(390) Pain 17

It was a gathering for old friends. Some of us have been in the same class at different years practically since seven years old. There was an air of ease, not much need for sieving our thoughts, checking our words before any could escape out of our mouths. If anyone gets too frank and says something down right tactless,someone would rap her hard, we would laugh and all would be forgotten in the atmosphere of "Well! She has been like that all these years, what else do you expect?".

Most of us have college going children, one even has a grandson. The late bloomer who got married just celebrated her tenth anniversary. While listening to her talk about how grateful she was that her husband has a solid job, and whine that he is too inflexible to change job after forty five; we chuckled and concluded that the honeymoon is finally over. Each of us look at another with sheepish eyes, we all know our spouses' shortcomings and must have said something at sometime or other. Then all eyes rested on our "sweetie", who still has smiles that melt hearts and retains her even temper. Not a word we can wrestle out of her. She had come, sat and listened, but never said anything negative about her marriage or spouse or children. None of us are deceived that everything is picture perfect. Yet we respect her choice to keep things in her heart.

This past meal, our usual facilitator looked haggard and even a little unkempt. My honorary chauffeur mentioned that she had never seen her like that. Well, off and on, I have caught her looking not herself. Usually it would not last long, a few weeks at the maximum. I have attributed the lack of grooming to feeling down, not in top physical form, depression, and lately, being reclusive to have time and space to think through whatever that bothers her.

This time, my theory is like this: both "sweetie" and our de facto facilitator married their very first date as well as boy friend. Looking back, I don't think either of them had ever dated another chap. Perhaps, as a result, they could not visualize lives without their important men. Their great love for their special men dictates that they give and give. While their men succeed and made lots of money and became men  of status, they were busy both at house-keeping and keeping up with the changes in their spouses. Now, that is not easy for them if they happened to have married men with roving eyes.

In comparison, my beautiful chauffeur and I had experienced broken relationships. We married relatively later in life. We were no longer starry-eyed as brides. Here is where earlier set backs in our youth work to our advantage in later years. We are perhaps more realistic, more skilled at gentle negotiation. Maybe have a better gut feel in when to give in and when to persist to make our stand in things that really matter to us. No, we don't have model marriages, but are glad to note that our husbands do not hold all the cards in their hands.