(1336) Jess 3

Jess3 is a single mum. Her husband gambled away their jointly owned marital home. He ended it all by hitting an embankment with his old car.

Jess3 picked up the pieces by raising her two children. Elder son ended up with the wrong company. As soon as he was employed, he acquired a few credit cards. Uncontrolled spending almost made him a bankrupt within a few months. Her younger daughter was physically abused by an ill-chosen babysitter during mum's marital woes. The damaging effects of physical abuse was not treated. No police report was made. The child did not see any therapist. Seventeen years later, she moves from job to job. Employers cited her poor attitude. But I think she experienced communication gaps unwittingly, as she had lived too long in her own thought or dream world to adjust to having to be fully attentive at work.

A counsellor Jess3 talked to, suggested that she should deliberately leave her past behind by changing her name. She attempted to forgive and forget her deceased husband. That seemed to help, once she changed her name she found a better paying job that she enjoyed.

(1335) Jess 2

Jess2 migrated to New Zealand with her dad. Her mum passively refused to go along. A month before their supposed departure date, mum killed herself.

Interestingly, Jess2 married a rich man's son and returned to her home town. I wonder why she took the trouble to leave this country. With inherited wealth as well as married money, she struggled with four young children with no household help. She became run-down, haggard, and looked twenty years older than her real age.

While she could financially afford to deliver each child in New Zealand, she haggled with child care providers in her hometown. She was terribly calculative with her few remaining friends. Dealing with depression, she mumbled about her future was all already written in the genes. Those of us who knew her past, feared that eventually she would kill herself too. Yet who could help a person who was secretive, distant and suspicious?

The fact that she grew up with maids in her childhood home, did not help her adult life as a homemaker. With much wealth to spare, she chose to do every bit of house work and ferry each child herself. She worked herself to a frazzle.

(1334) Jess 1

There are three women with the same English name, here I will pick the name "Jess".

Jess1 had a high school sweet heart. After quite a few years of working in the corporate world, she grew distant from him by and by. Later she married into a good family who was growing rich. Her husband made his personal fortune in the IT line. She lives in an expensive house, drives a late-model large car. She has three boys, who rebelled and hardly talked to her. She is rich, but struggles with normal house work. Her sitting room is like a war zone, one could hardly find any chair to sit on. Clothes (dried but not folded), books, magazines and other reading material lie everywhere.

Her successful husband increasingly travels to avoid scenes at home.

In contrast to that, her ex-boy friend managed to get by running a shoe-string agency with a humble wife who sews for a living. This couple married late in life, they have no children. It is a quiet but happy life.

I have sat in my friend's car and had a glimpse of her when she popped out of her house to pick up something my friend brought. Judging by one of her boys, she probably had had some difficulty to overcome during her school days. Otherwise he would not find it hard to handle languages in a government school. Then the fact that she actually volunteers to teach poor children who could not catch up in schools kind of pointed to the fact that she probably had some experience in that line.

(1333) Antics

A friend's second son gave her quite a bit of a headache. The family moved from a wooden house with palm leaf roof, to a concrete house. To the adults, it was a distinct improvement. The four year old refused to ease himself, kept on insisting he wanted to go back to the old house.

After three days, the poor father drove him back to use the rustic outdoor toilet. The father explained that the old house was sold to another family, that visit had to be the last. The little boy deposited his considerable load in the old out house and promised that he would be good from then on. Sure enough, he did not give his mum anymore problem from then on.

Today this young man graduated with a double degree of electrical engineering and business administration in record time from a prestigious university. He was recruited to work in the famed economic unit of a neighbouring country. Out of his generation of young men, he had done well.

A cousin's eldest son would wait for his father to be home before he used the toilet for his number two, daily task. His mother found the habit baffling and frustrating. It was just as well his father's job did not entail business travel. Otherwise the little fellow would have serious elimination problem long term.

After Primary school, he successfully sat for an entrance exam which enabled him to skip two grades. A new International School in his vicinity accepted him in advance standing and waived half the fee to enable his parents to enrol him. After Grade 12, he completed his A-level equivalent and entered a full fledged university before he was 18. He also ended up in the little island nation that attracted many talented young people from my country.

