) The Capture by Kathryn Lasky

When I first saw this book, I thought I would just read a few pages and see if it is worth my time. Surprisingly, it is a captivating read. I learned many little facts about owls and birds in general.

It is the story of a undersized bird who would never be able to fly normally. She chose to use her disability for some noble purpose. In this case, she pretended to be an owlet and infiltrated into enemy camp to save eggs. In the end, she died as a heroine defending an egg she was rescuing through an eagle. Instead of being an odd single owl depending on other owls' charity for food, she became a role model in her country, Ambala. Her name, Hortense, became the most frequently used name in that land.

None of us are perfect. As pre-teens, most people have probably felt handicapped in one way or another. With such books published by Scholastic, no one needs to feel marginalized by any handicap, instead, we could rise above any handicap to be all that we can be, like Hortense.

(502) Holding on to the listener

On page 34 of Personality Plus we find Popular Sanguine as warm and physical people. "they frequently hold on to the people they are talking to in order to be in close contact and to make sure their audience doesn't get away.

Thank goodness Elizabeth does not have this trait! But in The Secret of Chimneys by Agatha Christie, we find "Lomax had the unpleasant habit of retaining a hold upon a person with whom he was engaged in serious conversation ... a firm grip of the the lapel of Lord Caterham's coat."

In real life I have come across my fair share of sanguine who talked fast and furious. So far I have not been a captive audience of a compulsive talker like Lomax yet.

(501) Personality plus by Florence Littauer

Since I brought up the four basic personalities in my last blog, I thought I would share a little on this book. Some neighbours moved away from my neighbourhood. They threw away a box of books. Sad to say, I didn't hear of it until too late. The garbage collector took them. A maid, who is my friend, rescued two and gave them to me. One I donated to my church library. The other is the above-mentioned.

I heard about this basic four personality grouping from Elizabeth's Kindergarten teacher. When my eldest went to work, he bought a book by Tim LaHaye: I think it was Spirit filled Temperaments. I flipped through most of the pages over a few years but perhaps because I was dense, I could not appreciate it.

Elizabeth is very introspective. She read Spirit filled temperaments more than once to search into her own make up. As she was reading Personality Plus, she read me numerous sections. This time I could see how it applies into my life and how it seemed to be describing some of my close friends. I hope it will give me an insight into the people whom I am trying to understand. And it will give me ideas as to motivating them to draw on God's gracious healing provision. To a greater or lesser extent, most of us are wounded people. Most of us in the church need healing before we can be effective in our unique ministries.

(500) Movies - happy endings?

Elizabeth ended her temporary work at the legal firm. As youth meeting was cancelled today, she has the rare opportunity to indulge herself in a movie marathon.

She emerged from in front of the TV and DVD player to gulp down her breakfast. Meanwhile, she complained about movies that ended sadly. For one, she would not pay for any movie that did not end happily. In reply, I told her that the Hollywoods of this world run on box office cash. If the majority of the paying audience demand a realistic ending to most movies, directors and producers would comply. After all, money makes the world go round.

Even though we talk of sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic as 4 groups of personalities. In actual fact, I suspect that popular sanguine is well below one sixth of the population. We need lots of choleric, just like in a beehive we need thousands of worker bees. Elizabeth thinks she is more of a popular sanguine than a powerful choleric. She loves fairy tales and happy endings.

Looking back, I was probably a popular sanguine when I was a child. Since 18 I have deliberately decided to change. Now I am more of a phlegmatic looking on things happening from the fringe most of the time. In order to write, I guarded my time so that I have the peace and leisure to reflect in order to write down my thoughts and feelings. I need to learn to talk less, to listen and think more.

(499) Hacking stones

In Brisingr by Christopher Paolini, we find a stone forest in Mount Thardur. (page 418) The ancestor that found the stone forest had his masons chisel out nearly fifty trees. "It has also become a tradition to send troublesome offspring here to chisel out a tree or two while under the supervision of a master mason."

We could benefit from this today with our youth who are angry. Unspent anger often find outlets that either harm others or the person himself. But not many have the opportunity to chop trees or chisel stones. Most of us who get angry could speed on the highway or bang our computer desk.

We still have games. But only those with good co-ordination  play games on a regular basis. Modern civilization does have its limitations!

(498) Upbringing 53

Some children are like wild horses. When my brother went to school, my mother actually brought a cane to present to his teacher in front of him. She wisely told the teacher that the cane was meant for hitting my brother's arms and legs should my brother show disrespect. The middle age teacher was smart enough to place her hand on my brother's shoulder and said that she would be honoured to keep it to punish other pupils. She said that she was sure my brother would prove to be her best student, and he did. My brother was fortunate to be given an expert rider who knew how to break him in gently.

When Elizabeth went to school, she had some problems with the discipline of sitting for hours listening. When she was having disturbed sleep and dreaded going to school, I knew it was time to visit the class teacher. Remember that period of time I was visiting the public library at least once a week? I located a small volume of old folk tales and poems in the national language. Since it was out of print, I made two copies of it before returning. I brought one copy as a gift to Elizabeth's class. I must have a likely reason to visit without seeming to complain or spy. I know she would welcome the book because earlier she had copied a similar poem on the board as an exercise for the class to work on.

After presenting the copy, I told her how much I appreciate her effort in teaching my daughter literature at such a young age. Then I casually asked her if Elizabeth had been difficult or disobedient. She told me candidly that she really likes to teach my daughter as she is very quick to grasp concepts. Since Elizabeth is fast in finishing her work, she placed the girl next to a slower child to be helped. However, some times Elizabeth would stare at the teacher in a hostile manner. Since we are in Asia, the teacher wants to teach my child to look down instead of challenging an elder. Immediately I saw the problem.

The few nights after the visit, I enlisted the help of my older children. My bed time stories all involved  a young maid meeting a King, a princess, a witch and  a Premier. With my plots involving the actions of an untrained maid of tender years, and the reactions of the powers that be. The stories illustrates the terrible things that could happen to the young girl should there be no one to intervene. The persons to help the girl could be the Chamberlain, a lady in waiting, the black cat or an adviser. I remember Michael asking the right questions at the right points, and Keziah guessing the outcomes quite correctly. And we all awaited Elizabeth to state the moral of the fairy tale. By the fourth night she could tell me that it is not smart of her to look defiantly at her teacher, even if her teacher had been unfair in punishing her class. She could agree with me that at the tense moments, it is more prudent to look down and escape the wrath that would pass.

