(238) Lost eternally

One of Elizabeth (my youngest)'s uni mate was drown a week ago. Details were sketchy: she went to use a private college's pool, somehow she knocked her head and fainted. Once she became a dead weight at the bottom of the pool, whoever present was not strong enough to lift her up.

What really upset Elizabeth was that she actually shared bus seats on a uni trip with the deceased a few months ago. She knew the deceased was a Buddhist but she did not attempt to share the good news at the first meeting. However, Elizabeth did have a long chat with her and perhaps did conversationally mentioned that the former is a practicing Christian. After the sad news of her passing, Elizabeth went into a self-bashing mode, blaming herself for the lost opportunity.

Somehow, I see things much differently. My family was more Taoist than Buddhist. Friends have been sharing the good news with me on countless occasions for like fourteen years before the opportune moment when I saw the light. In fact, I used to hate those folks who bashed my head with their bibles, in a manner of speaking. Perhaps if those Christ Ambassadors were less active, I would have not been forced to sit in the opposition corner for so many years. While I knew those statues my parents worshiped to were not God, I strongly resented the facts that born again Christians called them idols. I honestly believe that God woos each person along the high ways and the by ways. I am not ashamed of my belief and would gladly share when someone wants to hear. But I certainly would not force, push or share with any and everyone I meet.

(106) Curfew

When my eldest left home to further his studies, I was more concerned that he made good friends in the capital. I did not give him any rules about when to return to his hostel. After all, he was so quiet and homey that he hardly went out throughout his teenage years.

When we located a mattress that was in fairly good shape that one friend of mine would like to give to Kenneth, his father found one friend who agreed to loan us his van for transporting the item to Ken's hostel. I remember calling him hourly from five pm to one am on a Friday night. He did not answer. The next day, we drove to his hostel armed with the phone number of his resident head just in case he was not there to let us into his room. He was there, sleeping after a late night. I was really more taken aback than upset that he was out "teh-tarik" until 2 am the previous night and he forgot to take his hand phone with him. (it is a local beverage of red tea+milk+sugar, hot but being poured from one container to another to add air bubbles to the mixture to make smooth the texture)

Now that my youngest is in university second year, I am still enforcing a curfew of 12 midnight (been doing that since she was 15). Well! She is totally different from her brother. If the week-end is made up of three days, she would be out three days in a row. Should she promise to return by X hour, nine times out of ten she would return at least fifteen minutes after the aforementioned hour. If she is Cinderella, she would stand much chance of being turned into a pumpkin if she return past the appointed hour. If we were to argue nature versus nurture, I suppose nature would account for the opposite temperaments.  The kind of friends they attract would account for the disparage amount of activities between the two. Yet they came from the same set of parents.

(75) In Search of Excellence

The other day a group of us were talking about immigration. One couple was ready to fly to Canada to start their new life with three young children. Another outspoken man was saying that he would not go to a western country and be a second class citizen. The rest of us looked at each other, none of us felt much like  first class citizens in our beloved country! Well, perhaps there is less glass ceilings in terms of making money here compared to living in Canada, that is about all most of we can agree with.

In terms of equality and justice, I guess majority people all over the world usually have much to grouse about. I could complain too, but I chose not to. During my time, I was accepted by Estate Management in Singapore (NUS) with a S$3000 bursary. With special favor from God whom I was actively searching for but had not met yet, I was offered a 97% scholarship from a US liberal arts college. I accepted that with much gratitude and went with little money but much hope that somehow everything would work out. (Things did work out miraculously.) Looking back, it was blind faith because I wanted very much to leave my birth country that did not offer me any place in any of the  5 government universities. During that period of time, it was the norm. Five of my talented class mates who did better in the public examination was forced to register as article clerks and today they are all successful chartered accountants.