Is it co-incidental that these two boys had such an unusual preference or habit? Both of them are extremely bright. Or could it be that such brilliance in the upper storey came with minor eccentricities?

(1332) Cultural Part 2

The native young man in part 1 applied for an apartment from a government agency. A successful applicant would pay $140 every month for 10 years, then the unit he occupies would be his: a 3-room apartment.

It was not easy to be chosen. Sabah is the poorest state in the country. Amazingly, he heard from an unofficial grape vine, that his name was picked from a lottery system. Unfortunately, a cousin of his mother who worked in the agency unlawfully gave it to the cousin's brother.

What was shocking to me was: nobody complained! Interestingly, an uncle of the young man in question also worked in that agency. The uncle was higher in rank, but he was of a different section. When his sister confronted him in private, he said he did not do anything wrong. The wrong doer was not his subordinate. He would never allow his underlings to do such things. After all, he had no jurisdiction over the bad guy.

So, what will happen to this poor couple? They would stay put and multiply. Would the structure last forever? No! Will it fall ultimately? Yes! Could someone be hurt? Yes again. Then, this entire saga with names and details would undoubtedly appear on the internet and turn viral. Maybe the public would donate towards the homeless and the injured. Finally, this family may be given a house then. No wonder forty years ago, my dad said this is a lovely part of our nation, but it would not progress and prosper. He worked here about for two years. Now I know the true reason why.

(1331) Fresh Eggs

This morning I noticed trays of eggs being sold in my favourite noodle shop. As I just brought enough money for breakfast, I returned there on my second journey out to buy vegetables.

Apparently those eggs packed in transparent pink cases were from a former rabbit farm in Mile 15. In Malaysia this is a common way referring to places by the distance from a town centre. I bought a pack of ten Grade B eggs at $8.50. Before the COVID pandemic, the rabbit farm was a popular destination for families during week-ends, and school trips on week days. After a few shutdowns lasting many months, the poor owners had to transform their business model to survive during these difficult times.

I am an egg lover. When I could, I actually prefer to buy eggs from dedicated suppliers from wet markets. With the coronavirus lurking in crowded places, I haven't bought anything from any wet market for at least 10 months. So far I have tried supermarkets, minimarkets and a meat shop around my neighbourhood. The best eggs in terms of freshness come from a place called Popular New mini market. The worst was from the meat shop. After a good run of about 3-4 months, I was confident enough to buy a tray of 30 eggs at one go. Sad to say, there were two eggs right in the middle of the tray that was stinky and black.

The very next trip, I complained about the two bad eggs to the cashier. She was apologetic and said to bring it back, they would replace them anytime. But I don't think I want to bag hydrogen sulphide and keep it for days in my kitchen until I do drive to the out-of-the-way shop. It was not her fault, it could have been the packer in the farm, or the repacker in the shop. It was obvious that whoever it was, had purposefully substituted bad eggs among the good ones. It could not have beeen done by mistake. That was my last visit to the shop, and I found an alternative place to shop for meat, so I have been off eggs until I was going to two miles away anyway, to pick up good eggs.

Each egg may cost 55cents, it is not the money I mind losing. It was the shock of breaking an egg that "exploded" and have stinky gas everywhere in a place of food preparation. It was having to deal with the toxic remnant of bad food in my food containers. Perhaps even having to throw away a few good egg mixtures, just because a a few drops of contamination! It is the feeling of being swindled. As a free consumer with a car and lots of free time to shop, I refuse to deal with dishonest merchants who took advantage of customers paying them good money and being inconvenienced with bad eggs.

(1330) Cultural Part 1

A good friend of mine is a native of Sabah. Her parents were subsistence farmers living on their ancestral land. Somehow they brought up 11 children on a few acres of shifting cultivation agriculture. The father has passed on. The mum is still mobile and healthy.

Six years ago I visited my friend's village. As far as I could see, the family lived in three wooden houses on stilts built by the local Government. These are communal houses allotted to the poor. As long as the families continue to reside there, they are the rightful owners. Once the building is abandoned, then it will revert back to Governement.