This stage of teaching took a few months, I did not push too hard. All in, I visited about four times. I learned to appreciate the commitment of this Grade One teacher. She had come to regard me as a friend. I am glad to say that from that point on, Elizabeth was quite a delight to her many teachers. She was particularly loved after we moved back to the capital, where the children of the upwardly mobile and brash new-wealth parents pale in comparison. Somehow a respectful spirit and humility in heart outshone any intellect, gifts, athletic prowess and leadership qualities.

(497) Upbringing 52

Now that all my children are safely out of the school system, I finally can say my piece!

It is not unusual to read of a parent slapping or assaulting his or her child's teacher in the newspaper. Even if the teacher concerned has done the unforgivable, it is still wrong for any parent to touch the child's teacher. Such an act would destroy the child.

Let me bring up an instance:

A close friend of mine sent her children to a Chinese medium primary school. Such schools are well known for strict discipline. My friend's husband is well to do. He is a busy and important man. She is busy in her own right over a lot of concerns that may not help either of her children. Both children are disorganized. No one teach them to pack bags or how to keep track of important documents. One day he lost his fund raising card for the Scouts. Much as the house hold searched, it was not found. Perhaps it was really eaten by the puppy. This poor boy was called up at assembly and humiliated in front of the whole school. He came home crying, I think he was barely eight years old.

His father heard of it and went to school to complain about the inhuman punishment. The entire affair ended up with him endowing the school with quite big sum of donation. But the damage was done. Some teachers made it a point to pick on the son as someone not to be trusted. Others pointedly ignored him as they saw that the father was trying to bribe them. A few would be artificially sweet to him whenever it was school fund raising time as such schools need donations from well wishers and were not fully government funded.

A few years later, the parents had to pull both children out to place them in a private school. Both children developed very defensive attitudes and were difficult to teach. The boy was depressed by the jealousy of peers and angered by the treatment of his teachers.

In retrospect, a girl in Keziah's school lost her card, the girl's mother went to school to see the class teacher and apologised. They were fined less than a hundred dollars and the matter was settled. While a boy in Michael's school lost his card, he was required to make a police report. He was grilled in the Assistant Principle's room and he parted with what he remembered he had collected. Both these schools teach in the National language. Hence the difference in culture in student treatment.

(496) Language Learning

Although I had English classes in Elementary school, my English vocabulary was far less than 500 at age 13. How did I know that? It was because I borrowed a Enid Blyton Blue Dragon book from a classmate but could not understand it.

Many people found it difficult to believe that English was my weakest language for many years. I really worked long and hard at improving it. Lately I have been spending time watching documentaries to improve my pronunciation.

I used to carry a little pocket diary everywhere I went. In the diary I recorded every new English word I come across. Whenever I have any free time, I would check my small English-Chinese dictionary and record the meaning. If I happened to have friends with me who can help me, I would ask them how to pronounce the new word. Once I caught the pronunciation, I would say it ten times and then write it down in my own phonetic symbols. While waiting for buses, I would be reading this and committing everything to memory.

Every week I make myself read one English book. If that week was after exam, it would be a thicker book. Otherwise I would choose a thin simplified volume. Even if for whatever reason I missed reading a book, I would make up during the school holidays.

On Sunday I force myself to go through the Editor's commentary. It was laborious! First I read through the entire article, underlining words I have not learned. Next I would check for the meanings and write it next to the word as well as add it to my pocket diary. Then I would go through the article with the meanings in mind. Last of all, I would read the article aloud.

My uncle in China sent a small transistor radio when my grandma visited him. Every night at eleven o'clock I would listen to one hour of The Voice of America broadcast in bed. That tiny radio served me well for about three years. During the holidays I would tune to BBC or the Australia Broadcasting Corporation. My family was too poor to own a TV until my eldest sibling went out to work. Till this day I am not good at catching conversations in movies. I prefer to watch movies with subtitle in another language.

In school I would cultivate friends who would speak to me in English. I particularly appreciate Indian friends who speak English at home. They are good in English and most willing to help me.

From the age 14 to 18 I kept diaries. The earlier pages in my first diary were almost entirely in Chinese. By the time I hit 17, most of everything written was in English except a word here and there that I could not think of an English equivalent.

So you can see, my abilities are hard earned. It seemed worthwhile now as I can definitely reach a wider readership in English than Chinese.

(495) My prof

I have a Computer lecturer whom I respected. One day we were talking about the difference between American and Chinese culture in the use of married and maiden name. Upon marriage, my college friend changed her bank account and driver's license to her husband's family name. Whereas I would retain my father's family name in my passport, driver's license and any legal ID. And I asked if her surname was her ex-husband's or her father's.

Apparently she kept her husband's name until her younger child was twenty one. Then she reverted to her father's name. It was interesting that her divorce was amicable. She just got to the point she could not go on as an appendage of her ex. She chose marriage and children. Yet she did not give up working. It was not easy to survive in the IT field. As soon as she obtained her Master's, she opted for college teaching. That eliminated overtime and traveling on business. All the while she was married, she kept immaculate house and cooked like the ladies in Woman's Weekly. Being a serious lecturer who gives her best, having no household help and being a hands-on mother as well as a good wife who entertains to further her husband's ambition, she had hardly a moment to call her own.

She laughed when she related how she used to chew her sandwich in the car and used her lunch hour to scrub her Master bedroom toilet and bath so as to ensure her husband had a clean and dry bathroom to use at all times. I could not believe my ears: that seemed so unlike what I expected from an American woman. Now that I have been married a quarter of a century, I do see childhood friends who would do anything to keep their married state.

It is sad that the more a woman bends to suit her husband, the more her man seems to demand. My lecturer reached a stage where if she continue to bend, she would either lose her sanity or her identity and become her husband's slave. She stopped, applied for sabbatical and took her children to her place of research for the summer. After having some leisure and a stock-take of her busy life, she talked her ex into a no fault divorce. They have joint custody of the children, she kept them during term time and he kept them during the holidays, at least until he remarried and begot other children. He actually remarried as soon as the divorce was final. That makes me wonder if he had been cheating his wife on the side. My lecturer was still single when I met her. It was refreshing that there was no bitterness in her. She was grateful that her marriage to that man produced two lovely off springs. She felt that her life was full and she had no regrets.

(494) Subjugation

Our accountant friend was making a phone call during our high tea. She sounded harassed and was trying to find out details for her own appointment later in the evening. Once her call ended, Mei asked why did she not know what she was supposed to do with the client in her own meeting?