When I was in college second year, a faculty member asked me why every single student from my country throughout college history turned out to be exceptionally outstanding. After I was surprised with this question, I went to look at the list of award winners and found that this faculty member was being perceptive: it is true that every single compatriot from my country won at least one form of honor or award upon graduation. A few months later, I explained to her that my country women of Chinese and Indian origin have to work extra-ordinarily hard to overcome the quota system which favor the majority group. My parents had to save for many years to be able to afford a private college education for one of my siblings. The rest of us slaved throughout our academic career to win foreign scholarships. While I could concentrate on the unfair system, it is smarter to see that adversity breeds character. To overcome this in built bias, the only way out is to make sure one is excellent! It is the same with my children, apart from one who did not choose to attend college but went into elder care as a career, the rest excelled and overcome every obstacle to enter colleges locally.

(14) Prophetic Dreams?

Many years ago, George (a youth leader in my church) related a dream to me.

In his vivid dream, he was on a ship waving good-bye to my daughter, Elizabeth, who was on shore sending him off. He shouted and thanked Elizabeth for arranging all his itinerary and helping him to keep his myriad appointments in the port.

I was very curious, the first opportunity I could insert in a question, I asked him if he was in a temperate, tropical or very cold place. He took a while to look into his inner images and answer it was not cold, but there were greenery. He did not know what country it was.

A month or two later I in turn had a vivid dream. In the dream, I knew it was related to George's dream. I saw a rather old building, probably British colonial in origin, and I was in a very spacious room which I knew to be Elizabeth's living quarters. Kenneth asked if there was  a single bed or a marital bed. No, I saw only the many tall and narrow windows in the semi circular wall, there was lilac translucent curtains flapping in the warm breeze. Purple is Elizabeth's favorite color. There were comfortable chairs arranged in a cluster next to the windows. Then there is a long and tall book shelves filled to overflowing dividing the rest of the room from the reading nook. Near one end of the book shelve, we have an ornate staircase leading both up and down from the room.  

When Elizabeth was waiting for her high school result, she initiated an application to Logos II or OM (Operation Mobilization). We managed to fit in three months of service. It would be a costly trip as all candidates would have to raise their own funding and pay OM room and board to serve. Of course I know that if it is God's perfect will for her to go, funding would not be the obstacle. While she was getting the church's recommendations, objections ruled. All sorts of reasons were given from different levels of the leadership. The most logical came from our Junior Pastor, she said that Elizabeth could apply after her first degree. After all, it is important that we grab the Government University posting as we are a family of slim means. To let her go like that, what if she was detained due to whatever reason, she would not be here to submit the uni applications. Since Elizabeth has not set her heart on going, she decided to submit to the church leadership and give up the application.

Zelda (who recently follow God's leading and relocated to USA) and Violet (the founder of Amazing Book Room in A Dream and A Dream 2) both felt that I should have urged her to follow the application to the end, it would have been OK if we could not raise sufficient funds. They are of the opinion that God would have provided money somehow for Elizabeth to take up the US partial scholarship offer even if she has missed the local university placement.

All this is water under the bridge. What matters to me is that Elizabeth is extremely happy with her English studies in the nearest local uni to where we live. Should she desire to apply to OM upon graduation, I would definitely support her all the way. I wonder if the two dreams are from God, and if one day when I release her to serve God in the Ship ministry would she be assigned to a room that is exactly like what was revealed to me in my dream?

(8) Recycling four cocktail dresses

Last Sunday I received three bagful of clothes, sheets and accessories. It was interesting that Mr Gurdip commented while he helped me pull out the huge bags,"These people are rich!" The clothes came from mainly his daughter in her early twenties, his son and his wife. In three or four batches of recycling, I have yet to find one shirt or a pair of pants in his size.

While sorting through the college girl's clothes, I found four cocktail dresses. One is peach colored with a very distinct asymmetrical  tail in the skirt hem. I am not very good at judging sizes, it is probably a size 1. It is made by Susanna. Elizabeth found the label on the internet and the merchandise is priced in pounds. Therefore it was probably British made.  We talked Serena into trying it, she looked divine in the dress which seemed designed for her. First the rosy hue brought out her delicate complexion. Serena has sharp features and has a face as fair as Korean stars.  The soft fabric lent an angelic feel to her slim body.