The house on the extreme right belongs to the eldest sister, who is a widow. She has stayed there since the house was given to her husband. Her children are all grown up and scattered. She lives with an unmarried daughter and a teenage grandson. The widow lives by selling rice wine, and her daughter is a dressmaker working from home. The boy attends a nearby school.

The house in the middle used to be a dwelling of the second son's family. As he prospered in the city, his growing family joined him there. My friend is the only one who has not bought nor built her own house. During a previous family council, it was agreed by all parties concerned that it will be hers if she claims it. She did. For now, one brother and a nephew stays in the house during week days, acting as caretakers for her. By the time her nephew finishes his secondary school, she probably has to move there to keep the house.

The house on the left was occupied until my friend's father died. It was left empty for a few weeks. Then a newly married nephew moved in. Everything sounded wonderful until I heard that the house has not been upkept nor repaired since I visited it 6 years ago. I was shocked, to say the least. Here I have to explain that cultures vary from place to place. While folks in the peninsular would probably assume the free tenant would repair the house communally owned, in Sabah the expectations are different. After all, the tenant was given permission to stay in the house. This person would never own the house legally. Therefore, nobody would expect him to pour money into repairing the house. I asked, "What if the house falls down in a freak storm?" Well, if that happens, then it happens! There you see the fatality aspect of the local aboriginal life.

(1329) Overcomers: Third Child

One thing about listening to people's life story, the listener may choose not to ask any questions. For most people, there is a need to talk during social discourse.

As a listener, I only know two pieces of facts about the third child. It is a young woman who struggled through her first and only degree. She could be anywhere between the ages of 25 to 33 and, is single. Depending on her age, she was an observer of her elder sister's disastrous marriage, and her elder brother's rather unfortunate first courtship, either as a teenager or in her twenties.

If she has a strong personanlity, she may not be adversely affected. After all, her siblings are completely different from her. She may be lucky in love and wise in marriage. A woman can choose her friends and spouse(s).

(1328) Beau

One would assume beautiful and intelligent women would marry well.

In reality, the answer is not always. If you have read my previous blog (1326) Overcomers: Second Child, then you see it illustrated a beautiful and intelligent woman who married a philanderer in haste, and repented at leisure.

Do you think that she was blinded by his good looks and wealth? Could it be that he had always been a womaniser but she was confident of reforming him? Or could it be that she was an absentee wife who was really married to her profession? Whatever it was, the divorce was unavoidable and final for her. She was obviously an ambitious woman who places her career above any husband of hers.

Now we look at another beautiful and intelligent single girl. She was a Petronas scholar and studied in United Kingdom. After graduation, she held a good position in the oil and gas industry, that was way before fracking, and sudden price slump in petroleum. While she was a student, she became engaged with an eligible young man with a bright future.

He visited her parents to formally ask for her hand in marriage.The parents were pleased with the match. However, there was a catch. Upon the nuptial, the girl's parents would purchase a very nice detached house in the girl's name. When both parents passed on, the couple would have to take the younger brother who could not care for himself, into their home. Of course there would be a trust fund left to be administered by the sister of this special needs boy.

Apparently the requirement was in cast iron, there was no place for negotiation. The suitor was quite willing to assume the care if the imbecile was to live next door to him and his wife. After all, the would-be wife was the only sibling of her mentally challenged brother. In the end, the young man refused to accept the condition, and broke up with his fiancee. A year later, he met a better alternative and got married. Beauty and intelligence do not equate EQ in matrimony.

(1327) Doppelganger

When married women get together, one topic is children, and the other is husbands.

My long time friend told a roomful of married matrons that if anyone ever saw her husband walking around with a sweet young thing, do not tell her. I think she was in her late forties then. The group descended on her and every one had a different opinion. I was really amused and did not take part in the free-for-all. It was rather fun to see so many of them arguing with excitement and red faces.

I sat by the window and thought, it was most unlikely I'd see her husband anywhere. Firstly I seldom go out, a writer often lives in the world of thoughts and solitude. Secondly, he is definitely two classes above me economically, we would not go to the same establishment. After all, he owns factories in Vietnam and China.