The reply was that her husband made the appointment for her. He told her about it as soon as he reached home the day before. At that time she was working at her computer and could not leave the program. As he was telling her, he kept walking away and she could not hear what he said after he turned a corner and walked into the kitchen. She concentrated on her own task and thought she would ask him later. When she looked for him, he was taking a bath. Next they were having dinner and other issues with the children claimed their attention. She forgot all about it until the following afternoon.

Comments were made. It seemed that all the women gathered there have at one time or other had to run after their husband to make sure they do not miss out on important information. One or two of them hated to have to off cooking fire to go ask for missing info. Others often had to switch off the electric iron to leave the room to hear the rest of the instructions. Lily was the only "smarty pants" who has actually found a way to make the husband finish the conversation before walking off.

Guess what was the reaction of the accountant? She thought it wrong of Lily to "bully" her husband! I am too lazy to go and look up the proper term : there is a word that describes women using age, money, power, authority, peer pressure ... to subjugate other women and make sure that every other woman suffer the same fate as an unfortunate victim. It is one thing to be subjugated willingly oneself: that probably was the price of being married (which is not unusual at all around here). It is quite another to willfully and systematically use words to victimize or subjugate other women!

(493) Enmeshed

I learned one new term today. "Enmeshed". When a family is so dependent on each other that they do not keep in touch with any other close relatives.

It is good for a family to be close knit. However, it is not good nor healthy to have a enmeshed family. Let us look at an example. A man graduated with a engineering degree. Once he has some working experience, he started a firm with two friends. Meanwhile, he married his high school sweet heart. Through the years, his business prospered. His family is blessed with two boys and two girls.

They moved a few times, each time to a bigger and more luxurious house. The children grew up, each a graduate in their own right. The family takes yearly vacations. They go everywhere together. If the parents could not persuade the children to go anywhere, nobody goes. Lets say it was all soul's day, they could elect to go back to visit and clear the graves of their parents. As the children grow up, they became more reluctant to go back to their parents' home town. After a while, none from this family turned up anymore for grave visits.

There are five siblings of this father, he is really only in close touch with his only sister. And it was actually the sister that was making the effort to visit them. The rest of his brothers, if they meet at all, it is during Chinese New Year. Apart from his siblings, he nor his children are in touch with anybody else (not uncles, not aunties, not cousins ...). This is very unusual in Asia, where kins are an important part of one's family and identity. This enmeshed family is like an island floating in the ocean of community. I guess they would not know any of their neighbours either.

Do you belong to an enmashed family? Family members should be each independent individuals, then each member of the close knit family is inter depedent on each other. That would be a healthy model of a happy family.

(492) Upbringing 51

I was in a crowded place. A child was running around. She came to an abrupt stop between me and the person I was exchanging pleasantries with. Before she turned around and run on away from me, she threw a fleeting glance at me.

In that glance, she imbued it with feelings. "Now, why did you stand there and block my way? Can't you see I was heading towards you?" She was almost angry, very frustrated that this "blockhead" (me) who chose to block her rather than walking on to make way for her. There was a tinge of regret that she was one tenth my size and could not afford to knock smack into me.

Later, I fell into a conversation with her mother. I mentioned casually that her daughter reminded me of Elizabeth at that age. It was the strong will, the purposefulness, and the decisiveness that I picked up on. Quite a number of adults did not like that in Elizabeth and told me so. Even when Elizabeth was two years old, I knew what I was dealing with. I chose to see it as good raw ingredients to work with. With time, with prayers, with a lot of hard work, she became what she is today. It was all to God's glory.

I used books to shape her character. This little girl's mum fasts and prays regularly for God to change her little girl. It has been working for her. Everyone has his or her own preference. I, for one, am not inclined to fast unless it is a half day fast for my country or to make a major personal decision. I am impressed that another woman is so completely dependent and humble before the Lord. But which ever way, we all try our level best. The rest is really up to God.

(491) Blood sugar level

A normal person could eat three meals a day and a reasonable amount of dessert daily. We need to eat to live.

A friend of mine is diabetic. She does not take anything sweet, not even a thin slice of another person's birthday cake. It was her birthday last week. Another friend made a not so sweet jelly cake to celebrate the former's birthday. She took a small piece, and I mean it could hardly be any smaller.

An hour later she was giddy from a sugar spike. She lie down and rub ointment on her forehead. No one expected her to react so. Apparently, she had breakfast very early. By the time she ate the jelly, it went into an empty stomach. When she was totally out, it was actually lunch time. Yet she was too unwell to get up to eat anything.

Now I know why some individuals, with parents who are severely diabetic, avoid dessert and sweet things like plague.

(490) Individuality

I went for a lady's coffee morning gathering. Four of us were in the kitchen. Amelia made coffee for herself using a mug. Betty made tea in a mug too. I made coffee in a teacup while Dorothy made tea in a teacup.

We looked at each other and noticed no one did anything alike. Amelia is of the opinion that coffee should be made in a mug. Well, she said we call coffee mug and not tea mug. Betty likes to have a mug of tea so she does not have to add water to a shallow teacup. I am having a taste of coffee and limiting my caffeine intake.  Dorothy is like a properly trained English lady who does not fancy tea in any other vessel.

Well, one man's meat is another's poison. More often than not, we have different ways of doing things. While we have our preferences, it will be good to respect and allow others room to be different.

(489) Eldest by Christopher Paolini

This is not a review. I read the book and Elva brought back childhood memories. Since memories are flitting, it helps to document it while it lasts.

Elva was mentioned a few times. Eragon and Saphira "blessed" her as a baby. Although everything was done with good intentions, the mistake made in wording shielded as shield turned the blessing into a curse.

When I was young, I must have been an exceptional child. A number of the gifts I was born with which frightened me most are no longer with me. Don't ask me what happened! I don't remember. Somehow I must have switched them off. Looking at my children and my deceased father, I must have had a tape recorder database and a photocopier memory at birth. With no training, I was good at putting things together to draw conclusions that later turned out to be true. Now, with hind sight, I see it as exceptional logical and analytical skills. Everything seemed to work on a sub-conscious level. I have known since very young that I was not like the rest of the children around me. I didn't like it. I thought it was being abnormal. Now I know that it was being super normal. Those were blessings and assets, not curses.

Anyway, when one is handed a lemon, one can make lemonade, right? I am adding sugar now to whatever innate intuition and ability I still have to help my "tribe" -- the group of folks with different learning styles.

(488) Extra ordinary favour

A friend told me this real incident.