There were two little black dresses: one halter neck and the other a bare back with sparkly stones in front on the bodice. Serena fitted those dresses well even though she did not look as striking as in the peach colored one. The labels were Naf Naf  and M-Hews, respectively. It was providential that Serena was invited to my place to meet Elizabeth's uni room mate Penny. I normally do not keep any clothes more than 48 hours in my tiny home. Serena later thanked me for my generosity.

The way I see it, I did nothing except telling everyone I recycle clothing. Once the clothes started coming, I just make sure I sort them within 2-3 days. Some would go to a Filipino maid friend of mine, she sends them home in big boxes by ship. Others may go to an Indonesian maid friend of mine in Silver City. I already started a small collection of ping-pong (table tennis) bats for the orphans in Maechan, Northern Thailand. My husband is organizing a visit in December 2013. For this particular batch, Mrs Gurdip specifically requested that I keep her daughter's pieces in our country. Elizabeth and I managed to talk Penny into taking another elegant black long dress. She thinks she will take it home and find someone to cut and sew the maxi into a knee length dress.

Both Serena and Penny are first year uni students. Each year they would need to borrow, buy or tailor make a dress for the faculty party. Therefore these dresses come very handy during their summer break.

This recycling venture started when I visited Northern Thailand. One December day I was in a hill top village at about 10 am. I, who am afraid of the chill had three layers on. My husband had on only a thick T-shirt. Little hill tribe children between 2 to 5 were running around naked and bare feet. Of course their noses were running. I asked if it was their custom to have the children unclothed. The answer brought laughter in the group, these children's mothers saw sunny weather and washed the children's only clothing. None of the children has a second piece of (spare) clothes. That is the ultimate poverty I saw in the rural area of a developing nation. After I returned, with friends and neighbors and contacts, I would tell them the need of clothing in poor communities, and ask them directly to contribute used clothing through me. Through the years, I managed to collect all kinds of clothes but it was difficult to bring them to Thailand. Each trip I made I managed to bring 10 to 12 kilo. It was not practical to send by post as the postage itself would have paid for similar new clothing from China. Hence I resorted to send via maids who would return to their home towns at least once in every two years.

(5) Eligible bachelor

A friend of mine has a son who is tall, fair and handsome. To top the physical appearance, he is a scholarship medical student. Once he was in a traffic jam, a moment of inattention and he hit the car in front. It was a good thing the driver in front is not a road bully. Far from what we imagine, he was being treated very well by the lady whose car was slightly damaged.

When he shared about the experience, one of the older men straight away guessed that the lady driver has a daughter about the same age as our eligible bachelor. When he went to study abroad, he received more than his fair share of kindness from the gentler sex. On his first summer vacation home, within the first weeks he started hosting female students visiting.

It really looks like my high school teacher's son's life story being repeated. Except for being thirty years or so older, both are good to look at. Each has much higher than average IQ. To be able to compete for difficult to get medical scholarships, they must be very driven and have much discipline. The elder guy was booked early and got married within days of graduating from medical school. I wonder how long the younger one can stay single?

(999) Bare necessities vs choice

Let us look into Elizabeth's wardrobe, namely seven years ago and now:
When she first moved from Silver City to the the Capital city, she owned two pairs of long pants: one pair of Kiko black cotton pants and one pair of Dek Dek blue jeans. She has one pair of sneakers and one pair of sandals.

Now as a university student, she has 22 pairs of long pants, and six pairs of walking shoes. All of the 22 pairs came as recycled pants. She must have tried on hundreds of pairs of pants through the past seven years as I engaged in my activities of gathering clothes for poor Thais, Indonesians and Filipinos, usually passed to restaurant workers and maids(my friends). Out of the six pairs of shoes, she paid for two branded pairs with her own savings. One pair of Nike is so old and worn that she kept it for muddy activities in the fields. The other Nike is so new that she only uses it for jogging on sunny days. The third pair is Clarks that came as a gift from a very kind church lady who took pity on her miserable looking shoes. The fourth pair she bought with $5 in a second hand store. The fifth(basket ball) pair came as a birthday gift from her youth group. The Sixth pair she bought with $10 at a school jumble sale.