Life is strange. My husband loves to collect discount coupons and eat at expensive places at reduced prices. One day, he talked me into visiting an out-of-the-way shopping mall in the morning to make use of a soon expiring coupon. We walked into an Italian restaurant and breakfasted on pizza. I did love American pizza as a student, but generally I steered clear of Malaysian pizza. Sometimes one has to compromise to keep the peace in a marriage.

We were seated two tables from the main entrance. After ordering, I excused myself to visit the ladies, walking out of the main entrance. On the way out, it seemed my husband and I were the only patrons. On the way back, I took the side entrance and I saw a middle-aged man with a college-aged girl seated way at the back in a secluded corner. At first glance, he was a spitting image of my old friend's husband.

I did not dare to look again. After all, she had made it clear that she did not want to know. There was not much point confirming my impression, it is best to let sleeping dogs lie. My face must have shown my shock, my husband immediately asked if anything was wrong. I told him my suspicion, and he was curious. After our meal, it was his turn to go to the gent's and he took a good look on the way back. We both saw the guy five years ago, he had his hair then. Now this man looked exactly like him but was bald. We agreed we must have found a doppleganger of the man in question. It could be him, or it could be a stranger that looked like him. And we left it at that. Till today, I did not tell anybody of this incident, until this blog post.

(1326) Overcomers: Second Child

The second child is a daughter. She too, holds two degrees from renowned universities. Moreover, she has a jet-setting job that brings her to over four continents. Her yearly income exceeds $348,ooo.

She married the most eligible bachelor of the year. His father is a rich and well-known Datuk(a local title conferred by royalty, like knighthood, Sir in UK). All things went well until her double promotion that led to flying all over the place for meetings and projects. Her friends, neighbors, relatives and family all advised her to scale down her international travel. It seemed everyone in town knew about her handsome husband's exploits except her. With the help of her family and neighbours, she finally caught her husband red-handed in the marital bed with a notorious model. She moved out the same day and divorced him soon after, despite his pleadings and apologies.

She is thirty-four this year and kind of decided to go it alone. After all, she does not need money from any man. She certainly does not need problems from a troublesome husband. She lives for her exciting job and enjoys going to different parts of the world. Her sister lives next door and her brother somewhere down the road. Her affluent father made sure the children live near each other and keep an eye on each other's properties when one is away. He gave them $200,000 each as down payment for the houses.

(1325)Overcomers: First Child

Eric and his wife have three children, well, not kids anymore. Their eldest is a male, thirty seven years old this year. He holds two degrees and works in a good company at a responsible position that pays seventeen thousand a month(204,000 a year). As far as academics and career go, he has got it made.

However, he happened to choose a girlfriend who is so much younger than he was, a cradle snatcher. As things went, he undertook to financially provide for her tertiary education. After all, he had made up his mind to marry her. But even such an understanding would not account for a friendly loan between the two sets of parents of an amount entailing 5 digits, which was never returned. Whatever financial undertaking it was, it defies understanding that a few years after the break up (when the ex-girlfiend graduated), the son still receives bank correspondence demanding payments. Apparently the girl was not innocent, she totally made full use of him as a sugar daddy for as long as she was in college. The day she graduated, she broke up with him and switched to another handsomer younger man.

Heart break is one thing, being able to trust another person after such a betrayal must be difficult. After a few years of loneliness, he found a second person closer to his age. The potential bride is the elder of three girls, who came from a single parent household. Now Eric and wife looked at their son's situation, and are rather wary of the mother-in-law moving in with their only son. Since they contributed $200,000 to purchase a house for their son, they stipulated that the in-laws could live nearby, but never move into the house they paid a lump sum, and had a stake in.

Chinese are notorious for forcing their children to be super achievers in school and at work. Could it be that all those restrictions and discipline, would eventually limit the children's social development, as well as produce gullible adults who could not detect gold diggers?

(1324) Overcomers: Her

In the case of Eric's wife, her early years were difficult too. Her dad chalked up heavy debts and then disappeared overnight, leaving his wife and three children. The poor woman worked as a baker in the wee hours and laboured as a farmer to pay all those debts. Each of her three children were placed with grandparents or uncles. As those relatives weren't bad people, there was enough to eat and each was able to go to school.

