(1189) Mirroring relatioships

There is a rule I learn in family relation: the relationship between grandma and mum is often reflected in the relationship between mum and daughter.

Fiona rebelled at age 18, she defied her mum to marry her husband. As a result she was the only one among her siblings who did not go to college. Of course at this point I must be fair and state that the mum was dictatorial and difficult to live with. Fiona has three children, the first one is a girl called Emma.

Emma was a late bloomer but by age 35 she owns a music school. She is not close to her mum and somehow the two just never see eye to eye about anything. Now that Emma expects a first child in December, I wonder whether it is going to be a boy or a girl. Unless Emma shapes up and builds better ties with her mum, history would repeat itself, she would cry over the hurtful actions of her beloved daughter, just like her mum cried over hers.

While I was living in Silver City, my back door neighbour Sheila has a parallel experience with Fiona. Sheila too married her husband over heavy objections of her mum. Even in later years, each has no civil words to say to the other. She too has a elder girl who lives to bring her heart aches. Sheila's husband was wise, he sent her out of town to live with some relatives as soon as the girl reached 17 years old. After pre-university, the girl went to study in another country.

Now I see almost daily my land lady's interactions with her only daughter. Here too, the mum finds faults with the daughter. The daughter chooses to see the mother in not flattering lights. It went back to the grandmother loving only the sons. Sad to say the sons were spoiled and both came home to depend on the old mom while the sons were in their 50s. Mom planted and sold vegetables at age 80 to support the sons. My land lady supplies rice, her one sister pays for electricity and water bills, the other sister would give the mother $30 every month. Thanks to the state welfare system, the old lady gets $150 for her household monthly.