We look back and saw how in spite of our reduced finances God has blessed her in her clothing and foot wear. Yet interestingly, she finds that life was much simpler back when she has no choice, when Kiko is wet, she puts on her Dek Dek. When she had a formal event, she wore her only pair of shoes. Other wise she put on her sandals.

But, would she give away her extras now to live like she did seven years ago? Of course not!  It is natural to expand, nobody will willingly shrink back to elementary basic necessities.

(987) Me and Mr Darcy by Alexander Potter

Mr Darcy, apparently, is the lead male character in Pride and Prejudice. The funny thing is that I don't remember his name although I have read Pride and Prejudice at least three times in my life. When I was in high school, I once read the abridged version. When I was trying to inculcate a taste for the classics in my children, I borrowed it once and no one in my family read the book except me. Just two years ago Elizabeth (my daughter) bought it on sale, I read it yet again and marveled at how well Jane Austen wrote despite how limited the circumstances permitted her to experience life.

I really enjoyed reading about Emily Albright, who runs an old fashion book store in New York, went to England on a literary tour and met with her dream date. I like how Alexander neatly fitted the time travel meetings into a three month period when Mr Darcy was away from wherever his would be wife was. I also like how Potter parallel Emily's reactions to Spike as to Elizabeth's (from Pride and Prejudice) to Mr Darcy. Well, however romantic a fantasy date is, he would not count as much as a real date.

While I was reading this book, I recalled how my dorm mates would confide in me and others about their heart throbs. It was a nostalgic walk down memory lane of my college years. Faces flashed in my mind's eyes. Certain laughs, gestures and all kinds of expressions came. I thought of a few dear friends whom I have not thought about for many years. What I really admire and am extremely fond of about American girls is their candidness and ability to laugh at their own foibles. It is true that I chose to return to my birth country even though I could have stayed on in USA. But I suppose it would have been harder to leave if I had stayed on for another degree. To this day, I still miss those friends who would mean every word they said and expected no less from me.

(970) The Average pairs of shoes a college girl owns

While Michael was in university, at the end of the semester he was often drafted into helping his female course mates or his male course mates' girl friends to move their belongings from one hostel to another.

After a while, he realized most girls are compulsive buyers of shoes and footwear. According to his statistics, most girls possess at least 20 pairs of foot wear. I felt incredulous listening to that! Perhaps I am the abnormal one: I used to own 1 pair of slippers, 1 pair of sport shoes, 1 pair of pumps and one pair of sandles in college. Believe it or not, I still do today. As I plied him with questions, we soon saw that the purchases were random and not necessarily logical. I would expect one girl to purchase formal shoes in white, black and beige color. Perhaps she also have slippers in completely different colors to match clothes in her wardrobe. One pair of hiking boots, two pairs of jogging shoes if she is a serious jogger considering our rainy weather. Maybe a few pairs of fancy high heels for dating? Michael said that those who went overboard buying slippers of all descriptions might not own a single pair of formal shoes, hence resorted to borrowing one pair the night prior to a presentation. Those who collect stilettoes often do not have a pair of sensible walking shoes to go to the waterfall for a picnic.

As I am typing these facts down, I recall my Elizabeth's mentor in church, a young lady in her twenties, owns forty seven pairs of foot wear. That is not the final count, she is still purchasing. Well, she is earning good money and is still living with her parents. I suppose it is not a crime to love and collect shoes. But for students who are renting  rooms far away from home, it would be wiser to limit the amount of personal effects. Yet there are always admirers around who would act as "sherpas" on moving days for a treat of drinks.