She was hard working and has been employed since her teens in various part-time jobs. After obtaining the education certificate at age 18, she went to work as a cadet reporter for a Chinese newspaper. After years of frugal living, she saved up enough to study accountancy in TAR College. Three years later, she graduated at the ripe age of 29.

Due to their early suffering and the years of perseverence to overcome poverty, both Eric and his wife believed strongly in education. They trained their three children from young to excel in their academics and stressed the importance of qualifications. On the surface, they have succeeded wonderfully. The following three blogs would narrate details of their children's education and career achievements. But life, however, does not just consist of schooling and work. It is very interesting to follow the three offsprings' lives of these two overcomers.

(1323) Overcomers: Him

Recently I met a couple who relocated to an apartment complex near where I reside. They came here to escape from the hustle and bustle of Kuala Lumpur.

Over coffee, we shared about our childhood experiences growing up in Kuala Lumpur. Eric's parents passed away in a car accident when he was in primary school, leaving him and a younger sister. Even though much compensation from insurance was made, his uncles took the pay out, and abandoned him and his sister. They were housed in their aunt's garage, only provided with the bare minimum to survive. After he entered secondary school, he had to wait at tables in the afternoon to earn enough to provide for himself and his sister. It was difficult to grow up being treated like beggars by his deceased father's blood sister. Still, he had a chance to study and better himself. He worked hard and was fortunate to be given quite a few scholarships on his way to acquire his first degree.

I was full of admiration for his significant achievement although he was dealt with quite a poor hand in early life. He expressed deep appreciation for his wife who released him for one whole year to complete his Master's degree in Australia. As a young wife recently married, she trusted her husband enough to endure such a prolonged separation in view of a better future. It is not often for one to meet with someone who overcame great odds like him.

(1322)Golden Hair Rat

Not that I am a horoscope nut, but each Chinese year is represented by an animal. I was born under the rat symbol. Hence it was easy for the brain to link the following story to the year I was born in.

Long ago and far away, there was a tiny village in a kind of fertile valley in China. There were fifteen households of wet paddy farmers. There was only one precarious mountain trail linking it to a regional town. For at least two generations, they were bullied by a corrupt merchant who bought up all their surplus grain at lower price by force. As the Chinese ancients quoted:"The majestrate's gate is wide open, those with truth but no money do not walk in".

One autumn, the paddy heads were golden in the sunlight. A few aged and the young were at home. Every able bodied person was in the fields harvesting. One small child spotted a rat. Soon everyone was chasing it to the ancestral hall, which was the biggest building. It climbed to a cross beam, did not hide but looked benovelently at those gathered. As a shaft of the setting sun back lit it, everyone present saw clearly that there was a golden hair on its head.

That night, everyone in the village sat under a big tree. The oldest man sat there, fanning himself. As he listened to a few children talking about the rat with the golden hair, he stroked his snowy beard and nodded his head. He said, his grandfather had a golden hair on his forehead. During grandfather's youth and middle-age years, the village was free. There were volunteer guards and no one dared to subjugate them. Each man carried his harvest to town and those were the prosperous years.

The next day, the oldest man sent his two teenage grandsons to covertly scout out the lone trail from a wooden mountainside. Strangely, there were no bad characters guarding the trail. The able body men plotted and started early the following morning to bring unmilled rice camourflaged as charcoal to town. That evening, they came back with silver coins, shared fairly and each family hid the money wisely.

Each day after that, unmilled rice was carried out under fruits, vegetables, firewood and sold. They left a certain amount to sell to the bad merchant. A few drunk underlings came, bought the rice without the boss. Apparently, the crook was busy courting his fourth concubine.

Thus a new era started after the sighting of the golden hair rat. The villagers' fortune changed for the better. Year by year, the crook lost himself in wine, women and song. He gradually lost his power, one day he died of apoplexy. His eldest son was an opium addict. The second son was an alcoholic, the third one joined the military and never returned. The fourth one ran off, changed his name and worked for a living. The village was free again. Everyone blessed the day they saw the golden hair rat.