A missionary kid was applying for a visa to enter the United States of America. She was attending an International School and her transcript from Grade 1 onwards was in a database in USA. From thousands of children, she was a lucky one among many to be chosen to attend a leadership conference in America. Since she has just completed Grade 11, she thought she might as well go and look at a few campuses. Food and lodging for the conference would be sponsored. There are family friends to receive her at the airport. Another close family friend would pay for her airfare. It looks like she is all set.

In the Pacific island they resides, apparently it takes three months to apply for a visa. They filled in all the relevant forms and applied. There was an application fee. They were directed to pay through a certain British bank. This missionary family does not own any bank account in this bank. For convenience sake, a friend paid on their behalf. Right after the payment, that friend went abroad. Perhaps it was remiss for both party, no one thought of passing the bank receipt to the person applying for the visa.

In due time, this teenager was called for an interview. Looking at the document list, they realized that they lack the bank receipt. What to do? They just prayed and committed everything to God. On the actual day, the parents dropped her at the embassy gate. No parent was allowed to accompany the interviewee. She went in with trepidation. It was stated that clearing security may take 45 minutes. It was a surprise that she cleared security after 5 minutes. The interview was expected to last 2 hours. A receptionist checked through the stack of documents. The missing receipt was duly noted. She waited to be called.

And she waited. People who came before her was called. Folks who came after her was called. Half an hour passed. She was nervous. Forty five minutes went by. Her hands started sweating. Her turn came. She was called to go to the most intimidating interviewer. By this time, she was almost in a panic. She prayed and took a deep breath. Walking to the far counter, she greeted the interviewing officer and sat down.

Lo and behold! The interviewer smiled at her and asked her a few routine questions. Then he went out of his way to help her by offering to give her a one year multiple entry visa. Further to that, he went on to advise her to request for letters of invitation from the colleges she plans to visit. Otherwise, she may have problems clearing immigration on arrival.

It was extraordinary favour from God.

(487) Zelda's prince charming

Remember my friend Zelda? I sat and prayed with her through her mission trip in London. I also sat with her through her internet courting through a Christian website. I must have looked at more than fifty photographs of men. So have I gone through looking at all kinds of possibles pursuing her for months, none of them lasted.

I have come to be rather philosophical about her would be marriage. In my head, I separate people into the marrying and the non-marrying kind. Maybe, in spite of all she said, she belongs to the second group.

Guess what I heard today? She has prayed and received her answer. If her most recent possible furnishes all personal details and come to her and all information given tallied, then she will say yes. I was shocked! He, judging from one photograph, is not really good looking. Perhaps to do him justice, I would say that he looks pleasant. This person has little materially. Not that I would look for a millionaire to marry, but I would not choose one of the poorest either. This person towers over her in height and weighs twice her weight. I know that she saw a tall and large man in her dream. But double her weight? One good point is she can abandon her weight watching and eat, for she would still be petite standing next to him.

Truly, I admire her guts and adventurous spirit. She prayed for a husband who would partner her in mission work. And if this guy persists and is checked to be genuine, she is ready to marry him this year and follow him to the ends of the world to declare the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Amazing!

Please read (9), (994), (749), (361), (383), (401), (520)

(486) Being Observant

A few days ago I went out with a neighbour. Mrs Tee went to drop one child for a tutoring session. Then we went to a food court so her other child could have dinner. Next thing that happened is that Junior with a full tummy was dropped. We sat in the car chatting until the first child emerged from the tutoring center with a stream of students.

We had a delicious dinner and then proceeded to shop for the first child. Interestingly, as we were chatting about everyday things in the neighbourhood, names were attached to neighbors we know by recognition. There is this house where two sisters live. The elder one has two sons while the younger one has one son. I had to describe which is which. The first child with whom I was having a meal, is a girl of 16, commented that my neighbour the younger sister has a very respectful, filial son. I was really taken aback.

For I know that these two young people were not even nodding acquintance. Our houses are positioned in such a way that we can see each other coming in and going out. Ha! Here is an observant girl who is a good judge of character.

I tried to look back to the year I was 16. I don't remember any near neighbour with a twenty year old son. Even if there was, I probably won't notice much as I was running in and out of the house busy with school activities.

Now that I am interested, I must keep in touch with this neighbour. Some day I would like to see if  the girl make good use of her skill in selecting a good husband.

(485) Computer Search

One day before Elizabeth started on her temporary job, she asked me if there is any one I wanted to locate. So I named  one person who seemed to have her act together in my senior year. We'll call her Jane here.

Lo and behold, my daughter actually found Jane as part of the faculty in one of the nearby colleges not too far from my alma mater. She worked for the Government for a time until she qualified to lecture. No, I did not contact her. It is not that I don't like her. Just that I know very little about Jane. She was smart, attractive, had a boyfriend studying far away and just seemed to be so cool. She was a far better student that I was. Whenever I got stressed, she welcomed me to sit in her room to listen to classical music which would sooth my trouble soul. We seldom talk, as she was a reflective person and when I was troubled, I seldom talk.

This led me to wonder, if any of my old friends wanted to locate me; would they be able to find me on line? No! My son said. And he ought to know, as he is the most IT savvy person in my family. The reason is I have ceased to use the given name my parents gave me. I chose a new name, something no one expected me to choose. Also I adopted my husband's family name, even though most Chinese women do not in this part of the world (especially Chinese educated ones, and I was instructed in classical literature right up to 18 years old).

An old friend asked me why? She noticed I have effectively cut away my past. I am no longer the person I used to be. I have given up a lot of things I held dear to my heart, more than just a successful career, when I chose marriage and children. For I know that bringing up my children would exclude a vocation and personal ambition. And I also know that by the time all my children are grown and gone, I would be quite an authority in the field of bringing out the best of special children. Hence forth, I owe it to the many people who have suffered a frustrated childhood (due to one reason or another, as there is little awareness about learning disability in many parts of the world) to make my findings available if they are searching for it. I don't know exactly who reads my blog. Just like you don't know much about me(not my real name and particulars). But if you have read all three hundred over postings of mine, you should know me very well.

But whoever you are, if week in and week out you come in to catch up on my tale, I appreciate your tenacity. If you care enough to follow me real time, I must be writing something that is important and close to your heart. I thank you for your confidence in me. All I have is a liberal arts degree and many years of experience in bringing up my unique children.

(484) One way Broadcast

Using the statistics function of Blogger as well as Google Analytics, I was able piece together some information about my faithful readers.