I am glad that my son's eyes are opened at this young age. If he does not want to be hitched to a girl who habitually spends thirty percent of her monthly income in some shoe shops, he has better be alert and watchful while he is getting to know her. More than monetary, in order to hunt for that illusive pair of dream shoes, such ladies may spend all Saturday and Sunday afternoons trying on hundreds of pairs of shoes. Their husbands may just be appointed babysitters for all their day offs.

(953) Hobbies

Kenneth asked me if it is common to find women who assemble knick knacks from catalogue purchase. Can't say I read or done any survey on this topic. But through my visits to homes of college bound friends in USA many years ago, I have seen a few homes decorated with such hand made items.

For those who watch Glee, it was the teacher's wife that created this category for Kenneth's classification of creative women in America. And it is a story in a particular chicken soup book that triggered such a line of questions.

From my personal observations, a lady of leisure finds many avenues of spending her time. A friend of mine whose husband is in the ministry has gone into fitness and running. Another friend whose husband is working abroad chose charity work. A third whose husband made millions chose to shadow him day and night, therefore she works in his office. Some play mahjong. Some go shopping. Others haunt restaurants and buffets in hotels. Some gossip. Others major in youth and beauty -- weight loss, cosmetic surgery, make overs, ... The possibilities are endless. You name it, someone has been at it. Sure, some may choose to spend money on mail order parts and then spend many hours having the satisfaction of making the husband assemble things which contribute to making the home more attractive. As long as both husband and wife enjoy making things together, it is not a bad hobby.

But for the life of me, I value not those items on display. I think more of the many enjoyable hours spent creating those items. I think more of the love that spur such actions. There must be a person willing to pay. Then another person willing to work on the parts.  After that no one objected to those items taking their rightful place in the house. That in itself is an amazing combination that spells "happy family".

(936) Humor

by Agatha Christie
I am a rather serious person. The fact that I rarely was relaxed enough to joke does not mean I do not enjoy being around folks with a sense of humor.

On page 7 of Murder in Mesopotamia, written by Agatha Christie, we read " Dr. Reilly ... who said all sorts of funny things in a low, sad voice. I think he enjoyed pulling my leg and used to make the most extraordinary statements to see if I would swallow them."

These two lines brought me back to my first Christmas spent in USA. It is a tradition for families to get together for Christmas celebration there. One of my college mates took me home. I met not only her immediate family but her extended family members as well.

One of her uncles was a person full of stories and jokes. As I was the only foreigner there, my leg was pulled many times. There were many tall tales. The most extraordinary things were said. It was a most entertaining and jolly time. That was the first time I heard about Paul Bunyan and Dr. Seuss. Inches of snow fell. Everyone gathered around the fire place. Much food was consumed. As I am typing this piece, I think of the smell of turkey, candied apples, and other Christmas scents.

As the semesters flashed past, I met more Americans. After that I realized those people with a sense of humour would only pick on those they are fond of to play tricks on. I slowly learned that I have to be quick and creative in replying to such jokers. Now that I live on the opposite side of the world, all these seemed like distant memories, did it really happen?

(813) Catching up

I just came back from meeting my husband's uni housemate and family. I remember meeting them once, more than 20 years ago. My husband reminded me that we actually "bumped" into them when we visited Melbourne, Australia.

As we caught up on the intervening years, we noticed that there are a lot of similarities in our experience. We have children who are born in the same period. The two men have been made redundant and have to reinvent themselves into service providers and be self-employed. The wives both talked about the rise of living standards and learned to live simply on less income in real terms. Yet all of us testify on God's goodness and how he enabled us to have enough from year to year.

Even though we have been living in different countries for at least 23 years, each of us have been learning the same lessons in deepening our faith. I was sharing with them how 26 years ago I actually was holding the forms to immigrate but decided not to apply after some prayers. Now I am thankful that I am living in a country where I can survive on relatively cheap take out food. Had I left, I would definitely have to cook every meal at home. With all my children living away now, I hardly have to cook. For the first time after my marriage, I need not spend time cooking two meals a day. Seeing the good response my book "reviews" receive,  that would not have been possible otherwise.

