(1016) Close to death

Yesterday someone asked me if I came close to death in my recent illness. On 24.7.17 the person advising patients on their nutritional intake told me that I had reached the critical low weight for my height. Should I lose anymore weight, my body would feed on my heart and I would die from a cardiac arrest. Each meal I must eat sufficient protein: two whole eggs, fish or meat the size of my palm which is one inch thick. She advised me to drink as much milk as my stomach can take, four scoops three or four times a day.

That afternoon I had a shower. I took a good look at my skeletal torso, at that moment I probably weigh less than I did at age 12. A good description would be: skin and bones. I could count easily the number of ribs I had. Believe it or not, death was standing at my elbow. Like a war correspondent described it, there is a smell to danger and death: a sharp metallic smell cutting through one's sense in every breath. Ordinarily I am a very normal person not given to fears.

Yet I knew it in my bones that it was the defining moment: either I give in, curl up and die painlessly in a morphine haze or I need to fight every inch clawing myself up a cliff side. It was far easier to choose death. After all, every one of my lambs is over 21 years old. My husband is such a wonderful man that he would have lots of women vying to be his second wife. My mum would miss me but she did fairly well in my 2 and a half years' absence.

I remember the prophesy I had in 1994: God said that I would do four things for him. I was in my late fifties and just fulfilled a prophesy I had in 1984: to serve him in Sabah. I felt upset, told death that he should leave me alone. I didn't want to die and God would heal me because of my unfinished work. It was blind faith, conviction and a strong, stubborn decision to fight to survive.

I went on to eat five meals a day, drinking so much milk that the nurses who sent it was surprised at my high intake. For two weeks my weight remained the same, then it slowly climbed half a kilo a week. It was easy to lose 2 to 3 kilos a week. It was extremely difficult to gain even a pound. It took me about six months to get to the place where I look healthy. Now I wear an American size 10, at my lowest point I borrowed a size 5 pair of pants to go to church. 

In October 2017 I published my first book. In April this year I gave my first speech as an author in a senior citizen group in my city. Thus the first two tasks in the prophesy came to pass: to publish books and to give spoken message for God.

Last Sunday I met my daughter's new friend: a first year software engineering student. I was pleasantly surprised. Perhaps if we click, she would provide the software support for the third task: broadcasting (God willing). I suppose for me it is availability and obedience that are needed, all the rest is in God's ball court.