(152)Tips on training a headstrong child/ Upbringing 15

Quite a number of mothers, teachers and friends have asked me what makes my daughter who she is. Well, this is what I can think of:


1. I spent all my vacations during my undergraduate years in different American homes. While I don't agree with all their philosophies in parenting, I admire very much how children are given their voice and room to explore. That's precisely what I did in giving my daughter a chance to express her opinion in matters big and small as well as an opportunity to try (even if I could foresee failure).


2. She had had problems with a kindergarten teacher in K2. I secretly observed 2 classes and came to the conclusion that sending her to a Chinese school would be detrimental to her. From that day on I drilled her on respect for all teachers, not just the good and dedicated ones. I explained how we should respect the position, not the person. When one is in customer service, customers are always right. Likewise, when one is a student, teachers are always right (maybe except when the teachers break laws or rules or endanger students). On my part, I hold my tongue. As a rule, I always seek to advance a teacher's good qualities and points of view that are correct.


3. In dealing with both students and teachers, I guide her to look for good qualities. After all, nobody is perfect! As long as the bad points are minor, we take and accept the person as he or she is. Then I systematically trained her in judging potential candidates for the delegation of duties. By trial and error, step by step, I talked her through (a) to persuade the person to accept the responsibility (b) walk the person through his or her duties (c) oversee the carrying out of duties (d) troubleshoot should problems arise (e) encourage the person (f) back the person up should there be sticky situations (g) bear the blame, as the buck stops at the leader's desk.


4. In situations that she dreads in the process of carrying out her responsibilities, we work out and practice the different possible outcomes. For each scenario, we develop different responses that are appropriate. It is something like the Harvard Business School system of case study.


* blue flower.jpg from stanford.edu