(818) To wed a widower

My deceased grandma was a wise woman. She had often expressed her opinion that it was better not to marry than to marry a widower. For many years, I thought she was merely old fashion and remembered some funny ancient Chinese customs.

Recently, I met a lady who married a widower more than ten years ago. She was a good friend to the deceased wife. When the first wife died, she took her good friend's husband as her only husband. Now, that sounds quite alright! By Chinese customs, she has to call the deceased woman's mother mum and the deceased woman's father dad. During Chinese new year, she has to pay a visit to them first before she could return to her parents to pay respect. All that, she did without a fault. Now, if it had been thirty years ago, in the deceased woman's house, she would have been called by the deceased's name. Apparently, it was done, jokes aside.

In the recent weeks, the first wife's son has a first born son. The grand father was beside himself with jubilation. It is not that he did not love his second wife. He merely loved his first wife more. It is plain to us bystanders that he obviously preferred his first son to his other children carried by the second wife. Well, it is one thing to have others think that, it is quite another kettle of fish to be heard saying it himself. He put his foot into his mouth when he declared that he only felt like a doting father once in his life spoiling his eldest son. Subsequently, he got wiser and never carried his other children unnecessarily pacing the floor in the small hours of the night. His wife was not around when he made that public statement. However his other children heard it.

I suppose that was what my grand ma meant when she made those rather harsh statements. My mother has spent more years with my grandma. When I related this incident, she said that the second wife should have anticipated this from day one. After all, she was merely a second choice, took on necessarily to fill the room: that is what the Chinese called the second wife (teen fong in Cantonese).