Change is the one thing all of us have to expect. I rejoice that my future is in my God's hand.

(804) Sammy Love

Sammy Love is quite an interesting character from Bailey's Lot by Cookson. He came from a working class back ground. I guess that means he is like from the lower middle class in my country. He befriended Willie, Fiona's younger son. Even though Sammy is poor and his mother has a tendency to run away with different men, Sammy is a lovable character with colorful language.

What tickled me is that he went treasure hunting in the town rubbish dump and found a discarded silver teapot. He fought for the right to claim the teapot and took it home. He probably spent days and nights cleaning it. Then he presented it to Fiona as a gift. Although the spout was crooked and it could not be rightly put to use, Fiona and family saw the gesture as kindness. Sammy is not a person who would sponge off others better to do than him.

That brought me back to the summer I spent with the Corbets. Mr Corbet was a dear old man. He is as honest and straight forward as God made men. There was no need for him to be kind to me, just another foreign student. But he is friendly like the Baileys. His grand daughter took me home for Christmas because I could not afford the air ticket home. And he was more than kind when he extended an invitation for me to spend the coming summer with him and his wife.

Mrs Corbet came from an upright and noble line, they were healthy, honorable and well known in the old country. She chose to marry her husband at age fifteen against her entire clan. Thank goodness he made good and she was a lady of leisure at age forty. Looking back, they were pretty accepting of my differences. Apart from the waitresses in Chinese restaurant, they have not met another Chinese girl before me. It is one thing liking and accepting a foreigner, but to take her into the house as a guest for a few months is quite another. They were kind, thoughtful, and really worked at giving me quite a memorable summer. Remarkable!

(800) One kind word warms three winters

One Christmas break I tagged along with my Indian friend to an upper class woman's family home. It was a three story town house not that far away from the White House.

We had a few days of fun, sight seeing and giggling over lunches. Then the blow fell. The room I was staying in was needed for relatives over the Christmas celebration. The three of us college girls had a pow-wow. We called motels and calculated that the cheapest accommodation would blow all my savings before I could move to Maryland for my internship. Next, I started calling everyone I knew in the tri-state area. It turned out that my deep fears were unfounded. The mum of my biology classmate said I could take the couch in her kitchen alcove for the eleven nights. Everything worked out well after that.

Years later, I visited this family again. While I was recounting the crisis that brought me to her house, this dear lady told me that as they are a DC family, it was very often they accommodate cousins and friends who came to visit the Capitol and other sights. To her generous heart it was only an extra mouth to feed, which was not a bad thing as there was plenty of food over the festive season. May God bless precious folks like her who are kind to foreign students.

 

(773) Lilies of the fields 2

When Elizabeth applied for a pre-university scholarship a few years ago, we prayed for warm clothes. The equivalent of two suitcases came. I washed them batch by batch and stored them with moth balls.

She went for two interviews but in the end she did not win the coveted scholarship which would enable her to study in a Scandinavian country. I kept all the clothes just in case she has a chance to go abroad. For universities, she was accepted in my alma mater in USA with generous aid. She was rejected by Hong Kong University but she was accepted by the most prestigious public university in my country. While we have the once-off funding to send her for the first year, we are not quite sure we could swing a US education without having her incur in debts. So after much prayers, we decided that  a bird in hand that is affordable is worth more than one far away. Accordingly she enrolled in the nearby university.

What am I going to do with the four drawerful of winter and autumn clothes? When I saw Elizabeth's friend wearing  a knitted sweater in her freezing(it was a new building with powerful air-conditioners) church, I went straight to the point and asked if she would like to be the happy owner of similar sweaters of different hues. She was delighted with my suggestion. Last night I actually emptied almost two drawers and packed a boxful of such items for her.

