(1314)Cowardly

I am essentially a coward. Many times I shied away because I dreaded a situation, not knowing how to behave and what to say. It was much easier to stay away.

Many years ago, when I was new in Silver city, I would attend two fellowship groups from two churches each week. It was a happy way to meet new people and to make friends. There was a group that met in the Assistant Leader's home, which until today I hadn't learn how to navigate there. I readily admit to anyone that I am quite hopeless in remembering geographical locations. After a year of being driven to the meetings every Friday night, I couldn't drive to that house on my own. In those days there were no ways or GPS.

Abruptly, the meetings changed to the Leader's house and the Assistant Leader stopped coming. I was curious and surprised, I asked and the answer was he had a project out of town and his wife was busy preparing for the coming wedding of the eldest son. A year later I realized that there was only seven months between the wedding and the full moon celebration of the first grandchild. Then I was aghast how badly I had behaved. Normally I am a person who hardly call folks on the phone. I did try once or twice to get someone to lead me to their house so I could visit. But I did not try that hard. It really looked like I judged them and dropped them like hot cakes during a difficult time for them. In real life I was more blissfully ignorant than being judgemental. I felt very bad.

In between, my family moved 200 miles to the south. One day, another Silver city friend called and said that the Leader's youngest daughter was going for a second scan in a hospital near my new home. This time I made sure my husband called and make appointment to take them out for dinner. We feared the prognosis was cancer. I was fearful of not knowing how to respond and what to say. We had a very nice meal, my husband and I listened to their pain and many fears. We ended saying a short prayer before parting. It was not as difficult as I feared. That was many years ago and the girl went on to remission after surgery. She qualified as a doctor in Australia six years later.

The two incidences happened ten years apart. It is amazing how time taught a person not to be immobilised by fear. I have learnt to walk into a situation fearfully than doing nothing.