You come from 36 countries: (recorded in the order the first reader from one country reads my blog) Malaysia, Russia,USA, Canada, Slovenia, Denmark, Germany, China, UK, Sweden, France, Japan, Macedonia, Italy, Ireland, Spain, Kenya, Poland, Australia, Netherlands, Colombia, Slovakia, South Africa. Ukraine, Brasil, Indonesia, India, Greece, Sri Lanka, Philippines, Romania, Singapore, Pakistan, Iran, Austria, and Taiwan.

The top ten countries my readers come from are: USA(1004 pageviews), Malaysia, Canada, France, Germany, Russia, UK, Slovenia, India, Japan(18 page views).

At last count last week, I have 2 real time readers from USA, 2 from M'sia, 1 from India and 1 from Germany. I wonder if they keep their computers on 24 hours a day, both in the office and at home. Do you read my blog from computer screen, I-pad or hand phone? Should I customise the layout of my blog to fit a smaller screen?

Do folks sleep? Whether I blog in the morning, afternoon, evening, night or at three o'clock in the morning, these six readers would appear within one or two hours at most, regardless of time zones. Do people keep their hand phone on throughout the night? It is most interesting that a writer that avoids hand phone finds that such technology keeps people up to date round the clock in touch with this blog. I salute you, reading warriors who sleep little.

(483) A Corner of the Universe by Ann M. Martin

First I will list every book mentioned that was written by Ann.
Bummer Summer 1980
At least four books: The Baby-sitters Club
Leo the Magnificent (picture book)
P.S. Longer Letter Later n Snail Mail No More ( Co-authored with Paula Danziger)
The Doll People n The Meanest Doll in the World (Co-authored with Laura Godwin)
Belle Teal (a Publisher's Weekly Best Book of the Year)
Here Today
A Corner of the Universe (a Newberry Honour Book)
A Dog's Life

In (474) I have written my two cents worth of my response to Here Today. Here I want to state that "A Corner of the Universe" is the most touching book I read in 2011. Considering books that I have borrowed and read that I have nothing to write about, this is probably ranked number one in at least 100.

If you have a special child as a sibling, off spring, niece or nephew, grandchild, ... Please go to Amazon or a Book Swap site to locate "A Corner of the Universe". It will show you a side of a special child or adult that you have never thought about.

I have known that I was one of the "freaks" since age 21. But I was intelligent enough and act well enough to pass off as kind of normal for years. Adam could tell the day of the week for any day we care to name. His parents forbid him to exibit that ability because it was like a circus trick. 

Looking at the way Ann described Adam, he could have been born autistic but did not adjust well and later became a schizophrenic. It did not help that his father was a prosperous lawyer and the mother is the richest woman in town from a long line of a proud family.

What do we measure as valuable in a person? Normality? Intelligence? A good heart? Wealth? Popularity? Fame? Special abilities? An average person who is loving and loyal? Faithfulness? Or are we able to accept and love another just because he or she is created by a God who makes no mistakes?

(481) Gold Mountain

This a real incident. It illustrates that for even a not too desirable property, if we can find the right buyer, we will get a good price for it.

Madam Lee bought a new house. She did not visit the building site. She went to the developer's sales office, look at the map that said little to her. Probably mumbled to herself, "innie minnie myni mo" and draw a "x" in the exact middle of a long row of houses. Her husband dutifully released funds as the letters come. Then the certificate of fitness is out, they sent an office boy to collect the keys with an official letter. It was their friend, Mrs Tan, that told them their new house faces a hill.

Madam Lee and her husband must be the coolest property owner in town. They did not blink an eye lid. Neither did they lose any sleep over the so called unsaleable new house. They figured if it couldn't be sold or rented out, they would move there.

A year or so later, a real estate agent tracked them down some how and asked if they want to sell it. The husband went to show it and quoted a price that was higher than the market price by twenty thousand. Some how he was not too keen to part with it. Surprisingly, the potential buyer agreed immediately. A few days later, the sellers and the buyers met and sign the sale and purchase agreement. Guess what is the buyer's name? It was Lau Kim San. That could mean keep the golden mountain.

By Chinese Fung Sui, that is the perfect house for Mr. Lau to live in.

(480) Do not talk to Strangers

When I was young, very few parents in my country own private vehicles. I used to walk, take public or school buses to and from schools. My mother's golden rule is: Do not talk to strangers. Who are the strangers? The people who were waiting at the bus stop. The bus drivers whom we see day in day out. The bus conductors and pedestrians that go out onto the main roads at the same time in the morning.

This is forty years later. I still teach all my children the same rule. Does this rule apply to a middle age woman? What do you think?

There is a neighbour who takes taxi often. She takes the long distance bus to a far away city often due to work. Sometimes she leaves early at sunrise, other times she comes back after mid-night. There is no way she could take the city bus as those times were out of the normal schedule. Once she decided to take a specific radio taxi, another neighbour advised her not to be too friendly to the male driver. I actually told her that I would not want such a person to know too much about me.

This is like a year or so later. She herself is getting nervous as the taxi driver started to ask her out. Just the other day he even asked her for a loan. She feels very unsafe as he knows where she lives and he has her hand phone number.

"A stranger" may be a person we see regularly but know little about. He lives from the periphery in the darkness. We live in the light. It is easy for them to find us. If too much information falls into their hands, we are then afraid that they would use it to harm us. So it is by far safer to keep strangers at arm's length.

(479) Basic Precaution

I have a friend who lives alone in an apartment. A few weeks after she moved in, a dark skin man kept ringing her door bell one night at mid-night. She was really frightened.

As soon as she brought this up, one of us suggested that she keep men's shoes in a visible manner in front of her wooden door.  Another bright spark told her that since the next block is close enough to look into her windows, it is better to keep all curtains close before sun set so that people in the opposite block won't be able to tell that she lives alone.

After she keeps to what was suggested, the harassment did not recur.

(478) Friendship

Imagine three women: A, B and C. If A likes B, C also likes B, what are the chances that A and C would be friends? In the land of friendship, they may be. But in real life, they usually are not.

I have known Annie for four years. Cathy moved to the area three years ago. I get along with both of them. They met, gone out with each other for a few times. Annie was more up front with me. She felt that if Cathy expected her to listen to problems and asked for advice; then it would be a waste of Annie's time if Cathy did not change. I view things a little differently. It is easier to listen and empathize. What I see as a solution may not be so to Cathy. If I have the time, I would listen and not expect any changes. Only God changes people.

Recently I found that they avoided each other. Finally Cathy explained to me it was Annie's pride that caused her to seek out others to befriend. I suppose I see Annie's pride as a defense mechanism. The only time she was not proud (that I have seen) was also the time she was depressed and suicidal.