Elizabeth suggested that maybe God sent the clothes for her friend through us. Well, that could be so. But being a practical person, I was careful to keep every piece that Elizabeth had worn in Hong Kong and Chiangmai when we visited those places in December of previous years.

* Name of this blog came from Luke 12:27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not,they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

(772) Which cake is the best?

Elizabeth and I attended a public celebration. Two containers of scones were being served among many delicious items on a long table. As far as I could see, both scones were of the same shapes and size as well as texture. But Elizabeth hates raisins, she saw one pile as containing more raisins than the other.

She asked around and found that the two containers were baked by two women, from the same recipe. There she fell into deep trouble, she was asked which set of scones taste better. Being quick witted, she said her mother who loves raisins preferred the pile with more raisins, but she preferred the one with less raisins. It happened that the one who asked that question baked the latter pile. So she did not offend either party and made the day for her friend.

This incident brought me back to the days when I attended church pot bless events as a foreign student. There was one social where there were six cheese cakes. I have never had a chance to sample any cheese cakes of note before I landed in the land of delectable desserts. I was greedy enough to eat a tiny piece of each one of the six cheese cakes. All six ladies surrounded me and asked me which cake tastes the best. I had to exercise diplomacy to survive a situation like that! In the end, I told them I like each of them for different reasons: Mrs Green's had a delightful base, Mrs McDougal's tasted exotic (she admitted that she experimented with adding more than one type of cheese), Miss Holmes is most healthy (she added strawberries, apricots and kiwi pieces), Mrs. Corbett's has the smoothest texture, Auntie Florence's is the sweetest as she added another creamy layer for decoration and Mrs Schimel's is the most exciting as she shredded pieces of chocolate on top of her cheese layer.

But one sharp-eyed woman observed I took a second helping from  Mrs Corbett's cake. And so she challenged me and called my bluff. My creative brain whirled and I pleaded for being home sick. I claimed that since leaving home I have not had a chance to eat coconut flakes. Mrs Corbett added tiny flakes of dry coconuts on top of her superb cake. More than taste and culinary enjoyment, those pieces of coconuts reminded me of home. In the end, the more motherly ones each gave me a hug, saying things like "Oh poor little one who could not go home in the summer!"

(727) Vows - a dangerous thing to make

It is strange that people make vows after a heart break that affect the rest of their lives.

Paul is a personable young man. He has been an upright church man since his teens and he serves faithfully in his capacity as a guitarist in the music team in his home church. During his pre-university years he was sweet heart to a well-to-do girl. Unfortunately, shortly after she left to study abroad. They managed to keep up their romance with frequent phone calls and vacations in the home country for two years after her departure. Then the calls from abroad lessen. She came back with a handsome young man in tow. Paul was waiting to receive her at the airport. She gave him a nice expensive shirt from abroad and handed him her wedding invitation. He attended her wedding, very much a gentleman.

At that point he turned against all female graduates, vowing never to get involved with any again. Years later he married a girl with minimum high school education. There is nothing against this girl, she is sweet and loyal to him. Only thing is there is no high earning potential  for her since she has little education. He is an engineer with an ambition and both he and his wife like the finer things in life. They often overspend and require rescues from their parents.

Few days back Michael's(my son)  friend returned from overseas and moaned about how girls in our hometown are materialistic and mercenary. He said he must look for a village girl who is simple and innocent. We heard about his failed courtship with a very bright scholar who demanded that he return the same year with her. She wanted to go to work to support her family. He wanted a year to gain some working experience in the country he studied in. And so they parted. To me, it was not meant to be. If a girl is that demanding before marriage, she would be wearing the pants on behalf of her husband after the wedding bells. He was probably very hurt. But the crux of the matter was not the fact that she has an overseas education. It is rather her strong character and the fact that she did not trust him to be faithful to her the remaining year he has overseas. She has some very fix idea that her beloved has to return with her, work for a year and then they get married. If he wrote all female graduates off because of one shrew, he will be the loser himself.