(1321)Leaky pipe

This is still the first week of the third lock down. Our neighbour's blue plastic water drum's connecting inlet pipe has been leaking every night for the past few days. Well, I actually lost count of how many nights it had been raining the entire time. Rain water, leaking tap water, all flowed down to the drain. Water signifies wealth in the Chinese culture. Of course it is not good to waste clean drinking water, but what can a person do under lock down? Plumbers are not listed under essential workers, neither is electrician! Everyone is told to stay home and avoid contact to others so as not to spread COVID.

My son laughed at the ancient Chinese: water can mean wealth! Animal droppings could mean money(guano). Why can't the hundreds of rodents in the storm drain mean gold? Now! Wait a minute! I seemed to remember a story called Goldern hair rat... will type it as the next blog.

(1320) Scallop

My sister-in-law is a Cantonese. She brought new ingredients into my family. Porridge for children was boiled with dried scallop.

Talking about scallop, I remembered the very first time I had fresh scallop was in San Francisco with my "little sister". While in college, my "big sister" was a white American who grew up in West Germany. My "little sister" was a Singaporean. It was a syatem of having a junior or senior helping a freshman settle in the first month.

With my mum, a good cooking stock was made from anchovies, chicken carcase or pork bones. My current landlady, however, uses dried oyster or scallop, chicken bones and pork vertebrae. Apparently top stock was always made with sea food, fowl and cattle.No wonder Chinese spinach in top stock (siong tong yin choi, Cantonese) always tasted very rich.

(1319) Abalone

As far as I could recall, abalone was an expensive delicacy. The first time I ate a fresh abalone was during a wedding reception in a Singapore hotel, I was 24 years old.

As a foreign student visiting a beach in Victoria, Australia, my husband found live abalone in the seventies. I asked if it tasted good. He said he threw it back into the sea as there was a local law forbidding the harvesting of sea creatures.

Fast forward 25 years, my nephew told his mother in a pleading voice,"I don't want to eat any more abalone!" We all laughed. The three year old didn't realize he was most fortunate to be fed abalone, which was considered on par with bird nest as Imperial Court food for Chinese Emperors in history.

Now my nephew is 14 years old. Imagine my delight when I heard that he earns 3 to 4 digit income from video editing on line. Maybe the shut downs really could be considered a blessing in his case.

(1318) Making money during COVID

The last time the state gave out stimulas cheques of $750, the line of cars around the McD drive through wound unceasingly from 10.30am to 7.50 pm. It was seldom that the line did not reach the nearest roundabout. One lunch time I counted 17 delivery men(Food Panda and Grab) all lined up in a row. That went on for at least two weeks.

Now the momentum is building again. I am beginning to see long lines outside of meal times. This morning I counted 12 delivery men waiting for orders to go. Yesterday the waiting men numbered 16 for lunch. Well! Well! Well! The much touted cheques of $300 must have started to go into the earlier receipients' bank accounts. The suceeding amounts are for purchasing essential food for the unemployed. One wonders how it is finding its way to an already rich fast food franchisee.

Now I see how the rich will become richer, even in terrible times. During the war it was the armament manufacturers laughing to the bank. Now with COVID, it would be fast food drive through and pharmaceutical conglomerates raking it in.

(1317) Fish Maw

As a child, I was a picky eater. Often, when food on the table could not be easily identified, my mum wouldn't say what it was unless I try it.

The first time I know of eating the air-sacs of fish was in Silver city. My dear neighbour cooked for three families and often passed food over the fence. I suspected that she took pity on my husband and children, as I am really not much of a cook. One good turn deserves another, in return I used to help her picking up items or take her to places. She did not learn to drive.

When I raved about Mrs Chan's yu peow(Chinese name for fish maw) soup, my dad said that he must have eaten lots while it was poor man's food. When he was growing up in a fishing village, they would air dry the sacs and then deep fry them to keep. Then the Japanese scientists found that it contained unique proteins that contributed to good health, they bidded up the price of fish maw in South East Asian coastal cities. Now it is known as rich man's food, served during festivals and Chinese New Year. In a few years' time, my dad would have been born 100 years.