There are tens of thousands of people in a city. We have the opportunity to pick and choose our friends. From this incident, I learn the precious lesson that it is easier that my friends from different spheres do not mix.

(477) Being forgetful/ Upbringing 49

It was a very small thing. One evening I fetched Elizabeth from work. She craved for oily snack and I only agreed to one tiny pack of coconut rice. The seller offered a plastic bag but I refused with a smile. This particular stall wrapped its rice with banana leaf and newspaper.

When we reached home, I passed that precious pack to her and I went on to carry two bagfuls of recyclable junk from the trunk to sort at home. We entered and went to bathe. It was a hot evening and I enjoyed my cold shower. Elizabeth merely turned her body heater down by changing into home clothes. Then we laid the table only to realize our store bought food was left in the car, we did have some food that I cooked before I went to fetch her.

I was puzzled! Now how could I get that forgetful? Then Elizabeth said that the packet of coconut rice represented food and subconsciously we both thought we brought every item of bought dinner home. You probably would not find such a pair of sillies round and about in miles. It is a good thing that both of us know well that we often would act like that. Neither was angry with the other. Should my husband or any of my other children be around, any one of them would instantly realize their dinner was placed at the back seat. Only Elizabeth and I could be that oblivious. We had a good laugh over it!

Should you have a spouse or a child like us, please do not lose your cool. Our brain is merely wired a little differently. We really could not help it. It is ironic that I could remember things for years: anything that I stored for future teaching or writing, anything linked to learning disability ... And Elizabeth is excellent at remembering music, lyrics, singers, bands, composers, and can play hundreds if not thousands of whatever music pieces she likes from memory.

My dad used to get really upset with me over little things like that. He was perfectly normal and could remember all he needed and connect things in whatever way required. For years I felt abnormal and belittled. It was funny that my mum readily admitted that she was not clever like my dad and tolerated all my quirks with graciousness. I was very fortunate that my mum treats me exactly the same as my siblings who do not have my weaknesses.

(476) Preparing for imminent recession

Just yesterday Elizabeth came back and explained excitedly to me why her boss took every case that came to the door regardless if there was man power to deal with it. No! It was not greed. It was not to torture the employees. It seemed that all economic indicators showed an imminent recession.

During the 1997 recession, this boss was a chambering student. Apparently it went for months without any selling or buying of property. Employees with no work went to dig out old files, they traced their old clients and offered to change the name of their properties' electric or water supply. For many months, that was the only income the firm could earn. If the principals did not set aside reserves, retrenchments would be inevitable.

It is just too bad that a temporary staff like Elizabeth was worked to the maximum for the common good of her colleagues. Come slow down and the cessation of speculated fueled trading of properties, then the entire firm would relax and feed on what they worked so hard to accumulate for the rainy season.

(475) Insult Fermenter

Book name : The Race for the lost key stone
Author        : Val Rutt
Publisher     : Puffin

I am not reviewing this book. I am borrowing a term the author cooked up. Many things written in the book are like scientific fantasies. But I like the idea of an insult fermenter. In the story contempt was stored in this gadget that "ferment" and enlarged it to be released as a weapon to hit a bad guy.

Ordinarily, I would laugh and go on. But a few days before I read this children's book, I received an SOS from a friend. By the time I got the message and gotten in touch, other unofficial support network already helped her to overcome the crisis. Now you get the idea why I don't carry hand phones. Then I would not be thrust into a difficult situation of handling a few things at a time. I am not a multi-task person.

I have had my own share of sibling rivalry. Being the only girl with brothers, I must have been toughened in the process of being knocked and pushed about. So when I listened to my friend's reaction to her recent trauma: having an overseas sibling staying in her house on a short visit and having another sibling who acts like a tyrant  that breathe down her neck. I know it was not funny. But seriously what transpired amounted to just unreasonable demands. But the reaction: I saw hysterics, uncontrolled emotions that should not have arisen out of such trivial happenings.

For days I mulled over the inequality of action and reactions. The reactions seemed inappropriately large for the provocations. Then one day while taking a bath, I saw how an enlarged bubble popped and "click!" a linkage was made in my mind. Perhaps long ago things did happen in a bad way, our youngest girl(my friend) did not receive any protection from her busy parents. All the hurt, trauma, insult, condescension, humiliation, and whatever explosive emotions were released years later after many magnifications, then it is possible to understand how big and bad the explosion was.

(474) Here Today by Ann M. Martin

This is another book published by Scholastic. When one of Elizabeth's old high school mates had a house warming party, she borrowed a big bagful. I am very thankful for generous folks who share their collection with me. There is no way I could get hold of such books. All my children have gone past high school. Such books are not sold through book distributors.

While I was in the United States, many a times the older folks talked about what they were doing that day when J.F. Kennedy was asassinated. It seemed that act stopped a nation and it was well remembered years later. In Here Today, the mother Doris' life was changed by her reaction to the tragic event.

Doris came from working class parents. As soon as she could, she escaped from small town life by marrying someone who could take her to a bigger town. By marrying young, she had three children at a relatively young age. She strived and worked hard at keeping trim and looking beautiful. While her children were young, she kept at acting, taking classes and worked at getting herself commercial and modeling jobs. After seeing the life of the President cut short in a moment, she cut loose and went to New York city to try breaking into the acting scene.

Things in NYC was more difficult than she thought. She did not give up. Instead, she went home on a weekday to remove her summer clothes so that she could relocate to Hollywood. While all these things were happening, her eldest daughter was being bullied unmercifully in school. That poor girl had to care for her younger siblings and her father on top of her own school work. Meanwhile that small community had to deal with hate crime and vandalism linked to prejudice.

This could be used to open a dialogue with a sensitive child over the topic of school bullying, social prejudice, self- centreness of any individuals and how a person deals with such behavior.

(473) Matured students

That day I met a colleague of my daughter's. She is a fifty two year old who is qualifying herself for law studies. At the moment she is working to get the required A-levels to get into Law.

This brought to mind my final year floor mate: a 67 year old college student. Her husband passed away after some illness. By then all her children were scattered all over the United States. She had been a licensed tutor to deal with students who require special one to one attention. She simply mortgaged her house and started to earn the college degree she gave up after marriage and children. She completed her first degree as a full time student. A few years later she earned her Masters as a part-time student.

If a person really wants to further his or her education, there is really no insurmountable barrier. Age is not a limitation. Finance could be worked out. But I suppose it is harder to work full time and study part time all at once.