(718) Home for vacation

A good friend had two daughters. By the time both went abroad for their college education, my friend traded her detached big house for a more manageable condo. As the chicks flew away from the coop, she adjusted her life style and found new activities.


Then the younger girl came back for Christmas break. Believe it or not! Within the short span of eleven months, mother and daughter actually had quite a fair bit of readjustment to make. The baby of the family is grown. The young lady is used to being mistress of her own time, space and life. Mom finds it difficult to let go completely because her darling is within range of control. I suppose both are glad that holiday will soon be over. Then the young one will get her own life back. The older one also will regain a complete control of her domain.

I wrote the above two paragraphs on Jan 6, 2010. Today is Jan 23, 2012( I think). By now, my youngest has flown the coop since September 2011. Personally I have more free time on week days as she lives in her hostel. She comes back every week end. I enjoy not having to produce home cooked meals on a daily basis. I enjoy less laundry to do. More time to read and to reflect about what to write. Hence you find a lot more responses to all kinds of books lately. It is refreshing to find that I have no empty nest syndrome. I actually find it fun to get my own life back after years of motherhood.

* animal103.gif from myspace.com

(704) Prada!

A few years back Elizabeth picked up a second hand wind breaker. It is made of a transparent grey material, has long sleeve and a snug fitting hood. It is so thin that one can fold it into 2 cm cube little block. She keeps it and uses it because of its compact nature as well as its function as a rain coat.

A month back she wore it for the umpteenth time in the freezing university library. A friend sms about dinner arrangement. Elizabeth handed her hand phone to a companion and that sharp eyed gal exclaimed "Prada!" when she noticed the little brand label sewed at the cuff.

Last Sunday was the first time Elizabeth took her varsity bag to church, hence when it got cold out came the comfy grey windbreaker! Our fashionable dame, Veronica, straight away turned Elizabeth's wrist to reveal the little inconspicuous label. "PRADA!!!" Veronica exclaimed and it took her a few moments to have this piece of fact sinking in. After all, Elizabeth is one of the more practical females who does not pay that much attention to brand names. I suppose it must be that Veronica had not seen any new or old Prada items in our upwardly mobile new wealth crowd in church.

To be honest, if I had not watched the show "Devil wears Prada", I probably would be blissfully unaware that there is such a brand on Planet earth.

(702) June

I have quite a few friends called June. There are two that I am particularly fond of. One I knew briefly in college. Years later I heard that she and her husband settled in Rhodesia. Pardon me if I am not quoting the current politically correct name.


The other I have known practically all my life. She is just one of those dear souls whom one wakes up at four am to give thanks for. June in Rhodesia had two sons. June in my country has three. They do not look similar in appearance. However, if I could get a glimpse of their spirit or soul, there must have been some similarities.

They are warm, motherly, caring and they would go the second mile. It is uncanny that both of them took me to new places. The childhood friend, June, used to organise trips to visit nearby places. June of Rhodesia took me to a historically important place. The earlier trips opened up my horizons. The latter trip enabled me to gain an insight into myself. They are equally important but in different ways.

Looking at her choice of country to live in, June of Rhodesia has devoted her life to humanitarian purposes. I wonder if they (June and hubby) were aide workers, UN personnel, missionary, or bible translators. Nevertheless, they chose to live for others than enjoying the affluent and cosmopolitan life style of North America.

My childhood buddy lives among the fleshpots. She collects all kinds of beautiful things and one can relax and enjoy oneself with these objects all around in her opulent mansion. She is like a healing balm among the wounded in war zone. Except there is no real war in the place where we live. Yet in life's battle, one could be wounded and is not conscious of it. Then along come our modern Florence Nightingale, she would tend to the hidden wounds without one being aware of it. Months later, the insensitive one would have a rare insight and finally realise what she did earlier. I was privilege to have been her patient many a time.

Here I want to pay tribute to all the Junes of this world, be it a healer of the heart or the nations.

* children heart.jpg from surgechurch.org