(472) The love of money

I was having a long chat with a wise old friend. When topic turned to the influence of TV over children, I discovered for the first time that he and his wife brought up four children in the nation's affluent capital with no television in the house. I have great respect for families who could resist the idiot box.

We talked about passing down values to our next generation. At which point I told him about an eight year old girl who talks about nothing except luxuries and expensive flashy things in the home. Since there is nothing wrong with being rich enough to live in a well equipped and decorated comfortably big house, how can such parents avoid bringing up children who are too money faced?

He said that the parents of this child must have subtly passed on what I have seen in the child. Examples are like changing cars every two years, each time for a more expensive model. There is really no real need to change a car until it reaches four or five years. Perhaps the lady of the house changes her curtains every year, even before the curtains have a chance to age...

It turned out that he was right. The next time I saw the girl, she was showing off by telling another person that she has many hand phones. Now, pray tell me why a mother needs to buy more than two hand phones for one child? Unless each time dad and mum changes hand phone, the girl collected them all. If the girl attends a government school, she is not allowed to bring hand phones to school anyway. Even in a private school, hand phones are kept in a locked box during class room hours. It is ok to work hard and build up wealth. There is nothing wrong to enjoy one's wealth. But if a person worships either the wealth or the luxuries that wealth brings, it is inevitable that they may beget children like my show-off girl.

(471) Friends

I have two friends, one from school days (Mei)  and one I met as a young mother (Swee).

My son once asked me if I keep the knowledge about dyslexia from my friends. The answer is determined by whether the person needs to know it. As soon as I graduated and returned, I tried to tell Mei. She did not believe me until many years later. Looking back, I can see why people from my elementary school would laugh and humour me. I was so very good in Chinese, particularly writing, that cause every teacher who have taught me to shake their heads when they found that I was going to switch to English and the national language stream in High School. My Headmistress actually sourced for a scholarship for me that would last 10 years until I was to graduate from a Taiwan University. I was young enough and dumb enough to turn it down.

It was twenty five years later, when Mei's second child went abroad, she finally had the time to attend an extended seminar to find out why it was terrifically difficult to teach the affected child. At the end of the seminar, she called and asked me what kind of symptoms that I have not been able to correct in Elizabeth. At that moment I could only think of  was that she finds it difficult in associating events to any specific date. She really needs to carry a calendar. Without the date and days (Mon or Wednesday) in front of her, she could not tell even how it is linked to today. Finally Mei had to admit that I haven't been lying all these years. From the age of three, Elizabeth has been an excellent student. However, she is a Chinese who does not speak Mandarin or read Chinese. She will have to overcome that as an adult some day.

I was very sad to be proven correct. I suppose it takes a thief to catch a fellow thief. Not that it is criminal to be dyslexic. As soon as I was convinced that I was a dyslexic, the first person I wanted to tell was Mei. She was a successful career woman at that time. The need to know is for early intervention for her children who may be blessed with similar genes. She did have an early diagnosis that number two was two years late in development at age four. She did the right thing to quit her bright career to teach him, but the assumption that he was normal (going by her judgment) really led her to an emotional melt down. I still have to slow down when I tell her things, my express train mode easily cause her information overload.

Swee was a corporate manager while her children were young. When I was slowing down by part-timing and struggling to prepare my children for pre-schools, she was earning good money. From what she told me about her academic experience, I was almost certain she was a dyslexic. Attempts to explain things to her led to laughter and total unbelief. Her idea of a dyslexic was an illiterate person working as a janitor. Soon after we had a good laugh (over the fact that I was not a cleaner) I moved out of town. When her number two child was in Grade two, she experienced a physical health crisis trying to help the child. In the end she had to quit her job because there was no special tutors to be had in her part of town no matter how much she was willing to pay. Her child was pretty severely dyslexic, it was not possible for the child to read horizontally. The visual line zigzags. Exercise books from that year showed painful struggles in smudged pages showing inability to write on the same line. I could not tell if it was the mother or the child's tears that fell on those pages.

Both Mei's and Swee's children whom they  spent countless hours teaching made it to Universities. Both mothers ought to be given awards for persevering all these years.

(470) Hearing

Yesterday I watched part of a documentary on television.

As soon as I switched to the channel, it was a family showing up for an appointment in a hospital. The baby being held in the mother's arms had had no sense of hearing since it was born. The medical personnel taped a gadget that they called an electrode to the side of the child's head, I also saw something that looked like a sort of hearing aid around the ear on the same side of the electrode. Test sounds were transmitted by computer to catch the child's attention. Then the person controlling the computer prepared everyone present. Except for the mother, everyone else was to keep quiet. The first sound the baby hears in his brain will be that of the mother. It might be upset or frightened.

As expected, the child reacted by crying quite loudly.

The next person the program focused on was a percussionist (musician) who lost her hearing at the age of nine. At the age of twenty, she opted to live without any electronic aide. She chose to lip read and to "hear" using her entire body. Even though I have had no musical training, I could see that she was a good musician with much passion for her craft. Looking at the fact that our bodies are made up of a skeleton capable of vibrating with sound waves, what she said made sense. Knowing that our normal sense of hearing confines to a limited range of frequencies, this unusual musician can probably "hear" a wider range that the rest of us. It is interesting that such an impairment has actually worked in her favour once she overcome her initial problem.

The program ended by showing a family unit of four. Dad received his aide ten years ago. Mum had hers seven years ago. The elder boy had had two, one at age seven months and the next at age four. The younger girl too has received aide. From birth to four or five years old, the brain has the capability to develop normally should it be able to receive sound inputs, whether through the ears or not. Even if the signals received is limited in many respects, the brain will be able to compensate by working and enriching the signals into meaningful sounds. Once it is past the window (birth to 4 or 5), we lose the opportunity of taking advantage of this capability of the brain called plasticity. These two children are indeed blessed by being born in Canada, where such medical technology is available.

I will be on the look out for programs of this sort, I find it informative and interesting.

(469) Eragon by Christopher Paolini

Many years back, I asked my councilor a question:"Why doesn't God just zap me and heal me physically, spiritually and emotionally?" She answered that healing comes from the Holy Spirit. He is a gentleman. We must pray and request him to come and heal us, that is the verbal invitation. Our God is a God of variety, he may not heal two people by the same method. Some healing is instantaneous, some come step by step and some may come in spurts and starts.

In page 716 of Eragon, we read of him fighting with Durza. The decisive battle rested in the mind, Durza was trying to enter Eragon's mind to probe for the dragon's location. At the same time, Eragon was entering Durza's mind and seeking his weak point. Much earlier, Brom had taught Eragon lessons in this mind probing. I am a person that wants to continue learning for as long as I can. This is the very first book I read that gives me a visual model of why in some or most cases healing cannot be spontaneous or instantaneous.

In my mind, I have erected blocks for years. No one human being can enter the virtual fortress. That, unfortunately, includes the holy spirit; as he is a person. In my prayer, I invited Him to come in and heal me. In the spiritual realm, it has occurred. For the Lord Jesus bought me wholeness by the stripes he suffered at the cross. Sad to say, it took me years to tear down the barriers I have put up since early childhood. And so healing occurred at a pace that I could handle, bit by painful bit, as soon as the dismantling of the barriers happened. For me, it took more than 10 years. Of course it is different for someone else. No two persons are alike, not even identical twins.

Here I want to state that I read Eragon like Enid Blyton's books. Dwarf, elves and fairy exist in children's stories. I purposely ignored the spells and the ancient language. Power comes from two sources: God and the fallen angels. I do  not want to touch that which does not belong to God.

(468) A lesson from rock climbing

I have not climbed any mountains. But I have read many books written by serious climbers. Whether one climbs a rock outcrop or an ice mountain, equipment is necessary. It is important to find a safe spot to fix a point for attachment. Then only can a climber rope oneself and be safe.

While a person is under emotional turmoil, the person is not logical. Should the turmoil lasts long enough to cause the sufferer to tire of struggling, the thought of suicide could be inches away. There is a verse in Psalms 139 (v14) : I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. I can take this verse as the tool of attachment to sustain my life. If God Almighty said that he made me wonderfully, who am I to dispute otherwise? I am a product of God's workmanship, he said it is marvelous. No one should disagree, least of all my enemy Satan.

The attachment is firmly anchored in God's word. It is then up to me to memorise it so that I can access it in time of need. Whenever thoughts of suicide overwhelm, it is time to recite it verbally to refute the enemy's attack. It may help to write the verse on slips of paper and attach them to mirrors in every part of the house. It may be helpful to play spiritual songs that builds us up. All these reminders are like the invisible rope that keeps us from falling into the abyss.

(467) The last book in the universe by Rodman Philbrick

Before I read this book, I have heard of a long list of famous historical figures being dyslexic. Let me name a few: Albert Einstein, Tom Cruise, Agatha Christie, Leonardo da Vinci, Lee Kuan Yew, ...

On page 57 of the above mentioned book, the author claimed that the below were epileptics:-
Charles Dickens
Julius Caesar
Napoleon Bonaparte
Leonardo da Vinci
Agatha Christie
Lewis Carrol
Harriet Tubman
Joan of Arc
Vincent van Gogh
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Edgar Allan Poe
Paganini
Alexander the Great (page 36)
In the book an old man called Ryter claimed that many great humans had been epileptic. It was as if the brain compensated by increasing intelligence and ambition.

Even the most intelligent person uses less than 10% of his or her brain. If the fact that being an epileptic spurs a person into developing his or her brain more, there lies the root of his or her future greatness. Interesting!

(466) After overcoming learning difficulties

When I was working with children whom I suspected with learning difficulties, I used to look out for symptoms. Now that I have no choice but to move on, I switched to feelings. If I sense wounds, hurts, fears or whatever that could be part of the aftermath of a traumatic battle within and without the person, then I look for parallels and patterns.

I am taking Elizabeth's advice in starting with these two thoughts that she picked out of my ramblings. Personally, my journey started with the Navigator's 2-7 Course. It took two years to complete. At the end of book 6, I knew there were skeletons in my locked closets. The key or keys were missing. The first key returned when my counselor saw a vision when she was praying for me. That unlocked one closet: traumas in the first year of school.

A person I had been seeing has had a bad experience with at least one counselor. So that path is out. That might be why she was willing to see me, I have absolutely no credentials except my own experience. Prior to a recent session, she came to a decision to live, just as she was, without any more thoughts of healing. Then I went to the conference. Out of the three people I talked to, one of them was very candid in telling me how she felt about her years of struggle. It was interesting, God is a very present source of help. In less than a month, I heard the same feelings expressed twice by two  very different people. It cannot be luck, it is ordained by God.

For the seeker I met in conference, I pointed out to her the five ways of drawing close to God. However, for my friend who believes she walks closely enough, I suggest going back to her childhood past time: copying pictures she loves by pencil. If not anything else, she would feel the therapy of drawing. Since she regularly struggles with emotional turmoil, the calming focus of sketching would bless her.

I pray that she will find sufficient strength in God to risk opening the Pandora Box. There is nothing worse than fear of fear itself. If we know in our hearts that God is bigger than all our insecurities, that God's love for us excludes all our fears, then one has nothing to lose by trusting him.

(463) Parenting - today (2)

It is strange! Right after the incident in the previous blog, I went to pick up a friend in an engineering firm.

While I was waiting for her to pack her stuff up, the boss' two daughters walked out to the reception area. Child number one sat down next to me, immediately engrossed in a game in her I-phone. Child number two struggled with the heavy swinging door and being small and weak, she had to brace herself and pushed the heavy door. In the process of struggling, the I-pad in her hand fell to the wooden floor with a thud.

The two sisters tried to restart the gadget but failed. In turn it became the headache of the receptionist. The receptionist could hardly help, so she called for the help of the IT consultant. Meanwhile an IT savvy colleague trouble shot and concluded that it still worked but the on-off button was temperamental.

Mind you, this particular I-pad was only a few days old!  Was it just co-incidence? Are all children from age 1-8 given such delicate instruments to play with?What happened to the old fashion toys? Parents are just too busy making money to buy expensive and inappropriate toys for their children to play!

(462) Parenting - today (1)

The other day I met a mission worker who came back from Papua. She just returned from visiting the country with the world's second highest treasury reserve. Her brother was an Asean Scholar who ended up working and living in the island nation.

She made an interesting observation. It seemed that in expensive restaurants, young children are given the parents' I-pod, I-pad and I-what-ever not. I was taken aback, these gadgets are expensive! She shrug her shoulders and gave me a look that said,"It's their money and their children!"

At that point of time I have not seen any thing like that. Truly it defies understanding! Let's say these yuppies are filthy rich. They could buy such items every week as fast as the kids drop them. Even then don't they want to teach the children how to handle high valued items with care and respect? Aren't they afraid that these item would expose their darlings to unnecessary radiations?

In the end we concluded that parenting is about convenience nowadays!